The Suffering of a Smile

[SamaraMorgan]

((Okay, this is my second poem I've written. Some of you may have read my first titled "Alone". This is called "The Suffering of a Smile". I pulled together many emotions, and a bit of a visual, not much in my opinion. I really had to ponder on a title for this poem, since I usually write the poem first and name it last, but I believe I chose wisely and stand by it. But anyway, I hope you enjoy it. Please leave any questions and/or comments, I'd be glad to reply. ))

 

The Suffering of a Smile

 

As I lay here

Tears streaming from my eyes,

the cold air surrounding me;

Poisoning my body,

Taking over my mind

I realize just how much it hurts

 

It burns.

It's ripping my soul apart.

It's killing me!

I'm dying;

and I'm crying

inside.

 

Bleeding

Withering

and sufficating inside.

And yet,

A smile upon my face.

 

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[sleepless]

After what you'd said about how long it took to find a title, I was getting wrorried when I'd got to the second verse and had no idea why you'd called it that. Which just goes to remind me that I shouldn't judge a poem untill I've read all of it. Thanks for teaching me a lesson there

 

That last stanza was awesome. Bleeding, Withering, Suffocating (sic) - all highly impactive yet uncommon (ok - bleeding maybe not quite so) words that somehow seem like they were made to go with together. And then the last two lines add the twist of irony (excuse the crap expression) and make the title.. well.. a little more understandable!

 

Oh Oh! At the end of the first part you've got a 'just how' where a 'how' would fit in much better, as well as taking away a qualifying word that could be confused with the magnitude of the 'hurting'. Is the pain suffered inconcievable? To me, 'just how much it hurts' somehow implies it's still somewhere on the scale! It is however a minor point, and not something to lose sleep over.

 

Great poem - keep up the good work!