Jade Posted March 19, 2004 Report Posted March 19, 2004 Laughter wells up in my eyes Filling in volumes that Leave my knees weak and my hands trembling Until all that is below me is above me A mottled heap, I scar the ground Body pulsing above the veins Of earth and sea and loss and greed Succumbing to the laughter I fall into tears And deep torrents of escape Cascade in a rush Lost Lost in nothing And the Nothing makes me ache With the final solidity of it The celerity and singularity The Nothing crackles and burns Singeing the remains of whatever I used to be.
Cyril Darkcloud Posted March 25, 2004 Report Posted March 25, 2004 Moving upward from burning emptiness through moisture running along a cheek one haltingly arrives at a tale of flooding laughter in its violent and sudden seizure of the ductworks of the eyes. An intriguing piece of writing. The use of the fluid imagery generally associated with tears in the description of laughter is striking, as is the movement from images of moisture to the concluding and contrasting image of fire. The piece is a bit rough around the edges and is well-worth a second look with an eye to tightening it up – an understandable need given how many strong elements it contains. Nicely done, Jade! Keep writing.
Jade Posted March 28, 2004 Author Report Posted March 28, 2004 Laughter crinkles my eyes Eyes wrinkled and lined From a constant tug and pull of tension Spilling tumultuous convulsions Like waves onto my body Leaving my knees weak and my hands trembling Until all that is below me is above me A mottled heap, I scar the ground The carnage of laughter lays waste Body pulsing above the veins Of earth and sea and pain and greed Succumbing to the laughter I fall into tears And deep torrents of escape Like Alice from Wonderland Gushing rivers from a mischievous dam Cascade in a rush of loss Lost Lost in nothing And the Nothing aches With the solidity of it Celerity and singularity A lone sparkler before dawn The Nothing crackles and burns Singeing the remains of whatever I was before.
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