X-Sabre Posted February 23, 2004 Report Posted February 23, 2004 To hide behind a dark demeanor, is to be the one who is oh so scared. To live a lie, constructed out of fear, is to be tangled up and ensnared. To be the one who snarls and snaps, is to be afraid of your own mind. To have a persona doomed to collapse, is to wish for a button, rewind.
purple_shadows Posted February 23, 2004 Report Posted February 23, 2004 hmmm...definately makes you think. I like it.
Vlad Posted February 23, 2004 Report Posted February 23, 2004 "tangled up and ensnared" didn't seem to go with the rest of the tempo. I was very vivid in the begining, but at that line I had to stop, and almost got muddled down. The second stanza pick the beat right up though, and makes this a good poem.
X-Sabre Posted February 24, 2004 Author Report Posted February 24, 2004 Thanks Vlad, that's the kind of help I need.. I need to remember to post desired feedback level. But um, yeah I actually said the same thing after I reread it. I'll work on the first stanza and see if I can get it sounding better. Thanks again.
Beautiful Nightmare Posted February 25, 2004 Report Posted February 25, 2004 Yeah it really does make you think! I like it alot though i had to read it like 5 times
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