Darkness

[Falcon2001]

The computer screen fills up

The corner of my room with images

Blinding lights softly caress

 

But outside all is dark

 

Do I go to bed or wait?

Hiding in this puddle of light

Dreading the descent into the

lazy clutches of slumber?

 

I hide in my little patch of digital light

And fear the darkness

And sleeping most of all.

Edited May 7, 2004 by Falcon2001

[Ayshela]

*smiles*

how well i know this..

i like this whole piece, but this -

Hiding in this puddle of light

this is brilliant.

[Cyril Darkcloud]

This is a fine piece of writing and, if I might be so bold as to say so, marks a real step forward in your work, Falcon. I'll echo Ayshela's comment about the 2nd line of stanza 3 and go a bit further in that I find the entire sequence from that line to the conclusion of the piece to be quite well arranged. Even the use of 'dreading' which can be very trite if poorly handled is well-placed here - that is no small achievement. The use of the interrogative sentence form in the 3rd stanza is very well-chosen and provides an effective counterpoint to the lines of the concluding stanza which are strong in their understated and simple directness.

 

You might want to take another look at the 2nd stanza, however. Foreboding darkness is a rather tired expression and it is a cliche that weakens the rest of the work. The piece, in fact, seems to work just as well if not better without these lines.

 

You have the makings of a powerful poem here and writing with such promise is well worth a second look and a bit of polishing. Well done.