disizmrkent Posted February 17, 2004 Report Posted February 17, 2004 First we were nieve and young, we were simply friends without a thought. And we've both searched endlessly for love, but each search has been for not. I knew we would grow past adolesence; you would go your way, and I'd go mine. But now I question one thing to myself: is your love what I'm trying to find? Is it your kisses at night I dream about, and is it your hand I want on my chest? Is it your cheek I wish to gently stroke, and your skin I long to caress? Are you still simply my friend at best, or a figment of my heart's own dream? Are you forever made to be my friend, or are there lines we forgot to read between?
X-Sabre Posted February 17, 2004 Report Posted February 17, 2004 Wow man, I'm absolutely amazed. And to think, some goofy guy I work with can actually write. Great, glad to see you posting here. If you ever get the urge, you can always join our group, just gotta submit an application. I'll even sponsor you, but wait.. that probably wouldn't look good. Nevermind, I'm going back to rambling incoherently before sleep.
Yuki Kokoro Posted February 20, 2004 Report Posted February 20, 2004 This is wonderful, I loved it. The easy flow was great, as well as the clear thoughts and emotions. I really liked the line: "is your love what I'm trying to find?" That sense that what you're looking for may be right in front of you is a common one; it's hard to change comfortable relationships though. Fear is always a factor. Also: "Are you forever made to be my friend/ or are there lines we forgot to read between?" This was a great set of lines and a fitting way to end the poem. The questioning of possibilities sums up the rest of the poem well and I liked the reference to reading between the lines. It's an often used concept but this phrasing was unique and made me smile. Once again, very nice poem, and welcome to The Pen.
Beautiful Nightmare Posted February 25, 2004 Report Posted February 25, 2004 I like it alot but find if you put the poem into stanza's rather than the way you have it at the moment it's just that its easyer to read!Remember its only my opinion! First we were nieve and young, we were simply friends without a thought. And we've both searched endlessly for love, but each search has been for not. I knew we would grow past adolesence; you would go your way, and I'd go mine. But now I question one thing to myself: is your love what I'm trying to find? Is it your kisses at night I dream about, and is it your hand I want on my chest? Is it your cheek I wish to gently stroke, and your skin I long to caress? Are you still simply my friend at best, or a figment of my heart's own dream? Are you forever made to be my friend, or are there lines we forgot to read between?
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