Wyvern Posted February 13, 2004 Report Posted February 13, 2004 Hey you. Yeah, you. Come here, I've got some advice for you. First of all, don't read this story. Yeah, you heard me. I doubt you're ready for it yet. Given the way that your eyes are glancing at the page, I'm sure you'll just skim over it. You should look at every word and indulge in it. You should trace the words to their latin roots. You should take every sentence and analyze it. You should just take the piece in as a whole. You should admire the English language for simply being beautiful. You should pause for a breath at every comma and period. You should remember that not everything has a hidden meaning. You should look for hidden biblical references. You should think about God. You should partake in physical activities more, and stop reading so much. You should just take life in as a whole, like a story. You should read the classics to understand literature more. You should learn to love yourself so you can love writing. You should be acceptant, kind, and sincere. You should always be an individual, and stand for what you believe in. You should never forget to think. Secondly, you should be patient when you read the story. You should pay attention to the narrator. You should question his reliability. You should also trust him. You should never get discouraged by tedious reading, as there's always room for improvement. You should compare yourself to the narrator. You should question how reliable you are to yourself, and how much you trust your own life. You should use the story as a reflection of your past relationships. You should never become too glum. You should never become too happy. You should just be yourself and follow this advice. You should stand up and loudly declare your opinion about the story, regardless of what others think. You should quietly read it and let it effect you emotionally. You should be getting excited about the story now. You should remember that it's coming in a minute, and you should spread the word about it. You should remember that not everyone has the privelege of hearing a story. You should remember that not everyone is as priveleged as you in their lives, and that many people are starving. You should sympathize with these people. You should always remember the world. You should always be considerate of those around you. You should remember that they're your equals. You should give them advice like I'm giving you advice. When you read the first lines of the story that's coming up, you should note the tense. You should keep comments general, and make specific remarks. You should be conscious that your voice is unique, and speak as one in a million. You should remember that three wrongs make a right and a wrong, which can make two rights when one more wrong is added in. You should remember that not everyone might interpret dirty words as slander, or slander as dirty words. You should base thought on experience, and experience on thought. Now then, the story... you should listen up now. You should clean your ears out with Q-tips and take a bath to make yourself presentable. You should do this every day, and you should live a happy life. You should be happy and make friends. You should not get overly happy and make yourself sad, as happiness kinda relates to sadness in a sorta weird type of way. You should remember who's speaking and who's listening, and who's telling and who's hearing, and tell and hear at your leisure, because you know who's best in the end. You should remember to thank me for this advice in the future. You should find it very helpful. To start my story... you should recall the times of King Arthur and the Crusades. You should remember that just because something is holy doesn't mean it's a grail. You should think of life as a grail that you can sip out of. You should drink wine on a daily basis to stay healthy, wealthy, and wise. You should always befriend the wise, but never make enemies with the ignorant. You should sleep if you get tired. Once upon a time... hmm. Well drat. After giving you so much useful advice, I can't seem to remember the story itself. You should take my experience as a lesson.
Peredhil Posted February 13, 2004 Report Posted February 13, 2004 Shrieks Sorry. This just reminded me of a very pretentious Boston WASP English Teacher I spent an eternity with one semester.
The Portrait of Zool Posted February 13, 2004 Report Posted February 13, 2004 You should write another story! Cool. Very cool.
Appy Posted February 13, 2004 Report Posted February 13, 2004 Yesssss yes yes yes... One thing though (and this might make me look elvish... ...) You should give them advice like I'm giving you advice. You are a dangerous man Mr. Lizard.. Still, loads of yes and yeah and such!
Justin Silverblade Posted February 14, 2004 Report Posted February 14, 2004 Wonderful. I'm glad I read it. Thank you for sharing.
Yuki Kokoro Posted February 14, 2004 Report Posted February 14, 2004 *laughs* This was great. Skipping right to the end I think I understood the last line.. maybe. “You should take my experience as a lesson.” I can see the connection to the way many stories do give advice through example, whereas here it is just stated. Do you mean a story looses its appeal when it gets preachy? Or that advice is taken to heart more easily through a narrative? Or that pushing advice on other people is counter-productive (because the speaker never got around to the story)? Okay… so maybe I didn’t understand. My only clear thought was that it was a humorous and fitting end. I actually found the advice rather interesting, all the concepts that seemed mutually exclusive but really weren’t. “You should take every sentence and analyze it. You should just take the piece in as a whole.” and “You should pay attention to the narrator. You should question his reliability. You should also trust him.” It seems like you can’t do both, but really they are just very difficult things to master, looking at details and the big picture or trusting while questioning. I also liked the line: “You should base thought on experience, and experience on thought.” Nice piece and a very entertaining read.
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