Mira Posted February 7, 2004 Report Posted February 7, 2004 I have written some fairly political poems lately and decided that I needed to take a little break so I don't burn myself out. Here is the result. Rain, rain, go away. But what happens when the rain just stays? And pours... And pours... And pours somemore. To drench you down below the skin. To wash away all you love. To break this storm there is no dove.
Ayshela Posted February 26, 2004 Report Posted February 26, 2004 oh, i'm sorry i missed this the first time around! this sounds so much like a Pacific NorthWET winter! gods know some years i think we *need* an ark..
Alaeha Posted February 26, 2004 Report Posted February 26, 2004 Umm... Honestly, I have issues with the love dove rhyme just because it's so overused. Not saying to universally avoid it, just to exercise extreme caution. In the wrong circles, writing a poem with that rhyme is much like "charging into battle, naked, like the celts" to quote Skippy's list. Though the list had nothing to do with poetry, it's considered unwise and just not done. I'd recommend, if you want to use "love" just not ending the line with it, and picking a more variable word like "thing", or "stuff". Otherwise, I love it. As Ayshela said, it's the essence of the Pacific Northwet.
Parmenion Posted February 26, 2004 Report Posted February 26, 2004 I want to meet these wrong cicle types you speak of so I can fuffle some feathers Personally I thought your use of the dove with love was great insofar as i took it that it was playing upon the whole Noah's Ark storm thingy and was trying to get across just how relentless and unyielding this rain actually is. Class work again Mira. I always do enjoy reading your poems (and how often have i said that!!) Parm.
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