Tiny loud water

[X-Sabre]

Laying in bed, my eyes closed tight.

Sound comes from afar, drip drop.

Eyes spring open, on goes the light.

From where does it come?!?, drip drop.

 

Spring out of bed, quick to find the source.

Stumble over clothes, fall to the floor.

The noise sounds like a code, morse.

This sound, I cannot stand anymore!

 

To the faucet I go, must stop the leak.

If this continues, I'll never get to my job.

It seems turned off, although I feel weak.

Using my might, I try to turn the knob.

 

To sleep I go, in this comfortable bed.

Time to get some rest, silent is zen.

But that alarm is back in my head.

The water begins to drip again.

 

 

 

This is still unfinished. Any comments/suggestions would be gladly appreciated

Edited February 5, 2004 by X-Sabre

[Yuki Kokoro]

I thoroughly enjoyed this. It's nice to see a fun light poem, especially one that reads so well. The repeated drip drop in the first stanza helps sets up the rhythm as well as putting the reader strongly in the setting of a leaking faucet.

 

The last line struck me too, somehow it's just fun to read. ; Between the line itself and the way it came out sounding it my head it made for a humorous/rueful closing.

 

No suggestions off the top of my head... *goes back to look at the poem again* Hmmm.... The third paragraph isn't as strong as the others in my opinion, not too much happens and the fact that this faucet will keep you from getting to your job seems puzzling at first. You may want to say something about never getting to sleep instead. The only other thing is that you never covered actually fixing the faucet; you go straight from trying to open a door to being back in bed. It was a little abrupt so you might want to think about another stanza.

 

Entertaining poem, thanks for sharing it.

[purple_shadows]

that was great. It's cute and light, and something I'm sure a lot of people can identify with.