X-Sabre Posted January 30, 2004 Report Posted January 30, 2004 For it is here that I shall lie, I've given up on the battle. Alone it is here I shall die, Go to mother and tattle. I have done nothing to this point, trying so hard to be normal. This last time I'll roll a joint, curling into position, fetal. It was over before it begun, never even had a chance. Not since 'aught one. Now, out in a trance.
WrenWind Posted January 30, 2004 Report Posted January 30, 2004 *hugs* Go to mother and tattle. even though the tone of this is very dark for some reason this line made me smile. the only other bit that stuck out at me was the line "curling into position, fetal." it is very different from the rest of the poem . Maybe I have missed something . *big hugs* keep writing Wren
Justin Silverblade Posted January 30, 2004 Report Posted January 30, 2004 Hmm, I'm not sure what to make of the tone of this poem. Sometimes it feels very sad, sometimes very angry, sometimes just hopeless. Neatly done in a short poem. Not even sure I understood it all I'm afraid. Good nonethless, as what I didn't quite catch exactly, the mood made up for. - Justin
X-Sabre Posted January 31, 2004 Author Report Posted January 31, 2004 Erm, to elaborate a bit.. A lot of the reason I write poetry is to get the emotions on paper. And I'm sure people understand that. But a lot of it is like, okay, if it's on paper, there isn't anything else to muddy with the emotions, so that I can look at it from a clear perspective. With my new job, I just wanted to get out of the desperation I've been dealing with, and writing this quickly just helped. Wren, about that line... Honestly, I was using an online rhyming thing to help me out, and that was one of the words that fit. So I found a way to use it. As if I was saying to my "brother" go on to mom and tell her that I'm giving up. I can't remember the name of this short story I read, but it gave me a bit of inspiration. How it goes is 2 brothers go out "hunting" for I forget what, but trying to crawl through a fence, the younger brother ends up shooting the older brother, but shows no remorse for it. If I could remember the name, my explanation would make a lot more sense. But as I was writing this poem, it just kinda came to my head.. so I used it. Justin, honestly, I'm not sure if I understood it all. It just came out in about 5 mins of writing. BTW, I just wanted to tell you, sorry for hitting ya, but I had to take my counter. But, good to see you around nonetheless.
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