whynotsin Posted January 29, 2004 Report Posted January 29, 2004 (edited) It, feels some times, Like my screams are never heard. That I’m drowning inside myself. Struggling to breath, Clawing for air. No one's coming to my rescue. They stand and laugh at my pain. Like I’m worthless. And meant to be discarded, Burned. Then forgotten. Edited January 31, 2004 by whynotsin
X-Sabre Posted January 30, 2004 Report Posted January 30, 2004 I understand the emotion felt in this poem quite well. I read through it a couple times, just to make sure I didn't miss out on something. It's an odd structure, but it fits well with the feelings of desperation and loneliness the poem exudes. A couple little changes like "Like my screams are never hear" it should be heard, and "No one coming to my rescue" maybe no one's or no one is? Other than that, not bad.
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