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The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

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Posted

this is accually only the first stanza, still working on the rest. Don't know if i want there to me a "rest" or not yet. This sums it up pretty darn well.

 

The more that you tell me the less I want to hear

Worse yet for I shall never be her

Ironic how the one exception to the rule

Could be so subconsciously cruel

Posted

disregard the first one, this flows better and has a a better syllable pattern 12, 8, 12, 8. Instead of the origional 12,9,12,8

 

The more that you tell me the less I want to hear

Worse yet for I cannot be her

Ironic how the one exception to the rule

Could be so subconsciously cruel

Posted

I thought this was quite good, but definitely read as a start to a longer piece. It's almost like a teaser. And I feel kinda silly but... what's the one exception to the rule? I didn't get that part. Did you mean that this is the only thing you don't want to hear more about? Or that you really do want to hear more about it even though it hurts? Or something else entirely? :erm:

 

If you feel you have any more to say about this I'd encourage it. If not it was at least practice in editing, which is always good. ^_^

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