purple_shadows Posted January 18, 2004 Report Posted January 18, 2004 My hand pressed flat against the glowing screen, I’m trying to get to you But as always, it’s solid There’s no way I’ll ever get through to you. I know you’re on the other side I know that you’ve forgotten I gave it all up I want it back There’s nothing, nothing on this side It’s cold, you’re so cold I made a mistake I’m screaming Nobody to hear me Can’t you hear me? I love you But I let you go I’m sorry, Jesus I’m sorry How could I not have known? I didn’t see Forgive me I begging you to remember We’re friends, that I know But do you know what we could have had Hands flat against the screen, you used to reach through to me And now, to give me a whisper, and swiftly disappear I’m sinking, I’m drowning In you I just want to get through To you To you To you To you
Loki Wyrd Posted January 18, 2004 Report Posted January 18, 2004 An interesting theme I enjoy seeing written about. I have one suggestion...for the 1st stanza, 5th line...do you think you could maybe drop the "to you?" I know it is a recurring phrase and all, but it just seems to disrupt the flow.
purple_shadows Posted January 18, 2004 Author Report Posted January 18, 2004 yeah, I thought i had done that, but i guess I did it after I posted. *shrugs* oh well.
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