Spiders Soul Posted January 18, 2004 Report Posted January 18, 2004 (edited) Escape. Escape is what I must do No more can I listen to you Hear your soft yet poisoned words Feel them worm into the marrow of my soul Its over now, dont you see? Your eyes no longer enthrall me Warm amber's have gone dark and cold I was blind before But I see all too clearly now The plan... your pretty little plan To destroy me... Escape is what I must do. Edited January 18, 2004 by Spiders Soul
Loki Wyrd Posted January 18, 2004 Report Posted January 18, 2004 Anything that involves the word destroy has me won over. I think I actually liked the 2nd stanza the best though, specifically the second line...it's a good line. I have a few simple grammatical/spelling changes I'd like to suggest (or point out actually), do you mind?
Spiders Soul Posted January 18, 2004 Author Report Posted January 18, 2004 Glad you like it... and I know I cant spell and I am always open to help.. so please feel free to pick at it
Loki Wyrd Posted January 18, 2004 Report Posted January 18, 2004 Alrighty then, I'd be glad to do it. 1st stanza, 5th line - it's supposed to be marrow, not morrow, right? 2nd stanza, 1st line - maybe modify to "It's over now, don't you see?" 2nd stanza, 3rd line - Is the apostrophe necessary? 3rd stanza, 2nd line - too, not to
Spiders Soul Posted January 18, 2004 Author Report Posted January 18, 2004 Thank you bunches!... I fixed it all up... and the apostrophe well I typed it up and used spell check and it changed it so yeah I guess it is besides apostrophes are fun!
Loki Wyrd Posted January 18, 2004 Report Posted January 18, 2004 Try not to rely so much on the spelling/grammar check. It's my uneducated opinion that the apostrophe should go.
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