Loki Wyrd Posted January 15, 2004 Report Posted January 15, 2004 (edited) Lost in delirium, On the way down To hell or wherever I am to be bound. Talking with myself, The only one I can, The rest are illusions; So is man. What can I trust If not my mind? Not distance or proportion, And certainly not time. Don't mind the voices That follow you to bed, We're not out to get you, We're to get out of your head. ... Things are all foggy, Lost in the haze; Memory is nowhere When all is a daze. ------------------------ Look towards the window That is not made of glass It is water A pool you find yourself in Looking out Dripping into it You cause a ripple Your presence felt throughout You are within Continuing to lose yourself Drop by Drop And yet there you are I basically just wrote these now. The first one doesn't seem very different from a lot of things I write, and the second...well, it's probably best not to speak of the second. I think writing my story caused me to want to write these two. Oh well, casualties of war... Edited January 15, 2004 by Loki Wyrd
Yuki Kokoro Posted January 15, 2004 Report Posted January 15, 2004 The first poem was good but I was confused by the "..." before the last stanza. What made you put that in or what is it there to express? The free-flow approach of the second one was cool.
Loki Wyrd Posted January 15, 2004 Author Report Posted January 15, 2004 http://www.themightypen.net/public/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif I just noticed I mispelled delirium....why, oh why can't I edit a title? The '...' signified an advancing in time from the main part of the poem to the last stanza...almost as if I were to have slept, and woken up to find myself hardly remembering the day before.
Loki Wyrd Posted January 15, 2004 Author Report Posted January 15, 2004 He awoke to find her Lying peacefully beside him Beautiful in her innocence Perfection trapped in time This moment would be his forever While her lifeless figure faded I've been writing too much. I think I need to start waiting for inspiration instead of just pushing ahead all the time. But...what...do...you - think? Any gooey goodness within?
Alaeha Posted January 16, 2004 Report Posted January 16, 2004 No... waiting for inspiration is the #1 cause of writer's block. You can write about anything. Speaking of gooey goodness, I should write a poem about Rolos sometime. Or something like that. This has potential, I think. It leads into a Monty Python skit beautifully. "She's dead." "She's resting."
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