Arashi Posted January 9, 2004 Report Posted January 9, 2004 (edited) My mind has been plagued by you Images of you flash by with out warning And I turn to see if you are there But I know you will never be My pillow was soaked with tears The night I left that life behind And started out alone again But the past keeps coming back Trapping me in a web of wanting As my mind slowly drifts off to the darkness Caged by my own emotions Freedom fleeting away Barrel put against temple The loud sound echos through the empty room As I lay there not moving, seeing Thinking or feeling Finaly free Edited January 10, 2004 by Arashi
Falcon2001 Posted January 10, 2004 Report Posted January 10, 2004 Good poem, I like the vocabulary. Remember that poetry is not always dark, though some of my best work has been dark. Ergh. Bad advice, do what you like ;;
Yuki Kokoro Posted January 10, 2004 Report Posted January 10, 2004 Interesting style. It creates verbally the equivalent of images flashing by, as if it could be filmed in a series of stills. I think this feeling is strengthened by the lack of stanza breaks. It seems... flickering? If a poem can be flickering this one is.
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