Regel Posted January 4, 2004 Report Posted January 4, 2004 White Rabbits Nervous twitches For danger looms The Bobcat hisses Heartbeat booms The race begins No time to swoon One misstep Is certain doom The race is over Almost as it began Red bleeds into white Death is soon at hand Wary are the wise Innocence torn away They’re the ones that survive To live another day Rabbit proverb: “Keen observations are made with eyes and ears open and mouth shut.”
Zen Posted January 5, 2004 Report Posted January 5, 2004 The imagery is awesome. I like how you have a sense of movement. I can see them running, like in the nature videos lol. its great. The only question I have is why must the Bobcat be vilified for what it naturally dose? Is it not also innocent? “Innocence torn away” Just wondering.
Ayshela Posted January 5, 2004 Report Posted January 5, 2004 *shrug* i saw no vilification here, rather acknowledgement of the dangers inherent in life. Besides, it *is* important to know your enemy, even if it's an enemy designated by nature, acting on instinct. The principle of watchful awareness holds, be it a bobcat, a coyote, a wolf, or man. The predatory nature is essentially the same. If you're on the prey list, you'd best be wary. *shrug* Excellently done, Regel. You are always a pleasure to read.
Loki Wyrd Posted January 5, 2004 Report Posted January 5, 2004 (edited) 'Twas a nice little ditty. Run, rabbit, run...the bobcat doesn't chase for fun. Edited January 5, 2004 by Loki Wyrd
Merelas Posted January 7, 2004 Report Posted January 7, 2004 Okay, lots to say here. First, I am amazed by the tempo you used. The brief stanzas make it quick, REAAAAAALLY (I have no way to put enough emphasis on it) referring back to the whole running theme. Side note that will hopefully make you laugh with me, not at me: As I read it, it was going so quick, so I tried to read faster because I thought that was how it was intended (hopefully it was), and I was like, "This is cool! It's a fast poem, I like it! Man, he's good!" And then, I read it again, and I realized that you wrote a fast poem, and the whole running theme was intended, my eyes got really wide and I was like, "Oooooh, you twicky widdwe wabbit! Yessah, you a twicky won!" But really, I am amazed by the tempo and rhythym (I CAN NEVER SPELL THAT WORD!) you applied, and the theme that suited it so well. I guess I didn't have too much to say. Again, well done.
Wyvern Posted January 7, 2004 Report Posted January 7, 2004 I also really liked this poem, Regel. I agree with Zen that the imagery you used is excellent, and my personal favorite image was probably that of the "Heartbeat booming." It really accentuated both the frantic pacing of the poem and the themes of danger present throughout. I also agree with others that the rhythm of the poem excelled it forward, and I liked how the last two stanzas had a slightly slower rhythm when the moral was depicted after the race had ended. Well done.
WrenWind Posted January 9, 2004 Report Posted January 9, 2004 I was breathless running with them...This is wonderful kudos Regel!!!!
Loki Wyrd Posted January 9, 2004 Report Posted January 9, 2004 Have u ever heard the song White Rabbit (or maybe it's called Go Ask Alice) by Jefferson Airplane? Damn good song...
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