dragonqueen Posted December 24, 2003 Report Posted December 24, 2003 (edited) Expression of depression, Rhyming in sweet sorrow. Writing in crimson ink, Tainting words with tears. I'm fairly pleased with this. The first line just came. The last two were a little harder. I'm still not quite satsified with the last one. I think that tears and depression kind of improve our literature. Thus maybe a better word than tainting should be used, but I can't think of one. Edited December 24, 2003 by dragonqueen
X-Sabre Posted December 24, 2003 Report Posted December 24, 2003 (edited) Embuing might work, or perhaps strengthening, but seems a bit too jagged there.. I'd say embuing would be great, but it would add an extra syllable to your next line, which would throw off the 7-6-6-5 thing you had going.. Not sure if it was intended, but eh, thought I'd say it. Edited December 24, 2003 by X-Sabre
Ayshela Posted December 24, 2003 Report Posted December 24, 2003 however, "tainting" works in a couple different ways - depression tends to lend itself to combinations of words which on their own are clear, coherent, and emotionally unambiguous yet in combination become ambiguous to explosively angry or desperately sorrowful. the initial image i got, though, was of handwritten lines of tear smudged words. meh, losing all thought capacity again so imma leave it there. i thought it worked, though.
Beautiful Nightmare Posted December 24, 2003 Report Posted December 24, 2003 Its very good i like it alot maybe you should try write more to it?
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