Jade Posted December 22, 2003 Report Posted December 22, 2003 A whimsical carousel Basic colors intertwine in a seasick dance Each step a cumbersome cadence Magnificent life rising and falling A perfect rhythm Never Changing Contained in a perpetual paradise Slaves to the cycle A single glimmer An enduring hope Freedom to be captive To our own desires A treacherous fruit To end the cycle A single taste to free us both Death would bring no remorse That simple fruit held no power It held no knowledge No truth for life The fruit tasted as all others No wisdom was gained in the taste No knowledge was lost Defiance did not bring us death Death brought us life
Vlad Posted December 23, 2003 Report Posted December 23, 2003 Interesting how you took this poem in a (relatively) unexpected direction. It seems to start off kinda vague, but you wrap it up nicely in the end.
Yuki Kokoro Posted December 23, 2003 Report Posted December 23, 2003 Welcome to The Pen. I liked this; the views were interesting. Hope for the freedom to be captive to our desires, and that the fruit itself didn't do anything, it was our act of choice, of defiance, that brought us life. Escape from never changing perpetual paradise. I like this take on it, it was thought provoking and well-expressed. I also enjoy your writing style: clear, crisp, and graceful.
Zen Posted December 26, 2003 Report Posted December 26, 2003 It is a very excellent poem! the way you led us away and then bam brought us to the realiztion that if we dont die we cant aprreciate life. ( makes madden stlye movements with hands as I illustrate poem in wide over sweeping gestures. circuling letters) great job. It flowed like a summer stream.
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