Vigil StarGazer Posted December 12, 2003 Report Posted December 12, 2003 (edited) Whispers, how they creep into my ears. Who is pretending, and who is not? or do they just don't care for me, this little annoying bug? they melt away when I walk near. why can't they say it to my face right here, maybe I'm not ready for the truth; or the unspoken words might just hurts more. Alone, I'm the frightened child once again Am I not myself, but one final sell out? crushed between a grindstone, ready to be spit out? unwanted, unwelcomed, unforgiven the union and the fruit of an evil sin. It's not my wish to be. but I am now here, please bear with me. Guilt-riddence I'm tired of this guilt bearing scheme. To complete the day with no satifaction, no work well done. It might take a million years but before that I might just leave; My dream does not belong here but I hope we can move on, anger relieved. Edited December 12, 2003 by Vigil StarGazer
Yuki Kokoro Posted December 12, 2003 Report Posted December 12, 2003 I really liked this. It was an eloquent expression of the fear, guilt, loneliness, pain and uncertainties so many of us feel. These lines I especially enjoyed: "maybe I'm not ready for the truth;/ or the unspoken words might just hurt more". I also liked the way you shifted in and out of rhyme, you write very good free verse and the blending is interesting. Never feel trapped by having to rhyme lines.
Peredhil Posted December 12, 2003 Report Posted December 12, 2003 A commentary to all those who gossip and then smile to faces. I really liked unwanted, unwelcomed, unforgiven the union and the fruit of an evil sin. It's not my wish to be. I am now here, please bare with me. I *think* you meant "bear with me", (To stand, to put up with) rather than "bare" (to become naked), but the irony in the stanza the way it is was great - product of sin, bare with me and continue the cycle... Sin isn't bad because it isn't fun, that's somewhat of a myth. It's bad because God said so - and also wordly wisdom shows that it sells the future for a momentary present. If it wasn't fun, sinning wouldn't be so hard to resist... which brings me back around to the gossip with which I started. good to see you writing again! Hugs -P
Beautiful Nightmare Posted December 12, 2003 Report Posted December 12, 2003 O my god i know how you feel! *hugs* really really good poem and it really makes me feel what you were when you wrote this!
Recommended Posts