Mira Posted December 6, 2003 Report Posted December 6, 2003 All I've got left, Is a pocket full of dreams. All I wana do, Someone else has done. Like a rat in a maze, All my turns are wrong. Like the poet in the gutter, All my songs are sung. I'm just flesh and blood, Hope and fear. I've nothin' left to give Nothin' left to take. I'm runnin' out of wishes, trust, and despair. Reachin' out for someone, but there's nobody there.
Ayshela Posted December 6, 2003 Report Posted December 6, 2003 All I wana do, Someone else has done. *nod* not only done, but done better than i could ever hope to. wish i could do something beyond nod and agree.
Yuki Kokoro Posted December 7, 2003 Report Posted December 7, 2003 This whole poem just reaches out and slaps me in the face (in a good way ), the emotions are very clear and easy to relate to. I especially liked the line: "Like the poet in the gutter/ All my songs are sung." However, you took that idea and turned it into a song uniquely your own, and did it very well. I also thought the line: "I'm runnin' out of wishes, trust, and despair" was well done. Not only is the speaker running out of wishes and trust, two easy things to let slip out of your grasp, but even running out of despair and sinking into apathy. Wonderful, wonderful poem. *applauds*
Alaeha Posted December 13, 2003 Report Posted December 13, 2003 I'm runnin' out of wishes, trust, and despair. Reachin' out for someone, but there's nobody there. Easily the best lines in the piece, in my opinion... certainly a good climax. The rhythm is perfect. But the flow through the rest of it seems a little odd to me. A bit hurried, I think; it's probably because of the irregular meter. ("Hope and fear" is a trochee and a half. No worries, I break off my feet sometimes as well, just thought it worth mentioning) Sorry to be a bit late in responding to this... I've been only half here for a while.
Mira Posted December 15, 2003 Author Report Posted December 15, 2003 Yuki Kokoro: This whole poem just reaches out and slaps me in the face (in a good way ), the emotions are very clear and easy to relate to. I especially liked the line: "Like the poet in the gutter/ All my songs are sung." However, you took that idea and turned it into a song uniquely your own, and did it very well. I also thought the line: "I'm runnin' out of wishes, trust, and despair" was well done. Not only is the speaker running out of wishes and trust, two easy things to let slip out of your grasp, but even running out of despair and sinking into apathy. The poet in the gutter line is, of course, an alliteration to the Bob Dylan song "A Hard-Rain's Gonna' Fall" Thanks for all the complements and critiques you guys.
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