WrenWind Posted December 4, 2003 Report Posted December 4, 2003 "Mommy?" "Quiet Little one. Daddy is still sleeping" "But Mommy?" "Shhhh! Baby we dont want him to wake up now. He is tired." "Mommy why are we up already?" "We have to go catch a bus, we are going to go visit Mommy's friend. Hush now! Daddy got home late we don't want him to wake up." "Mommy?.... I'm hungry." "Quiet now Baby i'll get you a snack in a minunte. First i have to get a few things out of your dresser " "Mommy?" "Hang on Baby I have to close the bag. Grab your blanky and go wait for Mommy in the kitchen " "Mommy? Can I bring Spiderman?" "Yes! Yes! Come ,Lets go downstairs.Remeber tiptoes we don't want daddy to wake up" "Mommy?.....How come Daddy isn't coming with us?" "Shhhsh! Baby. Daddy has to work later and he got home real late last night" "There is a box of granola bars in the pantry. You grab it and Mommy will get you something to drink " "Ok" "Here put on your coat. It's time to go." "Mommy?" "Go Baby! I'm coming. Just go to the end of the driveway." "Mommy?........Mommy? Two shots ring out in the night just as the Police pull up to the house . The little boy is taken into one of the squad cars. "Daddy woke up didn't he?"
Ayshela Posted December 4, 2003 Report Posted December 4, 2003 *nod* the dangers of trying to leave unharmed.. and wonderfully done illustration of why it's safer to leave while he's at work.
Yuki Kokoro Posted December 5, 2003 Report Posted December 5, 2003 Wow... that was... powerful. And all the more powerful for its brevity. The situation hurts even more knowing that the child doesn't understand what's happening, is still innocent even in those circumstances. The thought of how much the mother is risking is also heart breaking, as well as the fact that she needs to. You did such an amazing job pulling emotions out of the reader (or at least this reader). I feel... well, rather like crying. Congratulations (and I mean that very sincerely), getting a strong emotional reaction like that is a big accomplishment. *tired smile*
Regel Posted December 5, 2003 Report Posted December 5, 2003 At some level the child does understand. There are visual clues the child picks up off the parent that make them anxious. The questions are as much a struggle to try a make sense of the situation that this child feels but isn't able to verbalize. His anxiety is understood.Why else would he be asking questions like "Mommy why are we up already?" It isn’t just the hour it’s everything that has been going on previously that forces the never ending questions. Our minds are allowed to make the emotional brush strokes that fill in the missing auditory and visual clues. The dialogue invites us to imagine the characters emotional state. The boy’s last line confirms that he knew at a gut level that they were fleeing. That he was aware of the possible consequences. He knew that Daddy must have woken up.
Sorciere Posted December 5, 2003 Report Posted December 5, 2003 Very impressivly written. Such a sad and yet standard outcome these days for some unfortunate people. A friend of mine's cousin's husband decided that if he couldn't have her no one would and did the exact same thing, only the child was in the bedroom at the time. He spared her, but what a past she will have to carry around the rest of her life.
Appy Posted December 5, 2003 Report Posted December 5, 2003 You had my mouth fall open with that last sentence. *Appy applauds* Great work! Especially for it's shortness.. Reminds me of hearing that one dad was SO annoyed by the noises the Xbox made while his kids were playing it that he grabbed a gun and fired at it.. my first reaction was 'He had a GUN in the house?!?' Has nothing to do with this story ofcourse, but disturbing enough all around I think... *hugs wren big time* Again, great job hun!
Ayshela Posted December 6, 2003 Report Posted December 6, 2003 'course, i still find myself wondering... did *he* wake up.. or did the cops conveniently arrive because she phoned them to come get the kid, and *she* killed him then herself? wouldn't be unheard of, and has its own temptations. hmm...
DL_Snake Posted December 6, 2003 Report Posted December 6, 2003 Wow...very impressive wren...where do you get inspiration for this stuff anyway?
WrenWind Posted December 6, 2003 Author Report Posted December 6, 2003 (edited) *she* killed him then herself? It is very rare that a woman would kill her agressor then kill herself and with a child is in the mix she would be even less likely to. Men are more likely to use a gun and to follow through with killing themselves. The psyche of a man like this is " If I can't have her nobody can" and once she is dead then he has no reason to live. Edited December 6, 2003 by WrenWind
Ayshela Posted December 6, 2003 Report Posted December 6, 2003 *sigh* yes, i do know that. i also know that women pushed to the edge can do a lot of things. all i said was, the way it was written, i wondered. that's *all*. *sigh*
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