Via Umbrae

[Falcon2001]

So...anybody like it? Dislike it? HATE IT WITH A BURNING PASSION?

 

...Tell us!

[Ayshela]

how about absolutely loving it?

=)

[Wyvern]

Very good story so far Falcon and Yui, I'm really liking it. The opening scene that encompassed the first two posts was a bit hit or miss to me, but after that I thought that it really picked up and got much better. Some comments on what's been posted so far:

 

Falcon:

 

My favorite Cioden scene thus far is the scene in which Yui awakens in Cioden's chamber and suggests that she may have information that Cioden is after. I really like how we're briefly shown a different side of Cioden's character in his viewing of the picture of Valden Darkeye, as well as how this other side is quickly covered up by his typical reactions to Yui's inquiry and teasings. I think you do a very good job of personifying Cioden's cold and emotionless character throughout, as well as showing the torment that comes about from his lack of knowledge about the creature he faced.

 

Two things I felt could potentially be improved: when Yui mentions what she wants in return for her information in your third to last post, you describe her as wanting to learn how to shadow walk better. Now, I could be mistaken here, but as I understood it what Yui really wants is to understand Cioden's actions and character better. Is Yui's response in that segment meant as a cover-up for her secret desire to learn more about Cioden, or are the "wants" getting confused here? And if it is a cover-up, how does she hope to learn more about him through learning how to shadow walk better?

 

The other thing I didn't quite get was the flashback of the burning town, but on further consideration I'm sure that will become clearer as the story goes on.

 

Yui:

 

My favorite Yui scene so far is when Yui braves speaking to the creature in the shadow plane for information, and finds that she's not quite as invulnerable as she had expected. Your writing is excellent here, and I especially liked the mounting tension and the gradual realization that she had lost strength. Also, the allusion to the tales of Merelas when the creature casted it's flame spell was brilliant!

 

One thing you might potentially improve: while Yui's want to learn more about Cioden's character is clear, her need doesn't seem quite as strong. What is it exactly about Cioden's character that makes Yui so intrigued to learn more about it? You mentioned that the interest was partially sparked due to his rude reactions to her saving him, so perhaps it's a matter of pride?

 

Anyway, like I said, I'm enjoying this story a lot so far. I'll be sure to check for more updates in the future, and will probably have more comments for y'all when the story's over. Good stuff!

[Yui-chan]

Thank you, Wyvern! Your comments, as always, are absolutely wonderful and helpful. I appreciate the time you've taken to not only read the story, but to give us insightful and constructive feedback. For my part, I really appreciate the suggestions for improvement. I'll see if I can't clarify Yui-chan's reasons for being so interested in the whole situation.

 

Falcon, your recent posts have been just great, and I was pleasantly surprised to check back in after Christmas and find even more of them! I guess I'll have to write up some great stuff to catch up with you after all this. Lovely.

 

Yours,

~Yui