Lady_Shade Posted December 2, 2003 Report Posted December 2, 2003 (edited) Manic Ramblings A short story by Lady Shade She curls up into a little ball, clenching her knees to her chest with all of her strength, crying uncontrollably. Her body and mind slowly let go as if her will to live melted away into nothingness. She now lay silently, flat on her back; it seemed her only movements were an occasional breath. Her long black hair clung to her soaked face. Everything was dark to her now, worthless, meaningless. The courage she once had to face life was beyond her now. It was only her, the darkness, the everlasting darkness, and her thoughts. The thoughts of how easy it would be for everything to be done, to let the darkness win. She drifted in and out of sanity, for hours, laying in the dark, feeling as though she would crawl out of her skin any moment. So badly she wanted the hysteria to stop. Deep in her subconscious she knew this should stop, yet could not control the urges to scream and squirm. The thoughts rushing through her head of her failures, her mistakes, and all the things that she could have done differently, better. Still she lay motionless, holding it all in. Soon all the thoughts faded into a void. A new, calmer silence came over the room. No more tears, no more sobbing, this night was over. As she got ready for work she distanced herself from thoughts of the night’s events, putting on the smile that had fooled so many people into believing that she was indeed happy. By the time she got to work at her cushy job as a secretary the whole thing seemed like a dream, as if she watched it all happen. She knew better though, and she knew it wouldn’t be the last time. No one would ever know, the smile covered her torment and no one cared to look deeper. Edited December 2, 2003 by Lady_Shade
Ayshela Posted December 2, 2003 Report Posted December 2, 2003 Astonishingly perceptive. VERY well done. a couple grammatical things: The thoughts of how easy it would be for it to be over everything to be done, to let the darkness win.The thoughts of how easy it would be for it to be over, for everything to be done, to let the darkness win. The next sentence - is Drifted capitalized for a specific reason? Still she lay motionless, holding it all in,should end with a period, not a comma. As she got ready for work the she distanced herself from thoughts of the night’s events the she? eliminate "the"?
Lady_Shade Posted December 2, 2003 Author Report Posted December 2, 2003 Thank you, I guess proof reading at 1am doesnt really work that well Lady Shade
Ayshela Posted December 3, 2003 Report Posted December 3, 2003 heh yeah, that's not my favourite time of day for proofreading *anything*, though i find it's always easier to proof someone else's stuff, whatever time of day or night, since i *knew* what i meant so that's what i tend to see.
Appy Posted December 3, 2003 Report Posted December 3, 2003 (edited) Great story, makes me wonder how many people actually live like that.. on any level. It's the voice in my head that comes out at night, explaining to me the things that cannot stand the light of day Edited December 3, 2003 by Appy
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