Hound's curse

[HopperWolf]

Would that I could fly,

This Hell Hound’s had enough,

Of curséd souls

And the Tempter’s watch;

Unmoving on his ivory throne,

That of man was hewn,

And now he sits upon,

While I, his dog, below

At his wretched mass look on.

Writhing decay stares back;

Indulgence its putrid scent.

No bonds, no leash,

Confine me to this place,

But my own weak will.

 

The Messenger approach,

Pallor skin drawn tight,

Haunting beauty his mark.

Let rip this hell hound,

For Heaven’s sake.

 

Supple sickly skin gives way

With liquid ease,

His Angel down again,

His Angel’s flight rescind.

 

And so to the air,

On bloodied Fallen wings,

His hound no more,

Let the Tempter watch,

Unmoving on his ivory throne,

While this mutt flies beyond

The bounds of what he knows,

And me, no one’s, above.

 

The darkened sky gives way,

With liquid ease,

His kingdom’s ceiling holds

His kingdom’s hound within.

 

The ground returns,

With shattering promise.

Temptation laughs,

This dog is broken,

Temptation laughs,

This dog is his.

[WrenWind]

Supple sickly skin gives way

With liquid ease,

of all that this phrase sticks out at me *shudders* very grafic

 

 

Love it but the top verse doesn't seem to fit with the rest ..did i miss something?

[Regel]

Some very effective use of repeated themes.

 

 

And the Tempter’s watch;

Unmoving on his ivory throne,

 

Some confusion sets in the mind of this particular reader about the perspective of the story told. Too many layers to sift through to comment quickly.

I will reread this several more times and try to explain why I liked it so much. Several excellent lines in this like the one previously mentioned in Wren's post as well as this one:

 

No bonds, no leash,

Confine me to this place,

But my own weak will.

 

It resonates within me when I read it. Nice work.

[Vlad]

This doesn't seem to be finished. Each individual stanza seems to be fine, but most of them don't feel well together, in my opinion.

 

Hmm... Every other one seems to go well, maybe I missed something, like two voices?