Ceylara Posted November 25, 2003 Report Posted November 25, 2003 Okay, well, I thought I should start posting my work here a bit more, soooo here's my latest piece still in the works: You surround me like a film across water tha ripples beneath my fingertips yet does not break. An osmotic layer through which I feel warm breath against my neck, spectre hands apon my shoulders: a constant presence and reminder of what I really mean. You within me within you, miriad images reflected endlessly into which we both look earnestly hoping to see through that last door. You plead but I cannot reach out, can only streatch the film. You beat against it with your soul and I wish to break forth my spirit but I implode onto myself curl up in thick darkness and fade back into you again. You search yet I know not what to find, what to offer in exchange for freedom. For I protect you from yourself, from things you never dreamed to imagine or that there is nothing beyond the last mirror anyway. I am just a projection of your imagination after all. - November 20 I'm really liking this piece, and I've tried to put a concerted effort into imagery and word use and such. If you see anything, and I mean ANYTHING that sounds awkward or could be made more clear or whatever, please tell me. And give me interpretations. It's neat to see what other people get out of your work. Thanks ^-^
Ayshela Posted November 25, 2003 Report Posted November 25, 2003 mmmmm definitely an interesting piece. i'm far too tired right now to do much analysis, but will be coming back to this. A few minor edits for spelling would be helpful. tha ripples beneath my fingertips that? spectre hands apon my shoulders: upon? miriad images reflected endlessly myriad? can only streatch the film. stretch? from a read-through, even sleepy as i am, i really like this. i will come back when i'm more awake and able to trace the imagery for meaning. =)
Ceylara Posted November 26, 2003 Author Report Posted November 26, 2003 bleh... I was tired when I typed this last night. ignore the awful spelling and I fix it later...
Zariah Posted November 26, 2003 Report Posted November 26, 2003 I don;t see this very often, but I like the decesion you made to only capitalize the first letter of the first word of each real sentance. It helps ther reader follow along with the lines and connects them as a whole as well as apart. You have quite vivid exploration in your writing concerning spirit....I like that (I like to explore that aspect of everything through poetry). Really really nice, Ceylara, I look forward to reading much more.
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