Une histoire qui n'a pas d'histoire.

[Lady Celes Crusader]

Note de l'auteur: Ceci est un hommage à Pierre Gripari, qui a écris les histoires pour enfants les plus tordues que j'ai jamais lu.

 

Bonjour, je suis une histoire! Oui oui, une histoire. Qu'est-ce que je racontes? Ça dépend de vous! Je peux prendre la forme d'un conte de fée ou alors d'une histoire d'horreur. Je peux décrire des extra-terrestre comme les meurtres les plus crapuleux. Je peut être rempli d'amour ou d'angoisee, tout cela n'importe que de vous. À condition que vous avez envie de me raconter ou que vous en soyez capable.

 

Parce que c'est pas tout le monde qui sais raconter des histoires. Et moi, je suis une histoire capricieuse. J'aime pas qu'on me crache avec un débit trop élevé ou mal articulé. Je préfère qu'on me raconte avec patience, passion et expression. Je ne veux pas qu'on se souvienne de moi comme d'une histoire banale ou ennuyeuse. Ça serait vraiment triste pour moi. Je veux qu'on se souvienne de moi en tant qu'histoire captivante, fantastique, mémorable... Oh! Je m'excuse si je vous ai embêtée avec ma prétention mais bon, je tiens tellement à faire une bonne impression.

 

Alors? Voulez-vous me raconter?

[Lady Celes Crusader]

A story with no story

 

Author's note: The following is a hommage to Pierre Gripari, who had written the craziest child tales I ever read.

 

Hi, I'm a story! Yes, a story! What I am telling? It depends upon you! I can take the shape of a fairytale or a horror story. I can describe aliens as well the most crapulous murders. I can be full of love or of anguish; it's all up to you! But you need to tell me or you must be able to do it yourself.

 

Because it's not everyone who knows how to tell stories. And I, I am a capricious story. I don't like to be spat with fast flow or badly articulated. I prefer that I'm told with patience, passion and expression. I don't want to be recalled as banal or boring story. It would be way to sad for me. I want to be remembered as a captivating, fantastic and memorable story and — Oh! I'm sorry if I annoyed you with my pretention but, well, I wanted so much to make a good impression.

 

So? Do you want to tell me?

 

Edited: Made corrections Peredhil suggested

[Wyvern]

J'aime cette petite vignette beacoupe, Celes. L'histoire m'a interessé dés le debut avec le titre qui joue avec les mots, et le concept de la piéce est trés originale. J'ai particulairement aimé le notion que l'histoire peut être n'import quelle genre qu'on veut, car c'est nous qui le décide par nos propres idées et impressions.

 

Je pense que ce serai interesent si cette piéce était continuer. Mais, quand je pense, c'est peut être a nous les lecteurs de le continuer n'est-ce pas?

 

Trés bon piéce!

[Peredhil]

I don't speak French, although I did try once. (I seem only able to learn computer languages, other than my birth tongue.) But since you provided the English translation, I can offer feedback on *that* in hopes it somehow will help.

 

Upfront- I really like this concept, of the story speaking, wanting to be told well. There are prolly some jokes lurking to seek revenge for the way I mangled the poor things when I tried to transmit their humor.

 

~~~

Hi, I'm a story! Yes, yes 1, a story! What I am telling? It depends upon you! I can take the shape of a fairytale or of 2 a horror story. I can describe aliens as well the most crapulous 3 murders. I can be full of love or 4 anguish,5 it's all up to you! But you must need6 to tell me or you must be able to do it7.

 

Because it's not everyone who knows how to tell stories. And I, I am a capricious story. I don't like to be spitten 8 with a fast flow or badly articulated. I prefer that I'm told with paitence, passion and expression. I don't want to be recalled as a9 banal or boring story. It would be way to sad for me. I want to be remembered as a captivating, fantastic and memorable story and10... Oh! I'm sorry if I annoyed you with my pretention but11 well, I wanted to make a good impression a bit too much.12

 

So? Do you want to tell me?

 

~~~

 

Some of these will just be personal preference comments on phrasing.

1- Double yes in English isn't used much in casual speech. Many comedians use the double (no, no or yes, yes) to stereotype a non-native-English speaker.

2- I'd prolly drop this 2nd "of". a fairytale or a horror story. Hmm. on reflection, since I like to play with words and wordplay, maybe, "a fairytale or a tale of horror." 3 - not many people can use crapulous correctly. wonderful!

4- now here I *would* put in an extra "of" to add emphasis that the two are distinct. For full impact, I'd repeat the participle phrase: full of love or full or anguish.

5- semicolon instead of comma?

6- "must need" has an awkward usage in English. "But you must tell me" or "But you need to tell me". Perhaps the second choice would fit better, "But you need to tell me or you must be able to do it [yourself]". Which is...

7 - using "it" here could be ambiguous since it is reflexive. "it yourself" would clear that up.

8 - spit or spat, but I don't think spitten really fits... Does it?

9 - I'd remove the "a" to strengthen the sentence.

10 - At this point I'd use a dash(-) instead of ellipsis(...). Dash is more indicative of a break in speech or thought, while an ellipsis shows a pause in continuing.

11 - add a comma. "but, well, "

12 - perhaps reorder the words? "I wanted so much to make a good impression" or "I was trying too hard to make a good impression". Or you could leave it as is.

 

-Peredhil

[Lady Celes Crusader]

Wyvern: Merci. Au fond, la suite est dans le cœur du lecteur puisque c'est à chacun son histoire.

 

Peredhil: I could use some improvements (although my last English class was 10 years ago *gasps*) so thank you for providing me. I need more English speaker to review my translation, it'll help me a lot.

 

1. I didn't knew that! Double "yes" and "no" are so common in French.

2. > Interesting wordplay

3. It's because it's French counterpart (crapuleux) cannot be used otherwise.

4. Hum... I see. Thanks for the tip

5. Ooopsie

6. Point taken.

7. Thanks

8. I'll take it

9. Good suggestion.

10. I need to polish my punctuation

11. Oopsie

12. Yes I have freedom of choice.

[Yuki Kokoro]

This is wonderful and the emotions came out marvelously. If I found a story like that I would instantly want to tell it; I just relate to it so well.

[Lady Celes Crusader]

Thanks! I'm glad that it touched you.