Falcon2001 Posted November 19, 2003 Report Posted November 19, 2003 I hated how you looked at my eyes With sleepy love and hidden tolls You stole my heart and took it from me I let you have it so you would go I shut my walls, closed the doors and sealed off my whole soul I killed my thoughts, rejecting hoping That there was really something more Cold and bitter, the way you left me Heart of granite, wings of stone cold and bitter, feeling nothing heart of sorrow, all alone I hated how you looked inside me Focusing my turbid soul You awakened a part within me I had severed a long, long time ago Now I lie awake at midnight Wretched - wracked by memories Memories I can't run 'way from They have become a part of me Cold and bitter, when you left me Heart of crystal, wings of bone Cold and bitter, feeling empty Heart of darkness, the fault my own I see my soul covered in dark chains Embossed with all my darkest deeds My happiness has been all drained away Something came and stole from me I hate it all, but just can't manage To make myself care about anything I cry alone, spinning in the darkness My life has gone so far away I'm a cold and bitter man.
Tralla Posted November 19, 2003 Report Posted November 19, 2003 *Does the first comment happy dance, even though she's a little out of practice* Very, very nice, Falc m'dear. I like the images in this, particularly the gargoyle-esque image in "Heart of granite, wings of stone..." It's an amazingly apt image for this kind of situation. Well done. *Stops dancing to forcefeed Falcon sugar and push him over to sit by a nice warm fireplace*
Peredhil Posted November 19, 2003 Report Posted November 19, 2003 Heh, The Reply Raven flaps his way into the sub-topic line. It does paint a lonely bleak picture of a man, and does it well. When I read it, I get a sense of childish fear - I will never love again, because I've experienced pain. All loves may hurt me and I lack the courage to survive such pain again. Pain is Bad, and therefore is justification. Like Mark Twain's cat, learning the lesson far too well, and applying it to all situations instead of using individual judgement. Really, it's form of prejudice applied to affairs of the heart. But it *is* a well written poem. You've grown incredibly in voice and power since we first met. Big Hugs
Falcon2001 Posted November 19, 2003 Author Report Posted November 19, 2003 *sighs* Peredhil, of course, is right...I'm just unwilling to experience that pain again any time soon, and knowing that hurts too. In slightly better news, I was rather elated to see that I was able to use turbid correctly in a poem.
Ayshela Posted November 20, 2003 Report Posted November 20, 2003 turbid AND embossed! i'm quite impressed! =) i rather wish i didn't understand this quite so well.. *hugs* i've read this through several times, and stop at this line each time: I let you have it so you would gothis is so true, so many ways, but i don't think i've ever seen it put in words so elegantly. i wish i had more to say, because this certainly deserves full comment. and yet i find each time i read it, i sit here nodding and speechless.
reverie Posted November 20, 2003 Report Posted November 20, 2003 *tips his hat* So let the cold rain of night, freeze my heart warm. And muffle my mind, to let loose the storm And chain it to rhythm, to set ups the streams To quiet the demons, and silence the screams: Of Rage and of Worry, Of Fear and Regret The Tragic, the Bitten The Burned and the Set revery the dreamlost "Open the wounds that once you did cover Open them up, to help you recover" the dream continues...
WrenWind Posted November 20, 2003 Report Posted November 20, 2003 Cold and bitter, when you left me Heart of crystal, wings of bone Cold and bitter, feeling empty Heart of darkness, the fault my own Love the visiuals of this and the way this verse flows
Wyvern Posted November 21, 2003 Report Posted November 21, 2003 Like Tralla and Wrenwind, I really liked the imagery in this poem Falcon, particularly the "gargoyle-esque" images that Tralla mentioned. I loved the lines "Heart of granite, wings of stone" and "Heart of crystal, wings of bone," and particularly liked the way that the materials of the two lines contrast in terms of delicacy. While I think that the poem works very well as a whole, one thing that kind of bugged me was the very last line. I feel that it's telling what's already been implied by the previous stanzas, and thus is kind of unnecessary. Very good work.
Salinye Posted November 21, 2003 Report Posted November 21, 2003 Falcon, that was....Cold..and...Bitter..... Great poem! I echo the things the others have said. The imagery in this one was Fantastic. Thank you for painting unique gargoyles in my mind!! ~Salinye
Passionsrejected05 Posted November 22, 2003 Report Posted November 22, 2003 Like I said on the other forums...things may be hard now but you WILL get through them and after that, it will all be for the better. *Savannah has spoken* ;;;
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