Canid Posted November 6, 2003 Report Posted November 6, 2003 (edited) I fielt like writing this... pathetic, I know. A shrinking view; far too far from perfect to survive, and I, alive, mourn as it passes. Into the oblivion of the right half of my perception it sinks as I wonder if I will slow or recover, if I will see in age as I see now. [Edit: Potatoes is much better... go and read that instead! ...don't know why I bothered. ] Edited November 6, 2003 by Canid
Appy Posted November 8, 2003 Report Posted November 8, 2003 this is interesting aswell though.. even though potatoes is much funnier has many possible explanations this, but the overall reflection on ageing.. I kinda like it after reading it three times over to catch the flow
Canid Posted November 8, 2003 Author Report Posted November 8, 2003 Not so much on aging as on loss and hope.... losing sight in one eye (however gradually) is not a plesant thing to experience at 17.
Appy Posted November 8, 2003 Report Posted November 8, 2003 *meeps and hugs* sorry to hear that Life never deals a perfect hand it seems
Canid Posted November 8, 2003 Author Report Posted November 8, 2003 It is quite possible I can turn it around... just very possible that I will fail.
Appy Posted November 9, 2003 Report Posted November 9, 2003 *Appy will cross her thumbs for you every now and then then* Good Luck for sure!
Wyvern Posted November 9, 2003 Report Posted November 9, 2003 Canid, Personally, I think that this is a superb poem... it's perhaps one of my favorite of your poems to date. I love the poem because it deals with a serious, heartfelt issue in an original and intriguing manner. Your choices of sight-related imagery, in particular, are truly excellent in my opinion. You could have simply mentioned an "eye" in the poem, but instead chose to personalize the dilemma with phrases such as "shrinking view" and (my personal favorite line) "oblivion of the right half of my perception." The poem is also written in a manner that allows the reader to relate to it personally, and the flow of the poem is completely smooth and unforced. It's no surprise that the theme of the poem was taken from troubling, personal emotions... While I enjoyed "Potatoes" as much as the next member and found it a fun and well written work, I'm personally going to have to argue that this poem exceeds it in every regard. Excellent work!
Canid Posted November 9, 2003 Author Report Posted November 9, 2003 Oh dear... I'd hate to think that this would be held as the best of my work (much though I appreciate the complement). I am glad that for what it is, you think it is quallity; I'd have absolutely no abillity to judge there since I absolutely loathe poetry like this. To me, such work is pointless beyond a personal level - I don't know why people like it. Out of interest, "shrinking view" was litteral. It was one of the things that clued me into the fact that the vision was going down hill as opposed to being maintained - the picture is smaller by about a couple millimeters depending on the distance of the object.
Beautiful Nightmare Posted November 9, 2003 Report Posted November 9, 2003 Pathetic? Whatever made you call it that i think its very good actually!
Illianna Wolfsong Posted November 9, 2003 Report Posted November 9, 2003 Canid, if I may share a personal tidbit with you, I have been without the use of one eye since early childhood (or at leas that's when it was discovered in full force). To look at me you wouldn't know it, and some people have felt sorry for me over the years because I have no depth perception as a result of it... well, unlike you, I've never experienced loss... this simply is how I see. I see depth as I know depth to be. When I look at a photograph, I see what other people see. When I see the world, I see the same depth as is in a photograph. I can still judge foreground, background, and estimate distance (though that also pulls on math which is about as comfortable in my brain as glass shards are in a catheder). That is simply how my world has always looked. I do, however also suffer from scyntilating scotoma... that is to say, optical migraine... so every once in a while, my vision narrows (literally), darkens, distorts and occasionally poofs for brief periods... I do know how disturbing and frightening this feels and can only imagine that for you, vision in one eye doing similar things must feel exactly the same only moreso because you are looking at it as a long-term, possibly permanent change. *hugs* I hope that your eye does not become a casualty of sorts, but either way, know that life can be normal save for a few modifications (Don't play short-stop... that would be a bad thing.). As far as the poem itself, I think you should be quite pleased with it. You do a superb job of capturing imagery and you also (though perhaps letting less than the full degree of impact show) convey the feeling of helplessness that accompanies such a physical change... you become an observer of yourself rather than a participant. Kudos on a piece well written. -Illi
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