Yatsuna13 Posted November 3, 2003 Report Posted November 3, 2003 i am but a shadow a meer reflection of self the one who trails behind the crowd who's left upon the shelf i am but a shadow the unordinary teen the who is ignored by all the one who's never seen i am but a shadow no light shines on my step only darkness do i see so long have i slept i am but a shadow will i ever be free or will i begin to wither away no one will ever see me ~Yatsuna don't forget to "close all tags!" - Peredhil
Kayleana Posted November 3, 2003 Report Posted November 3, 2003 Well done poem. I really liked it. Nice. Kayleana
Regel Posted November 3, 2003 Report Posted November 3, 2003 (edited) This is a nicely written poem with many universal elements. Everyone (that can still remember their own teen years) can relate to it. Not everyone can be the center of attention at any given moment but I am willing to bet a dollar to a doughnut (my standard wager) that you didn’t escape everyone’s notice. Perhaps you are like me, a late bloomer. Keep writing you show promise. Edited November 3, 2003 by Regel
Kalypso Posted November 3, 2003 Report Posted November 3, 2003 I remember feeling like that long, long ago.
Ayshela Posted November 3, 2003 Report Posted November 3, 2003 *laughs* and i've still days i feel like that. i especially like i am but a shadow no light shines on my step only darkness do i see two quick suggestions: a meer reflection of self mere and the who is ignored by allthe *one* who?
reverie Posted November 4, 2003 Report Posted November 4, 2003 very nice... good show... might consider replacing 'wither' with 'fade' in the last stanza... but then again, that phrase might be a little to cliche for your tastes... oh well just a suggestion... revery the dreamlost "build that wall(aimee mann.)" the dream continues...
Damon Inferel Posted November 7, 2003 Report Posted November 7, 2003 Erm... it's poemy. I think you missed a word in there though... Um.. maybe... Hold please... the who is ignored by all shouldn't that be, the one... maybe? I don't know, I'm not you, but whatever... Good poem.
Illianna Wolfsong Posted November 7, 2003 Report Posted November 7, 2003 (edited) A shadow's weight (For Yatsuna) In shadows dwell many a good thing For the fullness of the sun can burn As an ever-watching eye can sting And cause a bloom to wilt and turn. All angst can be outlasted All pain can be overthrown Let the ache of sorrow touch unabashed Lest compassion dies with memory outgrown. When walking far behind the step Of those whose path is lit with attention Remember from your spot you've kept Your own choice as yours for your direction. The day shall come when amidst the shade Another soul of quiet breath Shall cross with yours thus a new path made And this lonliness shall meet it's death. Edited November 7, 2003 by Illianna Wolfsong
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