Ending Hour

[Elwen]

Ending Hour

 

 

Note: This is a side-story to a longer work, which will come shortly. So, if it seems like things happen too quickly-this takes place in a larger framework.

 

 

Lian Varden stared out into the dark void in front of her, with dull eyes. The normally luminous blue-green eyes of the young engineer were a glassy, lusterless pale blue, almost colorless. The color of her eyes changed to show her mood, as they always had, and they had been almost colorless for several days now. The young woman sighed, and rubbed at her weary eyes. She hadn’t gotten much sleep lately.

 

As if she cared anymore. Not only was she tired physically, she was tired emotionally, mentally, down to the depths of her tarnished soul. She lay awake at night, and thought about what had happened a week ago, when the anchor she had clung to had turned his back and walked away, leaving her alone again. The falling domino which set the whole pile falling. She lay awake and thought about her only viable option, her only way out or so it seemed, and every night it seemed to become even more appealing.

 

Lian sighed and stood, tearing herself away from the cold, dark vacuum in front of her, that reached for her with open arms. She looked around-everyone else on the bridge was busy with their own tasks. No one would see-or even care-if she left. It was as if she had disappeared off the face of all the worlds.

 

Another mark in favor. To tell the truth, she had been thinking about this for a while, and what had happened a week ago had only cemented her fortitude to go through with this.

 

It was as if she was trapped, behind these metal walls. But it was her own fault she was here, after all. No one forced her to stay on the Kiboo no Hoshi, no one had forced her to come in the first place. She had made the choice to come, to escape those who still sought the person she had been, sought the knowledge in her mind and the magic at her fingertips. She was trapped here, seemingly safe but falling apart every day, trapped between who she had been and the life she had always dreamed of.

 

Kiboo no Hoshi. Star of Hope. What a joke.

 

To be perfectly fair, it was her choice that had brought her here and her choice which made her stay. No one stuck a gun to her head or a knife to her throat which made her stay on the Kiboo. And she didn’t hate it. If she had been in any rational state of mind, Lian would have realized that it was this she wanted, it was this she truly desired.

 

But she wasn’t. Too much had happened to her in her short lifetime, and she wanted out. It made the situation worse, of course. She wanted to run away the way she had always run, even if it meant giving up everything she had been and everything she had become and everything she had always wanted to be.

 

She had always stayed one step ahead, one step ahead of falling into oblivion. That was the way she had spent her life-she had run away from danger. And she would run from this danger the only way she had left.

 

As Lian stood in her room, a crazy thought ran through her mind. What would Shade think when he found out? Lian laughed, but it was shaky, unhinged laughter. Who the hell cared what Shade thought? Obviously not Lian, because she was doing this, after all.

 

Arrogant bastard. All she had been to him was another pretty face, not something to ever love or cherish. He didn’t care about her: all he saw in her was another of his lost lovers, who had all died long ago. Elanor? Adunial? Keth? Who? She certainly didn’t want to know. She had never been someone to be loved or cherished, she had already lost hope that she would ever be.

 

And in the end, it had happened. Shade had left her: the way everyone else did, and had, and would, and would continue to leave her in the future.

 

That had been a week ago. A week of sorrow, and anger, and apathy.

 

Lian couldn’t take it any more.

 

Everyone treated her differently. Whispered behind her back, over her head, avoided her. They would leave her too, she knew it. Probably dump her on some backwater planet in the most forsaken corner of the galaxy, just abandon her one day. If she was lucky, they’d be a little nicer about it, maybe give her time to get her things before throwing her off.

 

If Lian had been in a rational state of mind, she would have realized that the rest of the crew was worried about her, giving her her space, letting her have time to think things through. That Shade was actually grieving, regretting what he had done in shoving her away, that he didn’t know how to reach out to her again. That he was trying to realize how he was going to pick up the shattered pieces of their friendship.

 

But Lian wasn’t in a rational mood. She snapped out a short command, and sealed the door of her room.

 

Predictably enough, Ki appeared in her room, moments later. The AI avatar of the Kiboo no Hoshi frowned at Lian and informed her that she was supposed to be on the bridge. Lian glared at her and told her to go the hell away. Ki vanished.

 

Lian hit her forehead with a small hand, when she realized that Ki had probably gone to report this to another member of the crew. She would have to work fast, then. She crossed into her small bathroom and shut the door.

 

She wondered if anyone would even care when they found out. They would probably be glad that there was one less mouth to feed and that the burden was gone.

 

People had left her before. Left her forever. No one had ever stayed. Promises meant nothing, which was why Lian had never promised anyone that she would be there forever.

 

She had never known her father: he had been murdered before she had been born. Mother had died of starvation when Lian had been five, giving her daughter as much nourishment as she could.

 

You made the wrong choice, Mother. You should have saved yourself.

 

Talia and her cousins…all of them had been killed by those seeking Lian herself.

 

Harper…run. Disguise yourself. Get off planet, if you can…

 

They had left her, and she had been responsible. Ultimately, the guilt was hers to bear, why they were dead and why she was alone.

 

Lian Varden was sick of it. This time, she would be the one to leave.

 

She lifted an old-fashioned straight razor out of a drawer. She had never used it: this would be the first and last time. Lian looked at it and sighed, too tired to even think of anything else.

 

She looked at a picture on the wall. Bright and colorful. Lian smiled, a mockery of her former smile, itself a mockery of true happiness.

 

If she had stayed, they would have left her anyway. She would have given up on people: she should have done that all along.

 

I’m not sorry. she thought. She wasn’t sorry for Shade: arrogant bastard didn’t care at all. He was the one who had finally driven her to it. She was indifferent about Terrill: Terrill had always been indifferent about her, and would be, anyway. It was the same for Ki, who would never have even given the time of day to Lian, her creator.

 

Lian was a little sorry about Ariel, a little sorry that she had seen something in her that wasn’t there.

 

She was sorry for Harper, who had never gotten the chance to live: it hadn’t been his fault that she had had to exist in the first place, it wasn’t his fault that things had had to turn out like this.

 

Harper…run. Disguise yourself. Get off planet, if you can…

 

And she was sorry for Zid, whose heart would be broken. He had done nothing but reach out to her, with his ready smile and friendship.

 

I’m sorry, Zid, but you would have left me anyway.

 

 

They would have left her, anyway. So, with a flick of her wrist, and a smile on her face, Lian left them all instead.

 

~Owari~

[Kalypso]

You did a wonderful job of expressing her inner conflict. It was pretty obvious it was but a snapshot of a larger story. I look forward to reading the rest of it.

 

Kalypso

[Wyvern]

I agree with Kalypso that you do an excellent job of portraying the inner conflict of Lian throughout this piece, Elwen. I think that she's characterized with ambivalent emotions that render her thoughts realistic, and it makes for a very intriguing read. I can't wait to see how this story developes, and am particularly interested in learning more about the relationships between the various characters.

 

The one thing I think you could do to improve the piece a bit is to add more detail. While Lian's thoughts and emotions are very interesting and well put together, original details and description can really draw the reader further into the piece. Sensory description, such as what Lian see's, smells, feels, etc. could really add to the story in my opinion.

 

Good stuff!

[Damon Inferel]

you know, somewhere in the endless morbid novel of my mind, I often contemplate the exact same thing. How it would be to know that all things end and that everything eventually leaves. Friends, family, comrades, compatriots, acquaintances, it all ends. Nothing is truly perpetual, save for the flow of time. It is in this sense that my mind has flickered back and forth between thoughts of death and self-destruction. My mind flickers, but my hand stays still, bound to a promise of course.

 

Oftentimes there is a severe conflict, not knowing what would occur after the eternal silence. who would care in the place of those who didn't. Were there 'secret admirers' of my life? Will those who once showed me malice weep at my burial? I do not know, and at some points, the thought only annoys me. Sometimes the fall doesn't seem that far. Sometimes the blade doesn't seem that sharp, nor the wound so deep. But, in the end, it's all worth it somehow. Life goes on and you forget about those little conflicts. It's not an anti-suicide response, but something of a thought that was inspired by this piece.

 

I've never read anything of yours ashke that I didn't thoroughly enjoy, or at the very least, take to heart in some way. Wonderful work, and perhaps someday i'll see the whole story. Good job!