Falcon2001 Posted October 13, 2003 Report Posted October 13, 2003 Freeform Black roses, sharp and beautiful Lying on the ground beside you White snowflakes dancing in the sky Whirling round you, in a dizzy haze Red bloodstains, from your painful time Clot with sadness, fill with madness Purple bruises from the choice you made Beautiful and falling from your grace Blue tears I cried for your sanity Please come back to me, my lovely Silver moonlight, blessing my vow of life Transposing, scorning you again Black roses, sharp and beautiful I can't stand because you're gone This poem is about a girl I knew once, but she decided to live her life with a man who treated her like an object, so I turned my back on her. But black roses will forever remain her symbol to me.
Justin Silverblade Posted October 14, 2003 Report Posted October 14, 2003 Well, I thought: The poem stabs (in a good way) it's emotion into the reader. Not a gentle caress, but... well... the imagry I see to describe it is "the prick of a thorn into skin, drawing gently a single droplet of blood." That's how the emotion was brought to me - a stab of verse followed by a dollup (sp?) of thought. All, of course, dripping into one pool of beautiful message. A wonderful (tragic) poem. What stood out as my favorites particularly were: Black roses, sharp and beautiful At the beginning of the piece. This is what first gave me that "prickly" sensation. Crisp and precise. But personally... the contrast of the last verse, having been aquainted with the thought I have aformentioned (OOoOOoo, a big word!)... Black roses, sharp and beautiful I can't stand because you're gone Well, it gives you that really weak feeling, ya know? To complete the corresponding image I'd give it would be to think that someone was drained so much (from the stabs of the poem) that the message is almost too much. I don't know if that makes a lot of sense, but the short version of it is: "Cool contrast!" Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed it very much. A very sad message, very evocatively portrayed. - Justin
Peredhil Posted October 14, 2003 Report Posted October 14, 2003 As I said in IRC, I really like this. The only possible flyspeck on this shining work is: Clot with sadness, fill with madnessin which I would change the verbs to match the past tense, ie: clot to clotted, and fill to filled. It's great to see you posting again.
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