Chanz Posted October 4, 2003 Report Posted October 4, 2003 This is a poem that i have been working on for a bit......so that's why some things may not to you, seem like they should fit, but to me it makes perfect sense. ******************************************************************** In my head I am so confused, Externely my body is bruised. Why does everyone have to hurt my heart. You'd think after all this time i'd be smart! I really hate who I am, But i'm too tired to give a damn. I don't like what i've become, I've turned so thick and dumb. Against this world I am so little, But who cares? Cause life's just a stuffed up riddle. I sit here crying on my bed, Trying to understand what is going through your head. It's too complex for me to understand, So will you please just hold my hand. I figure if i shut my eyes, Then when i open them, Iwont be alive. But this is not true, Nothing I believe in is, just like me and you. I hoped you and I would be forever, That we'd spend every second together. Inside me i have alot of hate, Even towards my best mate. You made me so upset yesterday, Now i'm still upset, but grey. Everyone says, "Everyone has someone to love", I love the one's who are above. Now that you're gone, i've got nothing to hold onto, Nothing to do. My grades have gone down the drain, From hitting you I have to refrain! I really hate school, It makes me feel like such a fool. All i really want is to die, But against this you made me defie. Damn you! you've ruined everything! Now an end to my life, i want to bring. I hate the way it's turned out like this, I think i will give it a miss. The looks you gice me are like ice, My wrists i want to slice. I hate you for what you've done to me, Now i feel like i'll never be free. I fell back in love with you again, But instead of love, you gave me pain. I sit down and cut my thigh, Then shut my eyes, and wish to die. All i want is for you to feel the way i feel, But that's just a dream, it aint real. But you couldn't careless, About what i have to confess. Because of you all i want to do is die, Everynight i sit on bed and cry. I hate the way you make me so sad, That realy makes me mad! The way you act makes me ill, because of you i am addicted to this pill. I love you, but i hate you, and that is so true.
Loki Wyrd Posted October 4, 2003 Report Posted October 4, 2003 Editor coming through! Just some little mistakes you may wish to change: externely = externally *I'd (remember to always capitalize those I's...that's the last time I'll mention any capitalization errors, even if I see further instances of this mistake) Iwont = I won't alot = a lot defie = defy gice = give (?) aint = isn't, or ain't if you wish to keep it like that careless = care less everynight = every night realy = really Sorry about all that, I just wanted to help you make your poem to be a polished work. It would seem many people have these feelings. Sad, but true. Love is truly an evil wench, don't let it get you down.
DarkPainInside Posted October 5, 2003 Report Posted October 5, 2003 HuGz chanz that was so moving and sad... Wilso would be freakin! i'm here if u wanna talk or cry (...or waste class time!)
Parmenion Posted October 5, 2003 Report Posted October 5, 2003 I enjoyed this poem. I feel the repetition where necessary really drove home the points that you were trying to get across. I was however lost as to what exactly it was that the narrator had done on them by this person. I thought it was going to get explained but it wasn't or maybe I missed it... In relation to the theme of the poem (and wait for all the disagreements lol) - when someone hurts you and you can't ignore it - hurt 'em back. Hit 'em hard either emotionally or physically - they won't do it again in a hurry!! No point hurting oneself when one can hurt others now is there? /me tuts
Guest Morbid Angel Posted October 6, 2003 Report Posted October 6, 2003 PARMENION-Thannks! i could never hit some body that i loved..........physically or emotionally! The poem is baout a few people, they all did different things, but they mainly just broke my heart. DARKPAININSIDE-So would barling!!!!!thx. LOKI WYRD- Thankyou for your grammatical help, sometimes i'm not very good in that area, thx for the help!much appreciated!
Peredhil Posted October 6, 2003 Report Posted October 6, 2003 Dark poem, but it conveys the pain and anger well. (If Chanz is Morbid Angel, like the last comment seems to mean, then an Elder could prolly change one account to another - I think.)
Guest Morbid Angel Posted October 7, 2003 Report Posted October 7, 2003 no sorri, i am not chanz. she was at my palce and replied in my name accidentally......sorri guys 4 any inconvenience........
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