Loki Wyrd Posted September 18, 2003 Report Posted September 18, 2003 (edited) I was told to trust you That you would know what's right You said that you would help me, And that I should not fight I did as you wanted Even though I thought it wrong Crying through the nights Fearful of the dawn What was it I have done? Tell me, was I bad? Why am I being punished? Have I made you mad? Having nightmares when I slept Worse dreams when awake Feeling sick all the time Hoping I would never wake I was supposed to trust you Even though you had not earned it I once had a childhood You took it and you burned it Edited September 18, 2003 by Loki Wyrd
Appy Posted September 18, 2003 Report Posted September 18, 2003 ~Would you believe me if I told you I woke up with a little story in my head with about the same topic, the twisted youth thing?~ I thought this was a very good read.. I only tended to not like the double use of "wake" in the 4th stanza.. but that's just me not wanting to use the same word-type/sound in the same stanza I guess. If its the only stanza in the poem that has that anyways. (don't quote me on this, i'm sure i did it too somewhere ) Well done
Loki Wyrd Posted September 18, 2003 Author Report Posted September 18, 2003 I agree about the double wake thing. It's just I could not find anything that would fit so well. I'm sure if I would have given it much thought I could have, but I try not to think too much... As for your waking up and thinking of the same thing...just remember, I know how to remedy such...
Peredhil Posted September 18, 2003 Report Posted September 18, 2003 I think this is well written. Seems it applies to many people in our modern society.
Appy Posted September 18, 2003 Report Posted September 18, 2003 something that i heard today and that really upset me, that is part of this i guess.. In america 27 (!) children die each day because of mishandling and abuse from parents. In germany 2 (still !) die that way each day.. bringing germany on 3rd place, but in the same league as most european countries. disturbing to have it told like that...they actually used the word league
sleepless Posted September 22, 2003 Report Posted September 22, 2003 Nice poem Loki, although I have difficulty with the wrong/dawn bit. Maybe it's accent orientated
Loki Wyrd Posted September 23, 2003 Author Report Posted September 23, 2003 Wrong and dawn sound fine to me. They don't rhyme as you think of a rhyme in the general sense, but if said properly they sound alright. Damn brits...
Recommended Posts