Alaeha Posted September 17, 2003 Report Posted September 17, 2003 I actually sat down and wrote something that vaguely resembles a free form poem. First of its kind, so it's probably absolutely horrid... especially the second stanza. Any suggestions would be more than welcome. They'd be requested. Living on Breathing... Feel the heart beat. Taste the life's blood. Now watch as it all flows away. Breathing... Smell the body. She still listens to everything that you say. Living... somehow breathing... She still goes on. In this nightmare, she still waits for day.
Loki Wyrd Posted September 17, 2003 Report Posted September 17, 2003 Well I'm afraid I'm useless when it comes to suggestions. However, I did enjoy it. You should try writing that way more often. You never know what you may end up with.
Ayshela Posted September 18, 2003 Report Posted September 18, 2003 i like this. i found myself expecting the "somehow breathing" to follow the pattern of the first two, yet most of the senses are covered in the first two and "somehow breathing" does fit. i haven't really any suggestions, but i do like this.
Alaeha Posted September 18, 2003 Author Report Posted September 18, 2003 Actually, all the senses but humor are covered if you count the last line of the first stanza. I couldn't think of some way to work humor into it, unfortunately. *Sighs*
Ayshela Posted September 18, 2003 Report Posted September 18, 2003 true, they are. i hadn't noticed that. my bad. i don't know how you'd work humour into it either, honestly. it would be a dark humour at best.
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