Marishka Lyn Posted September 11, 2003 Report Posted September 11, 2003 "On love conquering all" painted sky, crimson moon feels like death tonight looking down, from the desolate hillside the stranger sees her the girl he used to know he longs for her to hear her voice to touch her milky skin a simple act to show he was not gone but there it is again, the crystalline barrier between light and dark, separating the two kindred souls his choice was a necessity, his only way out or so he thought she, the girl he used to know could have saved him if she'd known the burdens resting upon his weary mind same sky, identical moon the girl, the one he used to know layed out upon her bed, transfixed on the same transparent barrier keeping her from him the boy she used to know aching from all the animosity "she shouldn't miss him, she should be mad" she became fixated on faded letters and a tearstained photograph the only memories she still had mind made up, feeling no remorse she prepares to break the glass... to be with him once more no goodbyes..she'd finally be with him the boy she used to know grabbing the bottle, she gulped it down freedom from her earthly baggage eternities later, hillside she arose seeing only him the boy she used to know together now throughout eternity perched upon their hillside ledge both complete at last they peered through the fractured "glass" upon the life that they once knew....
Degenero Angelus Posted September 11, 2003 Report Posted September 11, 2003 I truthfully don't know what to say, and I'm not left speechless awesome. Where to begin? That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. It captures that feeling better than I ever thought possible. So many people could relate to something like this. I actually cried, but that was more from recent events of my own that the poem reminded me of. Formwise, it's a different story. It just seems, odd, but I kind of get the feeling it was meant too. It looks off at first glance, the way the lines are and whatever. It sounds really good when spoken out loud, though, and that's the true test of poetry. Thanks for sharing, this was, once again, beautiful. Nicely done.
Marishka Lyn Posted September 13, 2003 Author Report Posted September 13, 2003 I truthfully don't know what to say, and I'm not left speechless awesome. Where to begin? That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. It captures that feeling better than I ever thought possible. So many people could relate to something like this. I actually cried, but that was more from recent events of my own that the poem reminded me of. Formwise, it's a different story. It just seems, odd, but I kind of get the feeling it was meant too. It looks off at first glance, the way the lines are and whatever. It sounds really good when spoken out loud, though, and that's the true test of poetry. Thanks for sharing, this was, once again, beautiful. Nicely done. I wrote it to be read out loud.....I'm not sure why it came out in that form but it sounded nice when spoken so I left it that way
Rhapsody Posted September 20, 2003 Report Posted September 20, 2003 Yes, I can imagine this being read aloud. it seemed to me some parts of it rhymed, though I could never figure out a particular rhyme scheme. Initally I thought it didn't flow very well, but as I read on, it got better. Your style seems a juxtaposition of lyric and dramatic poetry. It's very free-form and evocative. The imagery is ingenious. I sense a new talent here. Welcome to the Pen, Marishka.
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