Tanuchan

No, AVV can't be seen at all . I use Firefox, as reference. ~Tanny

Celina smiles at the Madame, then gets some cookies and juice and takes them to her, sitting at her side. "So, Artsy, what have you predicted so far about our day?" The Madame picks the cookies daintly, raising an eyebrow. "Such way of calling me, Celina, is ruining our friendship." "Aw, c'mon, Artsy... your arts are so fine and sharp, I'm just acknowledging them in you." Celina grins, making the Madame roll her eyes. "Now, come here... I wonder what's the prediction for next days for a guy... mmm... Taurus, ascendant in Virgo... gosh, I'm thankful sometimes they babble in their letters... " Carefully, Celina puts aside the letter Sweetcherrie has called her attention to, decided to answer first some of the others as a warming up. Then, she reclines on her chair and looks at the Madame, a twinkling of mischief in her eyes.

Stephen put his hand in his pocket and clasped his fingers around the wooden Wyvern statue. :: Tanny, are you okay? :: The fog had draped itself around Tanny without her quite noticing it, for that cold touch had again awakened memories. The cool and faint touch of air mixed with water, teasing her into trying to grasp it. Droplets of water clinging to the airy threads, riding their twists while she tries to weave them back into her earth threads. Threads of cold air touching her, wrapping around her... ::NO!:: ::Tanny? Don't move, we're all nearby somehow!:: Stephen's strong mental voice snaps her out from her memories, and she feels her own voice tremble. ::Stephen... gods, I'm glad to hear you... :: ::Where are you? What happened?:: ::Don't ask... not now... just keep talking to me!:: Stephen's surprised by the shakiness he senses from Tanny's voice, and lets the silence drag on. Tanny looks at the fog wall, the dream coming back to her. You're strong... as strong as the last one... you can do so much more if you just follow us. Stay there, learn their secrets, learn how each one works... then cross the river and come to us. Follow the fog, and the lava. She whimpers, denying it as she had done decades ago. "No. I refuse. I'll leave sooner than later, and keep them safe. I'm Myrienne's Blood, but I'm not accursed." She makes a gesture of denial, instinctively reaching deep into earth. The energy flows into her at once, but it brings also the feel of water and air. Still fighting the haunting memories, Tanny reaches with a mental finger and unwraps the threads of air without paying attention to what she's doing, usign Gryphon's jewel to control air as easily as she uses to control earth. But that also goes unnoticed to her, and she weaves a tight shield of pure earth and water around her. ::Stephen! Can you follow this?:: Saying this, Tanny throws a mental rope made of earth threads in the directioni she can dimly sense Stephen's voice is stronger. Hopefully he can follow it as he follows the threads for information... maybe we can find the others then.

Posting here something I had sent Sweet Celina Korran is a pretty fun and active person, and sometimes seems even a bit silly. She likes to help people, but the letters she get are so repetitive and clichéd that she makes a lot of fun of them before giving an answer. That might be coherent or not. She would even work together with the Horoscope Lady to adjust her answer to the day's horoscope... That doesn't mean that she's insensitive - just that she thinks most of the letters are silly and people need a prodding to get back to their senses. That's the reason for her initial comment. And the one she thought interesting would probably be something so bizarre, that drew her attention - or so common but written in a funny way. I don't intend to deal with any serious problem - though, if one appears, she will give serious advice.

Petey, there's no need to RP at all if you don't feel like it . There are lots of members who are just themselves... I happen to be a Poet but also a RPer. Don't worry about it, and be welcome to the Pen. I hope you like it here, and that we can share your work - be it poetry, tale, or role-play. *hugs* ~Tanny

I've just posted in the phase 2 thread... I hope it's something like that? I'm just supposing that "Abby" has already gotten some letters, because otherwise there would be no way to have an agony column Let me know if you need me to change anything. ~Tanny

Celina "Abby" Korran arrives in the office with a sigh. Throwing her hat on the chair at the corner, she gives a cursory glance at the letters someone stacked neatly on her desk. "Do they never get tired of getting the same trouble over and over? Dear Abby, my husband's having an affair. Dear Abby, I think my son is gay. Dear Abby, I think my mom suspects I'm gay. Dear Abby, my boyfriend doesn't understand me. Dear Abby, dear Abby, dear... " She mumbles, flipping the letters. "Ohhh... this one seems neat for a start..." With a smile, she selects one letter and puts it on top of the others. Then, feeling more relaxed, she goes to the coffee table and waits for the others to arrive, looking forward for some chatting before the meeting.

Tanny stares warily at the slowly approaching shadowy, feline-like figure. It wavers a bit, and suddenly Tanny isn't sure if it's her friend or one of the Clan warriors in hybrid form. Still badly shaken, she again pushes back the memory and shimmers into her wolf shape, turning and trotting towards the battle in a pace that can be easily matched by someone intending to catch up with her. If it's Mynx, she'll follow me. If it's not... I hope it hasn't actually seem me... The thought is incoherent, but Tanny ignores the flaw as she suddenly senses some kind of energy being channeled. Focusing her mind on that, she succeeds on calming herself down by the time she sees the first buildings. There seems to be a battle raging down a street - where has the grassland gone? - and she can glimpse the sun reflecting on plate mail. Keeping to the shadows of the buildings, Tanny follows the fainter and fainter channeling, always keeping an eye on the direction of that somewhat ghostly battle. Finally, turning a corner, she sees a fallen warrior. By then the channeling is almost gone, but she can still sense that he is the focus. Vincent moans softly, turning his head slightly and opening his eyes, trying to locate where the army has gone. Doing so, he sees the black wolf right at his side. With an energy he was surprised to find, he grasps his sword and manages to draw it towards her, propping himself on his elbow. The wolf quickly steps out of the range of that sharp blade, and shimmers into the form of a black-haired woman. Vincent gasps in surprise, and at the same time his elbow gives way and he collapses down. "Vincent... you remember me, don't you? Tanny, from the Pen... " She calls in a soft voice, approaching slowly. Her voice helps clearing his mind, and he nods weakly. Tanny touches him, and opens herself to the earth flows. Grounding herself fimrly, she reaches down the deepest she can, looking for a pure, strong thread. Slowly, ignoring a hint of pain in her mind, she brings that energy into Vincent's body. It's... sluggish... but I hope it's enough... Concentrated on healing Vincent, Tanny doesn't notice when Stephen carefully steps around the corner of the house.

Sightless in the night floating free without light a name flows from dry lips a whisper of hope amid chaos. An amulet made of a name protection coming from unseen eyes familiar soul giving warmth. Looking for the answer to fright a heart opens itself to the night: not what was wrong but how it can be made right. Welcome to the Pen It's always nice to see another poet around, and I hope you like it here. Sit down and make yourself comfortable while our Elder Lizard is out in one of his schemes... A wolf head appears in the open door, and it's followed by her whole body. Tanny shimmers into her human form, smiling and greeting the new applicant while offering some coffee and cookies.

The energy slowly flowing into her helps at first, and for that Tanny's grateful. However, as soon as the pain abates to bearable levels and she's able to think more coherently, she feels a sharp tugging and a warping of the thread she's holding. What...? She gasps, feeling that small, once familiar thread fighting her as she were an enemy, and all of a sudden being joined by several threads. She reaches for those threads, using all her skill to quiet them - to no avail. Each of the threads seem to wrap around her, not protectively as she would have woven them, but in an aggressive, strangling way. No! This can't be! Frantically she turns her concentration to Gryphon's focus jewel, forcing the panic down. The earth threads seem then to quiet, and she breathes. I haven't lost control like this in... decades... She gingerly opens her eyes, suddenly wondering where Stephen is. The tall figure of the Ranger can be seen some steps away, crouched. Tanny stands up carefully, trying to call him; her voice comes in a hoarse whisper, and even the thought of using mindspeech sends a stab of pain through her mind. She reaches out to earth out of instinct and, feeling the clean energy flowing, she lets it envelope her. At least it has calmed... A sudden memory comes to her, and as if dragged by the memory, a cold touch crawls in with the threads she's channeling. Cold as the air! No!!! The cold blanks her out for a second. When she can breathe again, she sees herself among the last of tall trees, a river flowing into a grassy plain. Taking the landscape in, she just knows that a couple of miles to the east lies the Mirror of Night, the pool where she had first learned to work with water threads. And, a day of travel farther, the heart of Shadowmere. Misty figures appear, changing from human to fox, wolf, rabbit, bird. And more. Some peek in, curious, and scurry away when she stares at them, their names rolling from her tongue in a rarely-heard language. Some produce shimmering weapons of ice or fire, threatening her but not approaching. Among those, she recognizes who her heart knew would be there. "Eldest of the Elders..." "You cannot return, Tanryell. You've been banned. Coming into this land is death to you." "I don't..." "We know you learned the Air. Have you unleashed the Fire also? Have you finally let Miryenne's blood free?" Tanny steps back, letting the untainted energies of earth and water from her Homeland fill her in. The Eldest points his staff at her. "Are you reaching into the Abomination now, Tanryell? Dare you to weave what has not been woven in Shadowmere in centuries?" Sudden fear wells in Tanny's - Tanryell's - heart as she sees more warriors joining the group. "Leave. Or share Myrienne's fate. Tanryell's has been dead for decades now... we'll see to it that not even the memory survives. Or a shadow of a legend... you've been banned and defied the ban." Tanny turns and flees, changing mid-jump into her wolf form. She reaches for the earth, and the water, let them flow into her and out, moving vines and rocks and hampering her pursuers. She reaches out for Air, weaving with difficult a shield to deflect the waves of ice and fire trying to grab her. She reaches into one of the shafts of fire... NO! She swims through the river, into the grassy plain, out of the Clan lands. The grassy plain wavers... and the wind brings the faint sounds of battle somewhere ahead. Tanny turns her attention to the wind, and stops after some time. Her first thought, which she brings and plants firmly in front of anything related to her encounter, is to the group she had been with. Stephen... Mynx. Pain comes with her attempt to mindspeak to any of them. She looks for the comforting touch of earth, pushing back any memory of rebel threads and energies she knew she couldn't manipulate. Through the earth, she sends a whisper. Stephen will hear. He will know. A feline scream is heard, and Tanny changes into her human form. "Mynx?!" There seems to be a shape approaching her, something that could be Mynx. And the sounds of battle ahead of her seem to get louder.

I'm still in, and I'll try to manage both The worst that can happen is being a bit slow to respond, or have somewhat shorter posts. And, if there's no problem, I might (not positive yet) create a temporary character for the second phase, as Tanny is involved in "Lost" and it will get confusing to have her here as well ~Tanny

Tanny shifts uncomfortably under Mynx's gaze, noticing how some people look at her and wait for some sign of hope. Getting hold of herself and controlling her natural impulse of fading into the background - which came always when she was the focus of attention - she bits her lip softly before finally nodding. "Alright... let's try it... the idea is that I'll try to tap more energy from the threads I can manipulate, and Mynx try to focus again on Gryphon... any energy that any of you can tap and send to me would also help... " ::Need help with earth-contact, Wolf-Lady?:: ::Stephen?!:: Tanny looks around, and smiles at seeing her friend striding towards her. "If I can be of any help, Wolf-Lady...." He bows, smiling also. "Any help is welcome, and I know we work nicely together." ::But with some unexpected results also...:: sends Tanny, with a suddenly wry smile that Stephens senses. ::Yeah, my thoughts also... we still don't know how that Portal back from Gaia was opened, right? Maybe we can get a hint this time...:: ::You have a twisted sense of humor sometimes, Ranger...:: Stephen snorts, their mindspeaking unnoticed to the others. Tanny quickly sorts out all people who want to help. Stephen sits down besides her, already linking to earth; Mynx sits on the other side, her scythe across her lap and Patham right behind her, ready to give support in case she needs it. Vlad, still handling Gryphon's portal stone, keeps nearby. Feeling Anna's energy, Tanny smiles and waves her to join the open circle. Some minutes later, Tanny once again touches the pure flow of earth energy deep below the Underground. Coaxing the threads to surface and weaving them in a net, she reaches for the few faintly familiar threads in the Wall. Gryphon's jewel feels warm against her flesh, and she can feel the solid wall that's Stephen's energy flowing into her. Unfamiliar threads of energy reach her, though she can't define where they come from - whether from the Wall or from some of the people around her. Mynx feels the steady flow of energy pouring into the tiara, and concentrates hard on contacting Gryphon again. Unnoticed to those concentrated on helping Tanny, the Wall brightens and the sparkles start to rapidly change colors, in a pulsing rhythm. Vlad blinks, seeing his portal stone acquire some pulsing sheen that it has never had. Patham gasps as Salinye's stone suddenly warms... Tanny feels the wild energies pick up speed and strength, and struggles to control it. She tries to ignore a throbbing pain in the back of her mind, but all of a sudden the energy contained in the Wall is pulsing through her channeling, disrupting all threads. She hears a distant scream - her own - before blacking out. There's a searing white flash of energy centered on the Wall, and then it quiets as suddenly as it had started to glow and pulse. Of the people who had been near... Tanny cringes and whimpers. ::Go 'way... stop hurting me... :: The insistent nudge in her mind slowly gets past the pain, and she recognizes Stephen's whisper. "Tanny, are you alright?" She moans, her attempt to move triggering another surge of pain. "If this is alright, I think I'd rather be dead..." "I know what you mean... believe me... " She tries to open her eyes, and closes them quickly as the light hurts her more. The quick glance gave her the impression of lying down on a grassy plain somewhere. "Where are we... and the others?" "And you ask me?" Stephen smiles wryly. "I can hear Mynx whimpering, and I think Patham. The others... " After some seconds trying to nudge her sluggish memory, Tanny whispers. "I felt something like nether energy... maybe Vlad... he's a lich, isn't he? And also quite the opposite... maybe Anna... but there was a lot of energy that got wild. No idea what happened... " To her surprise, she hears Stephen chuckling softly. "Wolf-Lady, it seems that every time we try to work a Portal, something strange happens... I just feel this is a strange land, and I know we aren't anywhere near we were some time ago. No idea either how long I, or you, have been out either." Sighing softly, Tanny gingerly feels for the energy in the earth below her, slowly nursing it.

Wow... Sweet, this last one is kind of creepy... very well done! One of my favorites, with the Beaver/Log one. Looking forward for your next tale!!

Tanny accepts Mynx's help to stand up and, in turn, offers her hand to Vlad. Mynx's summary of the situation serves also for the lich, who ponders about it. Hearing Patham's offer, Tanny nods. "That would be nice, Patham... and I think some of us already here have things that were made by Gryphon." She looks at the Wall, sighing softly. "Our link to him is unsteady, and I suspect it's due to the Wall's energies. We need to get past it, and I'm not sure at all how to." "Ummm...hi?" The growing group looks at Anna, and while someone - Tanny doesn't pay attention to who, as she's already back to probing the wall - explains the situation to her, Tanny slowly touches the wall. It feels firm and pliable, very like the threads of energy she had felt. A tingling sensation courses up her arms, not very pleasant, and she shudders. She pushes her hand against the Wall, feeling it immediately harden and give a mild shock. Still linked to earth, Tanny tries once more to find some familiar thread in there that she can manipulate. Failing in that, she murmurs to no one in particular, though she knows at least Mynx would listen to her. "Maybe we can pour more energy into the link with Gryphon... if he could tell us what happened, we might be able to find a way through."

Standing at her door, Tanny looked at the white wolf with unmistakable surprise, never having seen it around. Then, she saw the single wild flower at the wolf's feet and smiled. "It's beautiful..." she murmured, picking it gently. "And you... who are you?" She lowered to the wolf's level, holding its eyes with hers as she switches to wolf speech. "You're beautiful, and I have never seen you ar..." A sudden realization hit her as she touched the soft fur, the contacting revealing to her some twisted threads of energy around the wolf. "Nether threads!" Automatically throwing a steadying line to earth and weaving a quick shielding around her, Tanny hesitated. Having recognized nether energy, the same energy that swirled around Venefyxatu, she went quickly through her memory trying to identify who could be this particular wolf. "You're even more lovely then I imagined, Tanny." He wasn't surprised upon Tanny's reaction. When he was once a famed and feared warlord...Black had gotten that reaction from many and it would appear that he would never live it down. All in all, though, it didn't bother Black...he was rather proud of his past and wasn't about to deny it. "Black!" Her smile was open, and delighted. "I had no idea you could morph into a wolf! I was sincerely waiting for a Lord Vampire... " Black gave a grin as Tanny was somewhat cutt off and spoke with a soft yet proud voice. "You mean something along the lines of this?" A puff of mist took over the immediate area, as all visual was lost. And but a moment later, it was seen a rather tall individual. The Vampire Lord donned a long black cape created of a silk no longer attainable in this day and age. The cape covered most of his body...revealing only a blood red tunic upon his chest. The wind blew with a gentle gust and taking some of the mystery from what was held within, but not too much as the gust only lasted but a brief moment. "Greetings, M'lady." "It's a pleasure to see you, Black... I had hoped to know you better, and it seems I'll have plenty of chance to." She smiled again, unravelling her warding and channeling the energy into the single flower in her hand. "It's a beautiful flower, by the way... and I thank you." She tucked the flower in her hair, which happened to be bound in a low pony tail, kept over one shoulder. Her gray eyes smiled on their own, flickering with the light of late afternoon and matching the undefined color of her dress. "Well, you just said to be ready for a date this afternoon... I wasn't sure about the clothes, so if you think I'd better change just tell me. Or should I use some fur?" Black gave a smile and a bow. "I was thinking about stopping by a quaint little food stand I ran into some years ago. The place may not seem like much but looks can often be deceiving. I passed by on my way here and noticed that it was still open. You'll find I'm not much of a planner, but rather, I go where the wind takes me." Black paused as Tanny nodded. "Sometimes too much planning is bad. I'm organized myself, but I confess I enjoy surprises and unpredictability from time to time." "Later I was thinking we could venture to a certain location in the forest that I have been to a few times, but never with so lovely a lady. We could go in fur if ya like...whatever suits you is fine by me. But for now let us keep our current forms...shall we?" Black held out his hand in a very gentlemanly manner...his smile turning almost sly. Tanny blushed slightly at so much gentleness, and rested her hand on Black's arm as they walked out of the forest.

Tanny turns around at hearing Vincent's steps, and shimmers back to her human form. "Both Mynx and I got a message from Sweet and Gryphon... I suppose you got it, too?" As Vincent nods, she continues while holding Mynx's arm in a gesture to try to comfort and calm her down. "I know both of them were down here, reorganizing the guild rooms.... " "The Portal Room. We need to get there." Tanny shudders, never having good memories of portals after her quest for the AVV last Winter Carnival. But as Mynx tugs her, opening the door at the same time, she nods. The door opens into a familiar wide corridor, and the small group follows it in a half-run. Tanny glances at the open door to the Recruiter's Office, remembering Scarlot and wondering where she has gone. It had been long since anyone had heard from her. Vincent, who had been leading them, stops so suddenly that Tanny has trouble not bumping into him. The corridor they had been following would normally open into a hallway, from which other corridors lead to the other rooms of the AVV. They were now right in the entrance to this hallway - and there was nothing in front of them. The whole expanse of the hallway had faded into a shimmering wall of gate-energy that sparkled and occationally rippled as small lightnings crossed it. Vincent stares at the wall, while Mynx whimpers and mutters, touching her tiara. Tanny, after a minute or so to recover from her surprise, walks toward the wall stopping a few paces short of it. She throws a grounding line to earth, probing the energies that rush around the wall. What is this... so smooth but so... interwoven... And I think I know this... thread... "No!" Tanny steps back, and both Mynx and Vincent close by her - this last with his sword raised in a defensive stance. "Tanny! What is it?!" The near panic in Mynx's voice made Tanny control herself at once, and she apologized. "Sorry.... there's nothing wrong. I mean, nothing going to attack us or something... I just recognized one of the threads in that wall... " Blushing, she quickly summarizes her experience with opening a portal back from Gaia - an experience that had left her with burned fur and a big question on how she had been able to do it. "I just picked a faint memory from threads in that portal, and I guess I'm more traumatized by it than I though." With a rueful grin, she turns to Mynx. "But I think I picked also some faint trace of Gryphon's magic..." The feline turns sharply towards the wall, looking almost willing to throw herself head-in. Tanny grabs her arm, whispering, "Mynx, don't! Calm down, I know you can do better than this!" The depth of Tanny's gaze holds Mynx's eyes, and she gulps as some memories from a past adventure stir. Slowly, her breathing calms down and she seems to regain her usual cool composure. Nodding, Tanny lets go of her arm. "Now, I might have an idea... Mynx, you said your tiara gives you empathic and telepathic communication with Gryph. I know it's the item he made you during his Quill Quest, so it obviously has much of him in it. So does the Focus Jewel he gave me... and in this jewel, he has also woven his magic." "You are thinking of something..." "Yes. It's just an idea, though... don't know if it will have any result. It can even be dangerous. " "Go ahead." Mynx draw up to her full height, definitely over her previous near-hysterical condition now that she had a focus. "I can try to use earth energy channeled through the Focus Jewel to reinforce the energy I sense in your tiara. That might amplify its effect... you might sense Gryphon." She holds up a hand, stopping Mynx before she can anser. "Wait. It can also be dangerous. There are lots of energy in this sparkling wall. I sensed a faint trace of Gryphon's magic. That can help. But it can also lead to some unpredictable result..." In a few more minutes, Tanny sits down besides Mynx and nods to Vincent, who takes his position as guardian. The threads she tries to follow seem deceivingly pliable at first, and stubborn as expected when she starts weaving them in an adequate way. Even with the help of Gryphon's jewel, Tanny takes several moments until she gets the energy linked to the tiara. Mynx senses a slight change in the tiara, though she couldn't pinpoint it if asked. Then, slowly and faintly, she senses Gryphon. But the link wavers, and whatever she can get comes in brokenly.

Sitting in one of her favorite spots around the lake, Tanny looks intently at the small piece of wood in her hands. The little figure, shaped as a bird ready to fly, seems to shine with an inner light as she binds the threads of earth in the pattern she had carefully chosen. All of a sudden, a piercing pain in her head makes her gasp. As the threads she was binding unravel and lash back at her, adding to the sudden pain, coldness spreads from the jewel she keeps in her breast. “Urgent message to all pennites!!! *sshsshsh* stranded on an unknown plane *sshshss* Help us!! *sshsshsss* beware *sssshshsh* We- *ZAP* I can’t hold them off much longer, Sweetcherrie!! *shshssssss* The Alliance of Vagabonds and Vanguards needs your help! *sshssshssh* Almost done here, Gryphon! Aaaaarggg…..Trolls!!! I hate trolls, get us out of here!! *Shsshsshshsshshsh……*” Blinking tears away and trying to clear her mind, Tanny just sends an automatic reply through the unexpected mind-link. ::Sweet? Where are you? Sweet? Gryphon?!:: It takes her still some minutes before the pain subsides, and she has to spend another few to soothe and smooth the knotted earth threads that her losing of control had created. After checking them a last time, Tanny shimmers into her wolf form and darts to the keep. They were reorganizing the AVV... someone there should know where they went... She stops once at her rooms in the keep to get some essentials, and again darts into the corridors that will lead her to the AVV area. Silently, she tries to find some of the people she can mindspeak to while she turns one more corner. She'd been there some times, long ago - she had even applied once, but gods only know where her application had gone. Using her memory, she takes corridors and turns corners until finding the entrance to the Underground. There she stops. Well... what now? And who else has heard that call, anyway?

Honestly... I think I liked more the long sentence, at least in feeling (after I understood it ). It also gives a very nice view on why he sent the hitmen ("trying to free the town from what he considered the worse thing invented ever since fire"). Sorry for the mess...

Ohh... I think there's an extra comma at that sentence, then!! That was what mainly confused it for me! After the police it was probably Ian Davis(,) whom the drug dealers feared most in London, since he was known to send his hit men after them, trying to free the town from what he considered the worse thing invented ever since fire. I'm sooo easily confused ...

Within my mind words are born inspired by verses of skilled soul. Within my mind ideas fly eager to find a shape to form. Within my mind a smile appears - how easy it is to spark the Muse. Your poem has, overall, a nice rhythm and a refreshing simplicity - I really liked it. As for comments - I'm not good for technical feedback, as I'm unable to think/work with metrics and rhymes. But from what I feel while reading it, this is what I noticed: Love the rhythm, and the pause introduced by the period at the end of 3rd line. There's some trouble going from "it" at the end of the 3rd line to "That" in the beginning of next line. The way I read it, there's a break in the flow there. Maybe another period, forcing a longer break instead of having a half-linking, would help. The last line of the same stanza troubles me a bit - whether because of the "it-that' trouble I felt, I don't know. There's something there that breaks the flow. I would try, maybe, I do not miss it. That, I shall admit. Not sure if it really improves the rhythm... I guess it goes to how you pronounce 'shall' . The last line completely breaks the flow for me. I feel it's too long - like it has an extra syllable from the previously set rhythm. I feel that last line feels better if I read like... I felt different Change I 'derwent (Of course 'derwent isn't a possible change, it's just to explain why I feel it's a syllable too long ). I have trouble with the end of the poem because of the completely unexpected break in rhythm. I could suggest, maybe, breaking not only the rhyme/rhythm but also the visual of the last stanza. Something that, in a way, prepares for this end. Within my dreams Everything seems So nearly perfect... When shall my dreams come true? I still feel the last line is way too long, even for the intended break. But that can be just me . To clarify: though I read Sweet's comments, I made a point of writing mine more than half a day later to lessen any influence. For me, poetry is something very personal - for both sides, writer and reader. My comments here are from the reader's point of view (and my particular view, at that); feel free to completely disagree with me, or use whatever information you feel right. And, please, keep sharing your poems with us. ~Tanny

I like your story so far, and I'm pretty curious to know how it will end. I'm not really good to analyse story and plot, and I'll let it for others who can do it better than me. But, as for inconsistencies and typos... in chapter 11 there's a paragraph that I couldn't really understand. The way I see it, the phrase "After the police it was probably Ian Davis" has a missing complement... "whom the drug dealers feared most" tell me that Davis is feared; "since he was known to send his hit men after them" tells me why he is feared; "trying to free the town from..." tells me why he sends hit men after drug dealers. But ... what does the beginning of this whole sentence tries to tell? "It was problably Ian Davis" that did what? I think also that this same sentence is too long - even if it isn't missing something; it's too easy to lose track of the main idea. Maybe you want to work on that also, besides clarifying what Davis was/did . In chapter 12... ... I guess you meant "Your phone" in the beginning. Nice work so far, Patrick - thanks for sharing this . ~Tanny

*hugs* Congrats! It was well deserved!!

Sweet, your stories are great! I enjoyed reading them My only complaint is that, as you've been just editing the stories in (as you posted the placeholders weeks ago!), I didn't have any idea you were posting them at all... *hugs* ~Tanny

A wolf enters silently, startling the poet who is still musing over his application poem. She nudges him gently, raising herself to the height of Wyvern's table so she can read the poem. Madhatter steps away a bit, giving Tanny full view of his work. Tanny smiles while reading it, then turns to him and shimmers into her human form. Glad to see another poet applying! I see you want a bit of criticism... so, although I don't usually like doing it at the Recruiter's Officer, I liked the poem and its rhythm - so, here you go The first lines set nicely the downward movement. But although I can understand it, I caught myself asking what exactly was in that spiral; for the remaining of the poem you talk about the strength of smiling in spite of the guy losing his love, so it gets a bit confusing if you think about the title of the poem. Also, the last two lines jarred me in my first readig, and still make me pause... they are a bit clichéd (in my opinion), and I would have liked to see the poem ending in lines that expressed the same feeling in other words. They broke the flow that was so nicely set for the whole poem... Edit: But those were really the only points that made me stumble, and the first one isn't that important - just a small wondering . The whole poem has a good feeling and rhythm, and I did enjoy reading it. Just making it clear . Welcome to the Pen, and I hope you post more of your poems, madhatter. Blushing a bit for having talked so much about a poem in the Recruiter's Office, Tanny hides her embarrassment by changing back into wolf form soon after providing refreshment for the new applicant. She settles comfortably in plain view for anyone coming through the door, and weaves a simple warding around her - supposedly a scheming-lizard-proof one.