Yuki Kokoro

Echoes of forgotten dreams bounce and clatter in my mind tumbling through old memories shredding perceptions of time And though it seems just yesterday yet oh so many years ago that I was here last, writing here last What a long strange trip it's been Last line copywrite of Grateful Dead, but somehow it really seemed like it belonged there, so I borrowed it. Two new possible lines: "Just yesterday, a mere block from here" or "Colors burn behind closed eyes"

Yuki's smile fades as she hears the second prediction and wonders about the last. Does this mean she is destined to kiss someone at the kissing booth again, or did Xaious's future sight somehow slip into the past? And what about that second kiss....? Well if it's really a fortune whatever was supposed to happen would happen, she thought to herself as she wandered away. Stopping to wipe off her shoe in a patch of grass with a grimace she wandered off in the direction of the Dunk Tank. This should be interesting since she was apparently going to dunk Wyvern three times, but had horrible aim...

Curiosity piqued by the booth Yuki stops to see what will supposedly happen to her before the carnival ends. Placing 10 geld on the counter she clears her throat to attract the attention of the booth manager.

*bounces in blowing on a noise-maker and scattering confetti* Happy Birthday Arashi! Congratulations on being old and all adult-ish!

Happy Birthday Nyyark! Best wishes for a great day! (or that you had a great day, depending on where you are...)

Some of the stressed syllables in these are forced, but if they can be read as Iambic Pentameter is it still acceptable? Anyway, I felt like a challenge tonight so here are my two tries at a sonnet: I throw my towel in and throw up walls As life becomes too much for me some days, My trust and hope in those around me palls If just because I cannot open up To joy and love and all life’s mysteries. My fear of hurting others; being hurt, My nervousness at new things going wrong, Will cripple me for life unless I jump Headlong into the things that scared me once. Though means I risk my life and limb to throngs Of strangers pushing me all different ways, Continued happiness must mean new change. But how can one work past the fear life brings Having been hurt by many different things? ~~~~~~~ This one doubles as an answer to the challenge Finnius put forth in this thread and there you will find the other version before I finished smashing it into sonnet form and taking it even further from the original. Belief in love, belief in fate, belief That debts cannot be paid by anyone Surely not me, made blind by debt’s debris I stumble, and remorse makes my heart scream. Distraught I long for love's music now gone In search of better ears not drown in beats As mine hear everything, my heart and yours. I think and sigh for days they’d beat in time But though I once thought two would always twine Time now has torn them both apart and I Can only wish for days once Heaven-sent. It pains me so that our love could not be For though it seems that I was wrong for you You always felt so truly right for me. P.S. - Other people should give this a go! Stretch your poetic muscles!

I've been pondering Alaeha's challange of writing a sonnet but feeling no inspiration for a topic I decided to try to re-write this poem in sonnent form (because right now I seem to be a glutton for a challenge). You can find it in true sonnet form here, this is the first version and slightly less altered from the original if you can believe that. Belief in love, belief in fate, belief That debts cannot be paid by anyone Surely not me, made blind by debt’s debris I stumble, faltering as I hear screams. Longing instead for music heard, now gone In search of better ears not drown in beats As mine hear everything, my heart and yours. I think and sigh for days they’d beat in time But though I once thought two would always twine Time now has torn them both apart and I Can only wish in heart for happy days Once Heaven-sent, now muffled out by pain. It hurts me so that our love could not be For though I seem so wrong for you You felt so right for me. Constructive Criticism: My only real problem with the first version is how loosely it ties together. The first two stanzas seem like separate thoughts and only the final two really strengthen each other. This could be do to the poem not focusing on one thing solidly or it could be the fact that there is not enough elaboration for the reader to follow the logic shifts made by the speaker. I don’t really think I fixed that problem very well considering that the second half of my poem seems much more coherent than the first, but I hope it kind of makes sense. Looking back I think it might be helpful to try to tie in the believe in fate to the end of the relationship, the fact that the two were “not right” for each other could easily be made into a concept about fate and would help tie the beginning to the end.

I liked this; it was sweet and simple. The single lines helped the rhyme from seeming constricting and repetitive and made the poem fall into a good rhythm for me. I especially like the last line, it was a slight surprise and I finished the poem with a smile on my face.

"Irony, it would seem, is the joke that's heard after" I really like this line and it's one of the best descriptions of irony I've seen. I loved this section as well: "But something inside Curls up and dies When slowly their friends wash away. What can they do But be washed away too-- Where are the children to play?" You've expressed some deep thoughts very eloquently in many of these poems, I really enjoyed all of them but I think my other favorite would have to be: "So I may never worry How far you dare look past." I think they all flow well too, they're easy to read and pull you in, I especially like the loose rhyme scheme most of them use. Your poetry keeps getting better, I look forward to seeing more whenever you get the time.

More thoughts on the same topic: You and I broke up today I suppose the end was inevitable But still it hurt I cried for a while Then whimpered for a while Then sniffled for a while Then felt more calm I thought I was doing ok until I said it aloud That we were no longer together And the tears came back ~~~~~~~ My life is littered with memories of you I still have your letterman’s jacket You told me I could keep it no matter what happened That you didn’t want it back I have your pillow It sits among mine, the odd one out, but the one I sleep with most often I have two of your shirts And I sleep with them too, as nightshirts A picture of the two of us sits in my living room We smile and my arms are wrapped around your neck (possible only because you are sitting) I have all the emails we’ve exchanged Saved in a folder, never to be deleted I have the notes you’ve written me Sitting on a shelf between my poetry books The email I sent you on our one year anniversary is still in my writing folder And oddly enough I am in no hurry to get rid of these things, or forget them I want to remember Although one day I’m sure I’ll offer, Asking if you want your things back For now I’ll hold them And sleep with them And remember

This might be trash but I'm really not up to judging so I figured I'd just share it. I unashamedly admit that this is purging (though I have done some editing), rather than high art and this topic has been done to death. So feel free to critique, but please don’t rip them apart. Later I might post in the Writer's Workshop when I look at them again and decide whether to rework them or not. Explanation: First one is a purely emotional response, the second is a description in the hopes that the details will inspire emotion, something Wyvern has mentioned. Obviously I didn't take out all of the emotion, but whatever. My teeth chatter as the screen blurs through my tears More pain, tears and heart has gone into this than anything I’ve been through before …and now it’s over But the pain doesn’t stop The crying doesn’t stop The longing doesn’t stop So why did I even do it The reasons seem so worthless now Though I go through all this pain Youth is painful Youth heartbreak more so And right now I wish I could leave it Abandon it, deceive it Convince it I’m ok That I’ll be fine A hundred billion million have been through this before But I want to scream it out anyway Insist I hurt the most No one else loves this deeply this young No one else has been in love with the same frustrating horrible wonderful man I have I want pity, I want sympathy I want everyone to look at me And exclaim “how brave she is, To do this, to go through this” But all my thoughts will do is whimper And all my heart will do is cry ~~~~~~ You asked me to call today, Saying we needed to talk I didn’t want to have a serious talk Just like I haven’t been wanting to recently Knowing when it ends I am likely to be crying For one reason or another But I called You expressed disappointment that we wouldn’t be able to see each other this weekend I agreed And I really was sad I still love seeing you Just not as much as I used to You were hurt I hadn’t been calling you as much anymore You knew I’d been busy, and visiting family But even I know I could’ve looked harder and found the time You said that when only one person is trying, There isn’t much of a relationship I agreed Resisting the urge to remind you of all the times you’d promised to try And fell through You asked what was going on “Do you still want to be a couple?” And my heart cracked Because I didn’t know And I told you so ‘I still love doing things with you’ ‘When I'm sad I still want a hug from you' ‘But no longer a kiss’ ‘I still love talking to you’ ‘But I’m not as excited to tell you every little thing that happened during my day’ “That’s kind of what I figured” I could hear the sigh in your voice “Can I call you back?” And I said yes And for twenty minutes my heart broke Thinking of the wonderful times we’ve had And would never have again You called back And there was silence ‘I don’t know what to say’ Spoken with a broken voice, Coming from a broken heart “I don’t know what to do” You reply “I guess it’s a shame it didn’t happen earlier” “Have fun in college I suppose” “May you have a good life” ‘I hope to at least talk to you again’ “It’s really up to you” “But I don’t think I’ll ever call you” “This last month you haven’t even been much of a friend” Heart begins to shatter ‘I’m very sorry’ “You’re forgiven I guess?” Heart shatters further ‘I have the best wishes and hopes for you as well’ “See you around” ‘I hope s-’ “Goodbye” ‘Goodb-’ Click. And the pieces fall Cutting all the way down The next section, minus the last four lines was originally between "Click" and the final two lines. But I decided I liked the poem better without it so now it's just going to hang out until I decide what to do with it. … You promised me once You said we could still be friends And we'd still talk No matter what happened I promised I’d love you forever Even if we went our separate ways And I do You said the same Said you wouldn’t cut me completely out Now your bitterness and hurt kills me Because I know you’ll bottle it inside And I know it will kill you too And I’m no longer in a position to help That hurts perhaps worst of all

"Well this looks like it's going to be a lot of fun," Yuki thinks to herself as she explores the newly set up Carnival. Hearing voices and laughter she follows the sound around a corner to investigate and comes across the Kissing Booth. A half-smile appears as she digs into her belt-purse and drops a pile of coins onto the counter with a soft chorus of clinks. Salinye picks up the Geld as the young woman leans in and kisses Zool on the corner of the mouth. Then the elf begins to protest, "Excuse me miss, but it's-", before she is cut off by the customer leaning farther over the counter to give Ayshela a kiss on the cheek. Giving a smile to first the pleased and amused Zool, then the once again surprised Ayshela, Yuki calls out a thank you to both Kissing Booth "volunteers" as she goes off to see what else there is to do at the Carnival with a bounce in her step. Looking down at the 10 Geld in her hand Salinye shrugs and puts in in a jar, waving to the departing Yuki before noticing Ayshela who is facing her in a determined stance with her hands on her hips.

I really enjoyed this as well, I liked the simplicity and I found it added to the worn down atmosphere and honest emotions. The format made for an interesting read too, the lines broken into short phrases slowed down my reading which made the tone come through even more clearly. "Relief..." was read as a long sigh and the repeated "I/ Get/ Home/ Eventually" also had a relieved feel, like those final slow steps of a long journey. Those repeated four words also made for a visually appealing pattern in my eyes with the two block stanzas in the middle. This brief glimpse into a moment of calm created a peaceful mood that also made me take a moment to stop and breath. It was a refreshing piece, thank you for sharing it, and I hope your schedule eases off a bit soon.

Hey look, two poems at once! I like the contrast of these two poems even though the subject matter is the same. This is a more straightforward and serious look at the topic and it was especially interesting hear how the speaker's view on religion started, "i wanted to be open minded/ so i turned a blind eye to the bible". I think the fifth stanza is my favorite: "i kept the guilt, though/ slept with it under my pillow/ and took it with me everywhere/ it was my greatest friend"; recognizing this is a big step. Interesting that here guilt is mentioned, where in the other poem the speaker claims he wants only "Heaven and charity". Thanks for sharing both of these, it's good to see your writing again.

I like this quite a bit, and good job with the extended cheeseburger metaphor. The speakers feelings and situation come across clearly and just by his replies you can tell the person he's talking to is patiently explaining things. It's always interesting to see people examine parts of themselves and the poetry that comes out of it is often wonderful and meaningful. I like the way you dealt with these thoughts, both the clarity of emotion and how clearly and creatively you got the situation across. Nice job Falcon.