Snypiuer

I get a newsletter about getting published and, every now and then, leads are given, this last one has a Fellowship grant listed. Not sure if I should list the job leads, but figure the Fellowship is O.K. If anyone wants the job ones, let me know and I'll pass them on (not sure how long they'll be valid): Fellowship for the Dorothy and Lewis B. Cullman Center for Scholars and Writers - "The Cullman Center’s Selection Committee awards fifteen Fellowships a year to outstanding scholars and writers—academics, independent scholars, journalists, creative writers (novelists, playwrights, poets), translators, and visual artists." If that describes you and you'd like $85,000 and full access to this New York Library's resources, submit your application here before September 27th at 5pm ET.

Snypiuers' Niece: Hi. As you know, my dearly beloved uncle made an unwise decision to eat a filet-o-fish sandwich that had been sitting on the table for 6 and a half hours, what you haven't been informed of is, the very next day, he made the equally unwise decision to eat a dozen shrimp left on the table for an unknown length of time but, to be honest, they were room temperature at best. Due to his ill-advised culinary decisions, there was a brief, but violent reaction. So, it is with a sad and heavy heart that I regret to announce that my beloved uncle Snypiuer has . . . Snypiuer: Hey, what'chya doing? Niece: Go away. Snypiuer: That a GoFundMe? What'chya making a GoFundMe for? Niece: Go. A. Way. Snypiuer: Let me see! *reads* HEY! What do you mean "unwise" and "ill-advised"!? YOU gave me them! And I feel great, I got the digestive tract of a vulture! Wait . . . is this a GoFundMe for my FUNERAL cost!? Are you trying to scam people by claiming I'm dead!? Niece: ARGHHH! You ruin EVERYTHING! *stomps away* Snypiuer: You can't kill me! Not the Kid! I AM IRONMAN BABY! Niece: *in another room* Mom! Take me to go find another fish sandwich! Snypiuer: You come for the King, you better . . . wait . . . what do you mean "find"? *follows niece* WHAT DO YOU MEAN "FIND"!?

O.K., one of my favorite books is Villains by Necessity written by Eve Forward (READ THIS BOOK - you can get a paperback online for, about, $40 or so, free if you have kindle - I think), or you can go here: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/71705/villains-by-necessity-redux which is her Royal Road site and she's rewriting it (slowly) and you can get a small taste of it. ANYWAYS . . . What would YOU do if you were one of the last evil beings in a realm where Good has won and sealed off the source of all evil - no more Evil gods, demons or corruption. Nothing but GOOD. All "bad" people have been given amnesty if they change their ways, "monsters" and evil creatures have all been hunted down and all "evil" kingdoms overthrown. Then there's you. Are you an Evil god or demon that hasn't been found yet? An assassin? Thief? Monster? Or just like kicking puppies? What is YOUR story in this situation?

Snypiuer is about to eat a Filet-o-Fish sandwich that has been sitting on the table for the past six and a half hours (hopefully the microwaving helped). If you never hear from him again: TELL HIS STORY!!!🤪

I found this in Nature and figured I'd share it: CAREER FEATURE 13 June 2024 Twelve scientist-endorsed tips to get over writer’s block How do you get your creative juices flowing after spending hours, days or months looking at a blank screen? Researchers share their advice. By Emily Sohn Twitter Facebook Email Find a new job Credit: Getty Paul Silvia was trying to write his first book — about the psychology of motivation — in 2003. He had a publishing contract and a deadline that he had missed, and although he was churning out shorter articles, grant proposals and research papers, he was not making any progress on his book. At one point, he went nine months without “even doing the smallest thing on it”. He could not motivate himself to work on a book about motivation: “The irony of that was totally apparent to me at the time,” he says. Silvia, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina Greensboro, was dealing with writer’s block — the experience of getting stuck on a writing project. He started researching the habits of professional authors and asking colleagues about their writing strategies. Their insights helped him to finish his book, called Exploring the Psychology of Interest, which he published in 2006. He later published two more about writing in academia: How to Write a Lot: A Practical Guide to Productive Academic Writing (2007) and Write It Up: Practical Strategies for Writing and Publishing Journal Articles (2014). One major lesson: there will never be a perfect time to write. “That was the first switch to really flip,” he says. Although writer’s block is common, it can come as a surprise to scientists, says César Soto Valero, a computer scientist at the KTH Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm. He has seen many graduate students go days without getting any words on the page, and a few give up on academia as a result of their frustrations. Careers Collection: Publishing “Some people choose to do science because they want to do experiments, because they want to write code, because they want to try new things,” Soto Valero says. “Then, after they realize that the research is mostly about writing research papers, they struggle a lot because they find out that writing a research paper is very hard.” Soto Valero, Silvia and other scientists shared their advice on how to conquer the block and put pen to paper. Know thy enemy Writer’s block has a few main causes, Silvia says, and having the self-awareness to recognize which one is affecting you is important. One is a tendency to confuse worrying with doing. “If you’re thinking about something a lot,” he says, “that doesn’t really mean you’re working on it.” There is also the misconception that you need to clear your entire to-do list and carve out big blocks of time to get any writing done — a mindset that can become a form of procrastination, because it provides an excuse not to start. Silvia cites a prime example: stymied by lack of progress, an academic goes on a week-long retreat in a cosy rural cabin where they can focus solely on writing. But this can lead to disappointment when they end up wasting a lot of time in the local coffee shop instead of focusing on the task at hand. “The stakes are really high,” he says, “and if the first day goes wrong, you get really depressed.” Create routines Silvia recommends that researchers treat writing as if it’s a class that they have to teach: block out time for it on your calendar, and stick to the schedule. To get over his own writer’s block, Silvia designated 8 a.m. to 10 a.m. every weekday as writing time. He even chose a room at home for writing, so he had a dedicated workspace. Building consistency took a lot of pressure off. If the two hours went badly, he knew he would have another chance to write more the next day, and he was less likely to be discouraged or feel as if he had wasted a large chunk of time. Once he started making progress, he was able to write more. “Productivity builds on momentum,” he says. “It’s self-reinforcing to see something move along.” Clarify the message Andrea Armani, a chemical engineer at the University of Southern California in Los Angeles, often sees students struggle when they sit down to write a paper, because they don’t know what they’re trying to say. She recommends that they ask themselves a few main questions: “What is the hypothesis statement? What is the point of my paper? What am I trying to prove?” Training: Writing a research paper Armani advises students to use their answers to develop a vision statement that articulates “the key discovery or accomplishment in a single sentence”, according to a 2020 article in which she outlines ten simple steps to writing a scientific paper. Keeping the main message in mind can get you past the feeling of being stuck, says Lynn Von Hagen, a conservation biologist at the Denver Zoo in Colorado. While writing a paper about human–elephant conflicts, published last year, she recognized that the most important point was that scientists need to engage communities when trying to understand complex conservation problems. She was then able to build each section around that idea. “A lot of times, scientific writing can be very rigorous,” Von Hagen says. “But one of the things you have to remember is that you’re still telling a story to the reader.” Plan first Inexperienced writers often jump right into new projects, says Silvia — leading them to forgo planning, scribble out the most obvious material right away and get stuck quickly. Developing a clear outline of a paper, chapter or book can help you to avoid that fate. There are many ways to create an outline, ranging from old-fashioned index cards or Post-it notes to software solutions. Armani’s strategy begins with storyboarding figures, graphs, data sets and results on digital slides. She uses presentation programs — such as PowerPoint, Prezi or Keynote — that make it easy to move slides around. Soto Valero plans out each paragraph by writing series of questions in his document. In a 2021 blog post about how he overcame writer’s block when working on research papers, Soto Valero gave an example of questions that guided his introduction for a study, published that year. The paper examined software bloat, a problem in which successive versions of computer programs become slower or use more memory. “What is software bloat? Why it is an issue?” he wrote, adding a written reminder to create a paragraph answering these questions. Next came: “What is the state-of-the-art of research on software bloat? What is missing?” Writer’s block often results from paying attention to the end goal but not the steps required to get there, Armani says. Breaking the process down, she tells her students, mirrors what they do when they’re conducting research. “All of my PhD students have really well-developed and well-honed skills on experimental design and how to break up an experimental challenge into biteable chunks,” she says. “But then once they get near end of a project, and they’re like, ‘OK, so now I need to write this up and have a paper,’ it’s like they’re walking into a murky forest without a flashlight.” Eliminate the blank page Soto Valero started writing papers as a university student in Cuba, with the goal of earning a PhD abroad. Because English wasn’t his first language, writing in it was laborious. “It took hours to write every single sentence,” he says. Because it is always easier to revise text than to write from scratch, he tapped into a template-based strategy to boost his speed and confidence. Using Google Scholar, a free academic search engine that indexes research papers, Soto Valero found examples of well-presented studies that he thought were explained clearly. He would create a similar structure, then iteratively paraphrase and reword the content, focusing on the insights and implications derived from his own data. He writes in English directly, but some of his colleagues use Google Translate to convert their Spanish into English. Some universities also hire proofreaders who check those translations. For Von Hagen, the first step when it’s time to write is to get something, anything, down on the page, even if it is a disorganized stream of consciousness that lacks structure or even punctuation. Even just creating a rough list of ideas gives her a starting point that she doesn’t want to walk away from. “If you get it on paper, and you have something to work with, then you can just edit and revise, edit and revise,” she says. “If there’s nothing there, it’s one thing, but if there’s something there, then it’s like, ‘OK, now my juices are flowing, the writer’s block is at least gone, and then I can make something out of it from there.’” Visualize Using mental strategies can help, Soto Valero says. Before diving into each section of a paper, he likes to imagine that the writing is done, which makes the blank page seem less empty. “After seeing something done, at least mentally, it seems easier to achieve,” he wrote. Strategizing about how to tackle the components of the paper reminds him of planning moves in a chess game: “Imagine the next paragraph is done, make your move, and then write it!” Write out of order It might seem logical to first write the title, abstract and introduction, but this can lead to blocks and rewrites later, Armani says. “You don’t know what your results section is going to look like,” she says. If you start at the beginning, “you’re trying to introduce something that you haven’t written yet”. After constructing a vision statement and making slides, Armani suggests writing the methods section first. You know what you did in the research, she says. “You can almost just dictate that and then clean up the text.” Next, she drafts the results section, followed by the discussion and conclusion, which generally summarize what she has already written. Finally, she writes the introduction and abstract and finishes with the title. Starting with the easiest part prevents blinking-cursor syndrome — staring at a page decorated only by a blinking cursor, because you cannot start writing — says immunologist Daniela Weiskopf at the La Jolla Institute for Immunology in San Diego, California. “I want to start with something that I know I can do very well, like writing materials and methods,” says Weiskopf. “Then, you have one thing on your document” — and the thought of having to fill the page becomes less overwhelming. Give yourself extra time Because writing is hard work, it can help to build in a buffer, in case you need more time to meet a deadline than you’d originally planned. Armani advises her students to start writing when they’re about 75% of the way through the research. While doing her own work, Weiskopf makes notes of points that she might want to include in her paper. For Soto Valero, having extra time allows him to take a day or two to do nothing related to the project, which can fuel enough guilt to motivate him to sit down and write. “It seems stupid, but it really, really works,” he says. “You need to go through the pain of writing. You cannot avoid it.” Embrace collaboration Getting feedback on a draft can help you to overcome writer’s block, Von Hagen says, especially if the collaborator is a mentor or peer with more experience of the publishing process. Constructive criticism is part of the learning process. “There have been times where I’ve felt like, ‘I’m just not sure where to go with it. I’m not sure it’s encapsulating what I’m really trying to get across,’” she says. “Having someone else look at the work can help you get past the block.” Take the pressure off Sometimes, writer’s block emerges from putting too much pressure on yourself to be eloquent or perfect on the first try. Armani recommends keeping your goal in mind: you aren’t trying to win a Pulitzer prize, but to provide clear and concise scientific communication. “It’s not the time for compound complex sentences with introductory clauses, because you’re going to lose your audience. I tell my students: it’s a time to have a subject, a verb, maybe a direct object. But if you start having lots of dependent and independent clauses, nobody’s going to understand what you’re trying to say.” It might get easier, but don’t expect it to get easy Once you have a draft, Soto Valero says, you’ll have to do a lot of work over many iterations. “I have [spent] months writing papers,” he says. “It doesn’t come in one day or two.” After writing more than 200 papers, Armani has improved her ability to get organized and start writing. But every paper has its challenges. “It’s still just as hard because you want to make sure that your intention is coming across in what the words are actually saying on the page,” she says. “You can’t rush that process.” Know you’re not alone Weiskopf tells students and postdocs that most people are “masters in practice” rather than born experts, and that writer’s block is not a unique experience. “It’s not just them who don’t know how to get over this,” she says. “It’s important to share your struggles because nobody wakes up and is a master in writing papers.” Creating a small writing group can help you to build momentum and remember that you’re not alone, Silvia adds. He recommends holding a weekly check-in meeting with your group to discuss how work is going and share goals for the coming week. “Misery really does love company, and everyone struggles with their writing,” he says. “I have met so few people who think this is just natural and effortless.”

. . . wow.😲

Forg(et) all you have ever known and embrace the sheep! Dismiss the count and slumbers' creep. Run! Run! Lest ye sleep! Close not thine eyes as darkness seeps. (Ig)snore the consequences and embrace the sheep! Feel the wool so soft and deep. Cuddle! Cuddle! Hear them bleat! Warm and fluffy creatures meek. (F)hear not the whispers and embrace the sheep! Reject the norm and difference seek. Quiet! Quiet! Your secrets keep! Turn away as watchers peek. (L)heave behind all you will ever know. Embrace the sheep! Next Line: I left it there

NEVER MIND!!! I got it and will be introducing something shortly!!!

I've been trying for a while now, does ANYBODY know how I can post an image that is also a link you can click on? I've been able to make them several different ways, but when I post them here, they either don't work or the image doesn't appear. I could just post an image with a link AFTER it, but I have an idea for the site and clickable image links are the hook. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!

Grabs popcorn and a soda . . .

Well-reasoned, IF Glups could shed excess mass as smaller Glups. I'd have to call that a mutation because Glups grow until their size simply becomes too big to hold together structurally or they, eventually, dry up from lack of absorbing new goo. To be able to excise a portion of itself, a Glup would need to be able to create a pseudo pod or appendage that it then severs. Glups can NOT create pseudo pods or appendages. Even if it could, cutting a piece of itself off, the Glup would lose structural integrity and fall apart. The addition of a new gas or liquid could grant the ability to do so, but that would also fall under the no mutations caveat. The closest I could get involves accidently sliding into a small depression and getting stuck. Not even a big or deep depression in the ground - just enough so a Glup is unable to wiggle hard enough to get out of it. Glups would call it "The Hole". I have no idea how to make that an epic adventure though. I then realize that I'm thinking like a being with arms that can hold a weapon or manipulate objects and legs that can move me from place to place and up, down or around things in my way. A voice that allows me to communicate beyond base emotion or simple expression. Not to mention the lack of knowledge as to what will ACTUALLY happen after my demise. *By the way, the reason Glups have a low-level emphatic connection isn't totally because they share the same goo, it's because the goo, itself, retains the essence and memories of ALL previous forms it took. So, while the community of Glups are only a "not quite" hive mind, each individual Glup, basically IS a hive mind of all its' past selves and each of those past selves are spread out amongst all other Glups that absorbed that goo. So Glups don't actually die, even when they dry up, once their powder is absorbed, they rehydrate and, boom, they're right as rain. Glups are pretty much immortal when you think about it.* So there's the dilemma: NOT what is an epic adventure to ME, what is an epic adventure to a GLUP!? I try to get in the mindset by sitting on my hands, cross legged in the middle of the floor. When my niece comes in and asks what I'm doing, I whisper until she gets close enough to hear, then I wiggle and whisper one-word thoughts like, "bored" or "hungry". By the way, should I be concerned that NO ONE in my family is troubled in the slightest at my behavior? Not one of them has said, "You know what, we ought to have him evaluated." They used to. When I was younger. Now, not so much as a "what have you".😕

Or like the old Spaghetti Westerns where the cowboy is CLEARY inhaling and exhaling cigarette smoke and NOT making a deadly threat, THEN you hear him inhale/exhale while his lips move. I think you would do it like Peredhil's example, but you'd have to do it line by line - the original line that the author WANTS the reader to "see" and then, underneath it in brackets, what the reader ACTUALLY "sees".

O.K., I simply don't know how to write this story. Here's the parameters: Naggal is a Glup, from the planet Glup. Glups are, basically, gelatinous cubes with no pseudo pods/appendages (they can't change shape in any way) or acidic digestion. Glup was once a lush garden planet, but it has been millions of years since the cubes (Glups) have, LITERALLY, sanitized the planet - there is NO other life but the cubes. It has been so long since a Glup has had to digest any type of organic matter, the ability to produce acid has been lost for hundreds of thousands of generations. Glups move by jiggling themselves and, slowly, seeing where they go - it's kind of like those old metal football games where you placed plastic players on it, and it vibrates and the players randomly move about the board. Glups are just a LOT slower. Because of this, about 90% of all Glups never wander beyond eyesight (Our eyesight of course, since they don't, you know, have eyes) of where they are created. A Glup will grow until it can no longer hold itself together, at which point it will fall apart, leaving behind goo and small Glups. In order to grow, Glups are able to absorb the goo and, if they move over the smaller Glups, they can mush them into goo and absorb that. If a Glup doesn't grow big enough to fall apart, it will eventually dry up and crumble into a powder that other Glups absorb when it lands on them (when wind blows it about) or they move over it. Because of this, Glups are all, basically, made of the same goo that they have been sharing for countless generations and, therefore have a low-level emphatic connection where they can tell the "emotional" state of nearby Glups - sort of a, not quite, hive-mind. This connection, along with wiggling allows for them to communicate with each other. With all this, Glups don't really even think about dying, they know they will just become part of another Glup and live on. Now, here's my dilemma: Without introducing outside factors such as aliens, demons, mutations, magic, etc. (just regular Glups on planet Glup), write an epic adventure with a heroic Glup named Naggal.

Do you have a link for where you're also posting this?

He does have a dark fantasy trilogy and a crime thriller. The trilogy looks interesting, when I can afford it Imma get it!

*Snypiuer does his writers' energy dance (Yes . . . yes . . . it requires him to be nekkid - sorry)* Hooga hooga HA! HA! Hooga hooga HO! HO! Waga waga WEE! Waga waga WEE! Ooga ooga OOO!!! Hold on, that's some POWERFUL juju coming your way.

I'm not a real big fan of horror, but I've read the descriptions and snippets of some of this authors' work and think a real horror fan would enjoy his books. This is his site: Horror Author David Viergutz He's trying to become a full-time writer, the dream, so give him a look and, if you like his work, recommend him to others.

Snypiuer sees his niece headed from her room to the bathroom. Snypiuer is not wearing his glasses, so he just sees a fuzzy figure . . . with an orange face!? He puts his glasses on and gives out an uncontrollable gasp. Snypiuers' niece is in a makeup faze and follows makeup tutorials . . . yeah. Snypiuer: *GASP!!!* Niece: *Stops and stares at Snypiuer* Snypiuer and niece stare at each other for an uncomfortable moment . . . then, Snypiuer: *Starts to sing* Oompa loompa doompa dee do I've got another puzzle for you Oompa loompa doompa da dee If you are wise you'll listen to me Who do you blame when your kid messes up Covering her face with a bunch of makeup How can you make . . . her understand She looks like she's trying to kill . . . Bat . . . Man You look like a cartoon villain Niece: MOM! *Stomps away* Snypiuer hears his sister in the distance: WHAT THE!? HA! HAHA!! Snypiuer hears the stomping return as his niece enters the bathroom and slams the door. Snypiuer: HEY! Mr. Wonka called, he says you need to get to work because there's so much time and so little to do! No! Wait! Strike that! Reverse it! Niece: *From behind door* YOU'RE NOT FUNNY!!! Snypiuer: YES! YES I AM! AND SO'S YOUR FACE! Snypiuer LOVES his niece! She's his BESTEST BUDDY EVER!

Vibs is actively seeking counseling and Snypiuers' luck is running. And I mean RUN-NING. Once I figure out where to start . . . well . . . we'll see.🥴😵🤯

Please log off at the end of your shift And, your monitor, fully power it down The glow of the screen And electrical hum Makes a hostile workplace, We have found. The demon that lives in your cubicle . . . Of which you were unaware Makes constant HR complaints, And threats of lawsuits, So its presence We now share. No need for concern that it lives there Or to know the reason why Just be mindful that when you leave Be sure to log off, fully power down And if you see the demon DON'T look it in the eye. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NEXT LINE: Gently, gently as the shadows grow

Are you thinking of publishing it?

Snypiuer has been busy. How, pray tell - you ask. Well, Snypiuer had accumulated over 4,000 unread emails. So - you respond. Snypiuer also has OCD. Guess what Snypiuer HAS to do with unread emails. Delete them - you ask. No. READ them, ALL - you ask, incredulously. Each and every one. WHY - you ask in disbelief. Because, what if there is something IMPORTANT in one? You stare at Snypiuer. Snypiuer stares back until it becomes uncomfortable, then asks: You know how you lock a door and then you check it to make sure it really IS locked, then you recheck it to make sure you didn't accidently UNLOCK it when you checked to make sure it really IS locked, then you check it AGAIN, just in case you accidently unlocked it when you checked to see if you accidently unlocked it when you checked to make sure it really IS locked, THEN you unlock it and relock it to make sure that the lock actually still works, then you check it to make sure it really IS locked . . . You see where Snypiuer is going with this? Now . . . What if there was something IMPORTANT in one of those emails!?

SOUP

Snypiuer. Is. ALIVE!!! Yes . . . yes, I know, yes . . . no, no, celebratory human sacrifices, while warranted, are not necessary, calm down . . . yes . . . yes, you're right, it IS more than a miracle . . . yes, beyond any and all explanation . . . precisely . . . transcends medical, scientific, theological, metaphysical, philosophical and theoretical knowledge and thought . . . true, true, Snypiuers ability, by sheer will alone, to survive an illness that the most omnipotent of Gods would have swiftly perished from, WILL be discussed and venerated by beings, natural and artificial, for countless eons to come . . . O.K., if you must, go ahead and contact everyone you know to inform them of the joyous news . . . I'll wait. INTERLUDE: No idea how to upload music to listen to while we wait, so imagine, if you will, Chuck Mangione performing elevator-type, soft, laid-backed smooth jazz versions of: Blister in the Sun by Violent Femmes Lexicon Devil by The Germs Du Hast by Rammstein Mexican Radio by Wall of Voodoo Belly of the Whale by Burning Sensations Paranoid by Black Sabbath O.K., we're back. Yes, Snypiuer is alive, and it is a glorious day, but that's not what we're here for. No, but before we get to what we are here for, thanks for the soup and ice cream! Now . . . how to say this as . . . tactfully, as possible . . . hmmm . . . it has come to Snypiuers' attention that individuals in his . . . IMMEDIATE vicinity . . . well . . . shall we say . . . they did not . . . FULLY appreciate the very, VERY dire state which he found himself in. No. No, they did not. Was hot soup lovingly spoon fed to him in his weakened state? Was soothing ice cream? No. Not a spoonful, not a scoop. What did happen? Well, I'll give you one example and leave it at that. This interaction took place between Snypiuer, his niece and her mom (Snypiuers' little sister): Niece: *Looking at Snypiuer face down on the floor* How long have you been there? Snypiuer: Oh . . . a while. Niece: Why? Snypiuer: Need soup. And ice cream. This is as far as I got. Niece: Why are you on the floor? Snypiuer: I'm dying. Niece: No, you're not. Snypiuer: Uh-huh. Niece: Nope. Snypiuer: You're not a doctor. You don't know. Niece: You're NOT dying. Snypiuer: My heads all achy. Niece: *Stares at Snypiuer* Snypiuer: And my throat's all scratchy. *cough* Niece: *Continues staring* Snypiuer: My nose and chest are all snuffly. Niece: *Stares* Snypiuer: My tum-tum is all bubbly. Niece: *Stares* Snypiuer: *Looks back at her* Niece: That all? Snypiuer: No. Niece: Well? Snypiuer: My left butt cheek itches. Niece: So? Snypiuer: I'm too weak to scratch it. Niece: *Glares at Snypiuer* Snypiuer: *Looks at her with wide, pleading eyes* Niece: *Tilts head and gives him a "Don't say it!" look* Snypiuer: *Looks back with wider, more pleading eyes and trembling lower lip* Niece: *Tilts head more, glares harder and gives and even firmer "DON'T SAY IT!" look* Snypiuer: Scratch my butt. Niece: ARGHHH!!! *Walks away in disgust/exasperation* Snypiuer: *Contemplates the floor, then . . . weakly* Soup. INTERLUDE: O.K., I can hear all of you, "HOW DID YOU GET ON THE FLOOR!?" That has no bearing, what-so-ever, on this narrative. Was it funny? Yes. Hilarious in fact. Would you have laughed? Ohhh-yeah, you would DEFINITELY have laughed . . . uncontrollably . . . for, like, a LONG time. In fact, had it happened to . . . ANYONE else, let's say a 108-year-old, frail, blind woman with brittle bone disease, would Snypiuer have laughed? Yes. Yes, he would have. It was THAT funny. He would have laughed so hard, he would have wet himself, then fall to the ground in convulsions of hysterical laughter, crawled over to the old lady to, not only, laugh in her face, but to explain in excruciatingly minute detail, EXACTLY how she fell and why it was so funny. Because, you know . . . blind. It was that funny. BUT it has nothing to do with this story AND it did happen to Snypiuer, so we shall all feel bad and say, "awww" and give each other comforting hugs. Niece: *Returns with skateboard, holds by the wheels at one end and uses the other end to scratch Snypiuer* Snypiuer: More towards the hip, thank you. Sister: *Walks in* Is he alive? Niece: Yes. Sister: Why is he on the floor. Niece: He needs soup. Snypiuer: And ice cream. Niece: This is as far as he got. Sister: Why is he ON the floor!? Niece: He's dying. Sister: Oh . . . What are you doing? Niece: Scratching his butt. Sister: Why? Niece: He's too weak to do it himself. Sister: But WHY!? Niece: So that he leaves me his stuff when he dies. *Stops scratching* I do get your stuff, right? Snypiuer: All my stuffs are belongs to you. Niece: You heard him, all mine *goes to put skateboard away* Sister: He doesn't have anything. Niece: *From other room* He has SOME stuff. Sister: What he does have, we're tossing in the hole with him. Niece: *Comes back* He said it's all mine, I'll keep what I want, and you can toss the rest. Sister: Whatever, you ready? Niece: Yeah. Sister: Hey, if you make it to the kitchen, make enough soup for us, we'll be back later. Niece: Bye, love you! Snypiuer: *Listens as they leave, then . . . weakly* . . . soup. We're just going to leave it there and move on.

Snypiuer no feel good . . . most likely dying . . . yes, most definitely going to die . . . soon . . . need soup. and ice cream.