Snypiuer

Don't have anything myself, but give a listen to Colin Hay's "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin". It might inspire you.

A disheveled individual shambles in, "Is this the Lurkers Anonymuse meeting?" Looking around, he sees Wyvern. Pulling out a small piece of paper, he heads towards him thinking, "He must be the guy who validates my parking."

Dear Pen Diary: Been a while since last update. Things were looking great, reality dust bunnies were no where to be found. Little did I know, they merely lay in wait. Their trap was diabolical in its' simplicity. After such a sustained run of bad luck and set backs, I was given a glimmer of hope for a reversal of fortune. I was given news that I was showing physical improvement and it would be recommended that I could once again resume working. I was foolish for falling for it. The very day I received this good news, I fell ill. Believing it to be nothing more then a VERY bad stomach virus, I ignored it and set about putting my life back in order. Reality dust bunnies are mean, vile little creatures. About a week later, found myself in emergency room - extremely dehydrated, white blood count over 34 (told normal is about from severe infection and a gangrenous gall bladder. The reality dust bunnies had attacked with extreme prejudice, violently beating me to a bloody pulp and (once again) leaving me for dead. I HATE reality dust bunnies. All that said, I survived. My other medical problem (Muscular Dystrophy) is prolonging my recovery and the loss of muscle mass, from such a long recovery, will take a while for me to regain (some I can't, due to MD). So, THAT means: Will have to go through entire process of getting re-evaluated after recovering - which MAY take some time (the process itself, since it's all done through charities). Just hope I can gain back enough strength. Hence, no work for a while longer. Have I mentioned that I HATE reality dust bunnies? Oh well, they took their shot and FAILED! So, 'till their next attempt, they can BITE ME!

If you have gall stones, your gall bladder can: 1. Become infected. 2. Swell to over three times its normal size. 3. Gangrene can set in. 4. Die, your gall bladder can die. All this leads to excruciating pain. If ALL this happens and you IGNORE it for over a week (like one IDIOT, who shall remain nameless), you ALSO can die. OR, at the very least, WISH you did. Having Muscular Dystrophy will prolong recovery and no insurance or employment just makes EVERYTHING so much more interesting. DO NOT ask how I know this, just accept it as fact!

Snypiuer is NOT a critic or good movie reviewer. But, he knows what he likes when he sees it. That being said: Lucky to get to see advanced showing of Iron Man. Being a biased Marvel fanboy aside, liked it. Kind of slow towards end, but did advance story line. Robert Downey Jr. made a good Tony Stark and the story, itself, stayed relatively true to the Marvel mythos (aside from the whole 'origin' which was changed to be more contemporary). Jon Favreau was an EXCELLENT choice to direct. All in all, a very good movie. Would not surprise me if it becomes Marvels highest grossing.

Static fills the screen: V1: Did you feed it? V2: Yeah. But, I think we shouldn't anymore. V1: Boss said feed it. V2: Yeah, but have you seen how FAT it is now? V1: You're one to tal. . . HOLY JEE!!! V3: meow? V1: How does it move?! V2: Well, it leans to one side and pushes, then leans to the other side, you get the picture. V3: meow? V2: At least we don't have to worry about hairballs anymore. V1: What? V2: Too fat to lick itself. V1: Oh. V3: meow? V2: Kind of looks like that kid that ate that gum, last time the boss gave a tour of the factory. V1: How many times do you have to be told, 'DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE FACTORY'?!? V3: meow? V2: I just. . . V1: DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE FACTORY! V3: meow? V2: O.K.! V3: meow? V2: You sure this is 'THE' one? V1: Boss says it is. V2: Really? Think the lizard knows? V3: meow? V1: Wouldn't be surprised if he was behind it. Always, "What would I do without her? What if she leaves?" V3: meow? V2: I can just see him plastered and crying into a chalice of Ol' Peculiar! V1: Yeah! By the way, he send over the new transcript? V3: meow? V2: Yeah, still playing the 'Plausible Deniability' angle. Says that's why he can't pay us. V3: meow? V1: EXCUSE ME!? V2: Boss says he's got it covered. V1: Oh. Well, that's O.K. WHOW! Time to start! Turn it on. V2: O.K. V3: meow? V1: GET THAT OUT OF HERE! Two rather large squirrels appear on screen. The fatter one seems to be kicking something off screen. V3: MEEOOWWW! S1: Hello everyone! S2: Hi! S1: Due to injuries and what I must say is out right fear. . . S2: FEAR! S1 looks at S2, S2 gives a "What!?" look at S1. S1: Injuries and fear has limited The Grim Squeaker Punt, Pass and Kick Games™ to only a few contestants. S2: That's right. But, word is Snypiuer has recovered from his injuries and will make another attempt. S1: We eagerly await his next appearance and hope his success will encourage others to overcome their fear. . . S2: FEAR!! Once again, S1 looks at S2 and S2 gives a "What!?" look at S1. S1: OVERCOME their fear and make their own attempt. S2: Yeah. Get out their and show that rat what's what! S1 shoves S2 off camera. S2: HEYYY!!! S1: What he means is, The Grim Squeaker (as a WILLING participant) looks foreward to as many contestants joining in the fun as possible. V2: KICK THAT RATS A. . . S1 throws his microphone off stage. V2: OOWWW!!!! S1: SHUT UP! S1 turns back to camera. S1: We now return you to Wyvern. Static fills the screen: V1: WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION!? V2: HE BIT ME!!! V1: GET OVER IT! V2: FINE! V1: FINE! Sheesh! V3: meow? V2: What exactly IS a minion? V3: meow? V1: Just feed it! V2: Ooo.Kaayy. . . . V3: meow?

A little room. Weak florecent lighting. Folding chairs scattered about, filled with dejected, forelorn individuals. A speaker at front of room. "Hi, I'd like to thank you all for coming and believe that, together, we can begin to heal. If some one is willing to start, will you please come foreward and begin?" Everyone kind of looks around uneasily. "How about you?" The individual spoken to, hesitates, looks around, shrugs and decides O.K. He stands and walks to the front of the room. His hair and beard are a tangled mess, as if he's been in bed for months then just got up and came straight here, without even thinking of combing it. His attire bolsters the image. On his left foot is a faded, worn, pink bunny slipper that lets out a weak, wheezy squeak with every step, while on his right is a monster foot slipper - just as old and worn - that lets out a roar with every step. He wears faded, wrinkled pajama pants and a torn, wrinkled t-shirt. On the back is a cartoon picture of a bearded man, in a robe, wearing sun glasses and DJ headphones, holding his arms straight out at his sides. Above the picture is written, 'DJ Jesus (pronounced: HEY-sus) World Record Holder for length of time holding arms out at sides at a 90 degree angle or higher'. Below him is written, 'HoldingMyArmsOut.com' On the front is a cartoon picture of a girl with glasses and two little horns on her forehead. Above it is written, 'I Love Lucy:' below it reads, 'Daughter of the Devil'. The man coughs, clears his throat and quietly speaks. "Umm, I'm Snypiuer" (A scattering of "Hi, Snypiuer" comes from those seated), "Yeah, Hi. Umm, I really don't know why I'm here. You know, sure, I lurk, but who dosen't? It's not like I HAVE to. I post. . . So I don't post EVERY day. But does that make me a 'LURKER'? I mean. . ." Snypiuer starts to scan the room nervously, with a lost look, he turns to the first speaker, "Umm, I don't know if I can do this. . ." "That's O.K. Snypiuer, it can be hard the first time. What you need to do though, is to face yourself. Admit to YOURSELF that you're a lurker. It will make it easier to admit it to others. Then the healing can begin." Snypiuer attempts a cocky smile and attitude, but both come off as nervous, "Ha. I'm NOT a lur. . ." He looks around at the faces in the room, kind of steps back, as if he's cornered. He looks at the door and for a brief instant looks like he's going to make a run for it. "I. . ." looking back at the first speaker, Snypiuer lowers his head, turns back to the room and softly says, "My name is Snypiuer. . . and. . . I'm a lurker."

Things that are just WRONG: 1. Sugarless candy. 2. Being attracted to a persons' signiture. i.e. CheerMynx, Kikuyu Black Paws. 3. Believing that, since Kirsten Dunst is NOW an adult, it's O.K. to. . .ummmm. . .'make onseself happy', while watching her scenes in 'Interview With A Vampire' 4. HAVING to point out #3. 5. Shameless, public flatulance. Do NOT ask how I know this, just accept it as fact!

Dear Pen Diary, The Grim Squeaker really did a number on me. He's tougher then he looks. Finally recovered and ready to make another attempt. The squirrels have been out doing my bidding while I recovered. Seems they may have been up to more mischief also. Have heard of several graffitti incidents, Mr. Moog seems to have become obsessed with finding out just how many different ingredients will make dust bunnies explode and I shudder to think what they are doing to the cabbages - so far no ones discovered that last one. . . yet. Anyways, sorry I've been so unreliable in making entries, will attempt to make them on a regular basis. Also, must remember to punch in and pay my VERY late dues. Consider reapplying, maybe that will get me out of the late fees. Must check charter and by-laws to see if that is an option and hope Wyvern doesn't figure out about it. Find B.B.Q. and make appearance as the Lesser Devine Being of Outdoor Cooking. If no B.B.Q., use my position as Spokes Cherub of Processed Meats next time I go to the deli. 'Till next time.

A dark figure stealthfully makes it's way to the wall, spying an untouched section, writes: Snypiuer waz here 4/27/08 then slips away.

So many people, Passing in the night. I wonder where they're going, If they would stop and tell me, Everything's all right. I'm going home. Home to my family. Home where I belong. I'm headed home tonight, Nothing's wrong. Every day I see their faces. As they pass, I see the traces, Of trouble and fear. Eyes cast down, avoiding contact - Moments to be near. I wonder, If there's something I could have done. If they were lonely, Needed someone. What would I do, If asked, "Please may I talk to you?" "Take my hand." "Walk me home." "Let me know that I'm not alone." Would I? In the mirror, I see a face. In it, I can trace, Weariness of many years. I wonder, "Is he all right?" "Avoiding contact - moments to be near?"

I have SOME idea of how this story SHOULD go. Just wondering how others may believe it unfolds if they are given the first and last sentences. Feel free to give ideas or even write a full story using these sentences as beginning and end. Thanks. ******************************************************************************** ******************** The Temples fell and the Gods fled, as I stood upon The Mountain - watching as smoke from the fires that stretched across the horizon, rose to meet the heavens - a solitary Witness to the death of a planet. Thus, Life begins again.

O.K., this one is really good. Moving.

I aint no critic. Unlike many here, I've never been able to grasp how writing is/should be structured. (It's like music, played trombone from 5th grade through 12th - not bad either - but NEVER learned to read or compose music. I just knew that a note written a certain way sounded a certain way. Ask me to play an A flat half note in double time and I'd just stare at you.) One reason I refrain from giving feedback. I don't believe it would be too constructive. BUT, liked this one. Don't know technical reason why, just do. Thanks for posting it. Now entertain me some more! Just kidding, but would enjoy seeing more of your work. 'You'll always have my unspoken passion, though I might not seem to care.' - Just The Way You Are (Billy Joel)

Snypiuer was here - 4/19/08

As Wyvern and Cheermynx seek to unravel themselves, static fills the screen. Voices are heard: V1 - I thought the lizard was going to annouce this? V2 - Yeah, well, turns out that there was a LOT of damage over at Gyrfalcons' and he said something about 'plausable deniability' in case of further litigation. V1 - WHAT!? V2 - HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY IF THERE'S A LAW SUIT! V1 - Yeah, sounds right. Are we ready? V2 - Yeah, just let me turn this here. . . A couple of rather large squirrels appear on camera: S1 - Greetings Pennites! Sorry for interrupting Wyvern's report. . . S2 - But this just in. . . (Squirrel 1 gives Squirrel 2 an annoyed look, S2 gives S1 a 'WHAT!?" look) S1 - After a bit of a delay, The Grim Squeaker Punt, Pass and Kick Games™, brought to you by Almost Dragonic Enterprises, inconjunctionwiththeNimball™Association, begin today! S2 - That's right folks! And let me tell you, those rumors of The Grim Squeaker being kidnapped, an attempt to escape and being forced to participate, as being the reason for the delay. . .FALSE! (S1 sits in shock for a second and stares at S2, before shoving him off screen.) S2 - HEYYY!! S1 - What my colleague meant is, we are sorry for the delay and we hope everyone will enjoy. Now, back to Wyvern. . . Static fills the screen: V2 - WHY'D YOU PUSH ME?! V1 - DID YOUR MOM DROP YOU ON YOUR HEAD AS AN INFANT?! V2 - THE RUMORS ARE OUT THERE! WE NEED TO CONFRONT THEM! THE LIZARD SAID, "DENY! DENY! DENY!" plus. . . the rat bit me. V1 - WHAT!? V2 - nothing. V1 - LOOK, the Lizard said to deny if anyone asks us. NOT BRING IT UP! They continue arguing as the screen returns to Wyvern and Cheermynx

The crowd goes wild as The Grim Squeaker is brought onto the field. Shakled and held at the ends of four long polls held by four mountain trolls. The Grim Squeakers' scythe is tossed down on the ground a few feet in front of him as the mountain trolls release him and scream, "BACK TO THE SIDELINES!" The mountain trolls make a mad dash to the sidelines, The Grim Squeaker grabs his scythe, anger radiates from him. An announcment comes over the loud speakers: "Pennites, our first contestant. . . SNYPIUER! Snypiuer will be making his first attempt at the PUNT!" Snypiuer takes the field. . . The Grim Squeaker tightens his grip on his scythe. . . Snypiuer slowly, carefully approaches The Grim Squeaker. . . They cautiously circle eachother. . . A high pitched scream of pain rings out! From Snypiuer. The Grim Squeaker had launched himself at Snypiuer, like a hyper-sonic bat out of Hades! Obscenity filled post-it notes, scribbled in crayon, litter the ground and fly through the air as The Grim Squeaker attacks Snypiuer with all the fury of a rabid hedge hog on crack! Screams fill the air (once again, from Snypiuer) as the fight rages across the field. (Actually, it's more of Snypiuer running back and forth screaming, "GET HIM OFF! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE TINIEST AND FLUFFY OF ALL CREATION! GET HIM OFF!" - which leads us to RULE 11: Once a contestant enters the field of play, said contestant MUST complete a MINIMUM of one attempt at one event. With NO assistance. Contestant will NOT be allowed off the field until a MINIMUM of one attempt at one event is COMPLETED. EXCEPTION TO RULE 11: Contestant will be allowed off field IF contestant MUST be CARRIED off. Because of RULE 11, it is strongly advised that a contestant REREAD RULES 1 & 2 BEFORE TAKING THE FIELD!) Somehow, Snypiuer gets in a lucky shot, setting The Grim Squeaker off balance for a brief moment! Taking advantage of this, Snypiuer grabs The Grim Squeaker and makes the most perfect punt ANYONE has ever seen! The crowd goes wild! Cheers fill the air! Banners fly! Snypiuer screams! - as he realizes that The Grim Squeaker is attached to his leg and whaking at him with his scythe! The punt was perfect, but The Grim Squeaker never went anywhere! He latched onto Snypiuers' leg and it was Snypiuers' hat that went sailing down field! Hopping around on one foot and trying to shake The Grim Squeaker off the other, Snypiuer screams, "GET HIM OFF! I MADE AN ATTEMPT! GET HIM OFF!" After an extended conference and much more of Snypiuers' screaming, The Grim Squeaker is pulled off a shredded Snypiuer, who is carried off the field. An annoucement comes over the loud speaker: "Pennites, Snypiuer made a valient attempt, but was unnsuccessfull! This will cost him in the points ranking! OUR NEXT CONTESTANT IS. . ." The Grim Squeaker waits mid-field.

RULES: 1 - The Grim Squeaker is NOT just going to LET you use him as sporting equipment! 2 - The Grim Squeaker is a POWERFULL being (he's the friking Death of Rats - YOU ever try to kill a rat? Rats FEAR and WORSHIP him!), respect that. 3 - Use The Grim Squeaker as sporting equipment. 4 - 3 events with 3 attempts at each, to be attemptted in any order over any amount of time. 5 - Main goal of each event is to actually, somehow, complete the event - using The Grim Squeaker as a football (AMERICAN). 6 - REREAD RULES 1 & 2! 7 - PUNT: The player will attempt to punt The Grim Squeaker down field where several targets are placed - accuracy is most important in this event. 8 - PASS: Same as PUNT, but throwing The Grim Squeaker. 9 - KICK: The player will attempt to kick The Grim Squeaker through a target down field from the greatest distance away from the target the player is able to. 10 - REREAD RULES 1 & 2!

Dear Pen Diary, An army of reality dust bunnies assailed my kingdom, driving before them countless hordes of DM/MD's. The horrors committed by the DM/MD's - acts so vile, despicable, disgusting and obscene. . . It's hard to go on (Mr. Moog has been in a catatonic state, muttering "puppies, too many puppies" over and over) The acts committed by the DM/MD's were so unspeakable, so horrific, so obscenely vile, that they shall NEVER, EVER, be thought of (let alone spoken of) again *shudder*. Partially recovered and making an attempt to rebuild. Just thankfull for surviving.

Tommy the Kat had many a story to tell But it was a rare occasion, such as this, that he did... (Primus) Just got ready to start up again and my AMAZING run of continuous bad luck again kicked up. Suffice it to say, Snypiuer isn't getting back to work any time soon. Oh well. It seems that there really isn't that much of a decrease in Pennites that look but don't post. Lots of lurkers. Most posts get a decent amount of reads. Look back around 2005, there was another "What happened..." type post. The Pen is still here. Even those that say they "moved on" or lost their muse still return, lurking. That is NOT a bad thing. Every now and then, they post. A reply or a sudden inspiration. Think ALL this has been said before, but I think it's important to repeat. Pennites may "move on", start their own blogs, but The Pen is their home. They return to the old neighborhood. How many of their blogs have a PROMINENT link to the Pen? How many promote the Pen to people who read their blogs? I personally don't see the appeal of blogs, they remind me too much of the old Bulletin Board System of the early internet (here's to you 'Control' in Colorado Springs - 1985). But, that's me. Yet, isn't a "forum" like the Pen, technically, a community blog? What if there was a Mighty Pen on Myspace that featured select posts once a week or month that pointed back to this site for those interested in reading more or becoming a member? Has this been considered by the few Pennites who consistantly post (and I MUST say, the one's we ALL owe a debt of gratitude to for their dedication - a VERY humble and heart felt 'thank you' from this unworthy hypocrit of a lurking Pennite)? Just a few thoughts.

Dear Pen Diary, Figure out postal system. . . hhmmm. ANYWAYS, Real life has been VERY annoying and time consuming as of late. Most frustrating, since I have The Grim Squeaker Games™ to introduce. MUST get priorities in order. Will do so THIS week. Honest. Really. El Diablo (neighborhood rooster that whispered esoteric secrets in ones' ear, if one were to take a nap on ones' front lawn) captured by animal control. As he was taken away, looked at me and whispered. . . something.

Once again, years of minute and subtle manipulation of reality - setting in motion small (yet crucial) events has led to what has just transpired between Wyvern and Cheer Mynx. All according to plan. . . While the Almost Reports' audience is plunged into darkness, the microphones stay on (Wyvern is unaware that all the hush-hush talk was heard by all). The audience then hears the following: Wyvern is so distracted by Cheer Mynx, that he does not notice the sudden appearance of several tears in reality and a full squad of Suicide Squirrels leaping through, until it is too late. Snuffles sudden hiss is drowned out by the spine chilling battle-cry of SQUEAKY! EEKY! EEKY! The fight is fierce and quick, with the SSS living up to its' name. Few survive, but Wyvern, Cheer Mynx and Snuffles are captured (with nothing more then some mused up hair - surprising, considering all the damage to Gyrfalcons' library and dead squirrels littering it). Wyvern nearly turns the tide of battle, until he sees Cheer Mynx and Snuffles tied up and cross bows pointed at them. A squirrel says, "Hold Almost Dragonic one, or your most precious gets it!" Wyvern lets out a mighty gasp, reaches desperately with his claws, then slumps his wings in defeat. . . and surrenders. Since there was a pile of geld behind Cheer Mynx and Snuffles (which Snuffles couldn't see) that three big guys, with hammers, were standing around (ready to smash it) - plus all the damage to the library (that Wyvern thought he just MIGHT have to pay for). . . well, we'll never know EXACTLY why Wyvern surrendered. A tear in reality appears and three large squirrels and Snypiuer step through. "Sorry it had to happen this way Wyv. But plans and machinations have their way of unfolding. I need you to broadcast something for me." After a lot of commotion of things being hastely cleaned up is heard, the cameras come back on. . . A very angry looking Wyvern appears and the tips of cross bows can sometimes be seen protruding at the edges of the screen. In a forced voice he reads, "Hello Pennitesss, in a previousss report, it wass reported that The Grim Ssquaeker wasss missssing. We have breaking newss, a video hasss sssurfaced." A video that looks like it was done on a handheld is shown: Static fills the screen and a voice can be heard above what sounds like a struggle, Voice one (V1), "Tie his feet to the chair!!" Voice two (V2), "SQUEAK!" Voice three (V3), "OWW! He bit me!" V1, "Come on Squeak, calm down!" V3, "OWW! He kicked me!" V2, "SQUEAK!" V1, "Just hurry!" V3, "O.K., I got him!" V2, "SQUEAK!" V1, "Good. Now slide him up to the desk. I'll get the crayons and post-its." V3, "You slide him!" V1, "Just slide him! The boss said to hurry!" The sound of a chair scraping against the floor is heard. V2, "SQUAEK!" V3, "OWWWW!!! HE BIT ME AGAIN!" V1, "Quit whinning! Look Squeak, we're going to untie your hands so you can do your post-its. Just write what the boss said to write and don't give us any problems! Remember, we got you covered if you do. Don't make us have to get rough. The sooner we get this over with, the better. Untie his hands." V3, "YOU DO IT!" V1, "You big baby!" V2, "SQUEAK!" V1, "OWWWW!!!" The static clears and The Grim Squeaker is seen behind a desk (cross bow tips at edges of screen), he begins scribbling on post-its and showing them to the camera: H ello, just want to let everyone know i'm fine. E njoying some time to myself 'till the big annoucement. L et me tell you, i'm excited. P reperations are underway, as we speak. M entioned an announcement, should be coming anytime now. E xpect it soon !!! Static reappears: V3, "Did he?" V1, "The boss is gonna be sooo upset." V2, "SQUEAK" Sound of a struggle is heard: V2, "SQUEAK!" V3, "OWWW!!!" Wyvern reappears, with a look like he's thinking "What the??!" "Well, I guessss he'ss alright then." (If sarcasm could be seen, you would see it leaking out of Wyvern like sweat from a 5ft. 400lb guy wearing a scuba suit, on the 18th mile of a 21 mile run in Georgia. During the afternoon. In August. In the middle of a heat wave.) "Now a word from the perssson ressponsssible for all thisss, Ssnypiuer." Wyvern looks around with another "What the??!" look as applause is heard all around and Snypiuer enters. "Hi everyone! Hey Wyv. Glad to be here. As everyone can see, The Grim Squeaker is just fine. He's very enthused about our new venture and can't wait to participate. I will now OFFICIALLY announce, on behalf of the Official Ruling Body that May or May Not Officialy Exist in Perfigullumn OR Emgumphully over the Nimball™ Association (IF such an organization ACTUALLY exists), 'The Grim Squeaker Punt, Pass and Kick Games™'!" The sound of applause fills the room. "They will be held shortly and the rules will be explained on opening day." Wyvern pulls Snypiuer aside and asks, breathlessly (which was a LITTLE creepy), "Do you have anyone dissstributing your merchindissse or running the concesssion ssstandss? Marketing?! WHAT ABOUT MARKETING?!?" Snypiuer can just reply, "Uhhhh?" Wyverns' eyes glass over for a second, "That meansss no." He casts a spell and screams, "MELBA! GET ME A CONTRACT!!!!" He then turns to Snypiuer, "BUDDY! Pal 'o mine! You look like you need to concern yourself with. . . bigger thingsss. I'll take it from here." Snypiuer gives a "Uhhh, O.K.?" as Wyvern guides him off camera. With geld reflecting in his eyes, he turns a toothy grin to the camera, "You heard it folksss! Almossst Dragonic Enterprissesss - inconjuctionwiththeNimball™Asssociation, will bring to you 'The Grim Ssqueaker Punt, Passs and Kick Gamesss™'! Sstay tuned for more updatesss!" Some how, a smiling Cheer Mynx is by Wyverns' side, wearing a 'Grim Squeaker Punt, Pass and Kick' cheerleading outfit. As the cameras are fading out, Wyvern is heard as he walks over to Snypiuer (with a claw full of legal papers), "It'sss been TOO long!" Snypiuer can be heard saying, "Uhhh???"

Dear Pen Diary, Someone released a bunch of reality dust bunnies. I was unprepared. Beaten sensless and left for dead (tax time BIIITTESSS!!!!). Unsure where they came from, but may be tied to my three squirrel companions. Sent them out in search of dust bunnies the other day. Reported an incident with a cabbage, but covered their tracks by framing a raccoon. Also mentioned an encounter with some non-reality dust bunnies. Filled them up with cookie dough and baking soda, then sent them on their way. Sent Nanotoknonnen a fruit basket. . .pre-emptively. . .just in case. Word is out The Grim Squeaker is missing. Everything is right on track. Wyvern is now key. Figure out "postal system"?

As the Death of Rats leaps through the air, he realizes too late. . .it's a trap! After a mighty fight - with many a SQUEAK, flurry of obscenity scribbled posts-it notes, fish scales and amputated fins - the Grim Squeaker is captured. Snypiuer sees all his plans coming together.

Dear Pen Diary, So far, the hunt for reality dust bunnies has been unfruitfull. Muse remains captive. Mr. Finnigan (the oversize rat that roams the neighborhood and cleans up oil stains in driveways while everyone sleeps) offered his condolences for my failure and then presented his tail to be scratched - for luck (this works because Mr. Finnigan is half Lepercaun - don't ask how). Still no dust bunnies. BUT!!! After years upon years upon years of careful planning and subtle manipulation of the space/time continuum. . . The Grim Squeaker, Death of Rats, Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Priest to the Left Side of the Great God, Pharaoh Nanotoknonnen. . . has fallen into my trap! A new day of sports entertainment dawns!!!