Snypiuer

I like it! (Awkward pause) yeah. . . O.K. then! *Snypiuer REALLY needs to work on his critiquing skills.*

If you were to derez the pixilation, you'd find that Snypiuer has NO idea what he is talking about. Seriously, a mentally deficient monkey with head trauma has more computer knowledge then me. Think Tzimfemme (Quincunx) was working on that problem. Patrick seems to have escaped his forced servitude to the Pen, but you might try sending him a message and see if he responds. Glad to see you around! Uselessly yours (as always),

It's a festival in Austin, TX. held over about a week. It combines a film festival, interactive festival and a music festival. Bands/musicians from all over the world are invited to play in over 70 venues - mainly along 6th street where all the bars and clubs are. There are also panels and conferences. They have a website: sxsw . com and you can get everything you need to know there. To try to get invited to perform in 2010, go to: sonicbids . com/sxsw and you can get all the info you need to know about how to submit an application. Even if you don't get invited to play, it's an amazing event to attend. Not only new talent shows up, there's usually appearances by established artist.

Why, thank you very much!

Savage, Melancholy much? Just kidding! 3 A.M. POSTINGS ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I liked this one a little better then the last one - liked the last one, just like this one more. Ever do SXSW? Anyways, good stuff!

I was born with the soul of a singer, But I never found my voice. The words to my song Never sung, Never heard. I have the the hands of a painter, But I never put brush to canvas. The beauty I imagine Never painted, Never seen. My heart is that of a writer, But I left my words unwritten. The stories I create Never read, Never told. And my spirit is one of greatness, But I never had my grand adventure. A life meant for so much more Never realized, Never lived.

I, like many of you who have (or will) read Wyvern's last post: Wanted to say, "No. You Sir are far too permanent a fixture within this Institution, to even consider the action described. Who, SIR, will read and stamp the applications -APPROVED-? Who, SIR, will take the credit for all of Melba's hard work? Who, SIR, shall: Covet geld, scheme, swindle, hoodwink and boondoggle!? Who, SIR, shall harass, then kiss the girls and make them cry?" I wanted to say, "We GRACIOUSLY accepted your decision to stop your weekly postings under the 'News' forum, what MORE do you want from us?" "You have a responsibility and duty to the Pen! To US!?" Simply put, "What shall WE do without you?" All this and more I wanted to say. . .NAY! Scream out loud! I wanted to shake him forcibly, 'till he came to his senses. But I shall not. Wyvern deserves much more then that. Though I have never even communicated (let alone met) with the individual behind Wyvern outside of these imaginary walls, I have always considered him (like many of you) a friend. Therefore, I shall say, "You are young, with a long life ahead of you. You deserve to live it fully, without the chains and constraints individuals (such as myself) would like to place upon you. I would quote some glib saying about God holding you in his hands while your life is filled with wonder and joy, until he brings you safely back to us - but I don't know any." Wyvern, I envy those who know the individual that 'Wyvern' is but a part of - because, having only had the pleasure of knowing 'Wyvern', I am better for that alone. We can selfishly hope that 'The Pen' is too great a desire for you and you find yourself unable to stay away for long. But, it is more likely you will make every attempt to post and 'check-in' once in a while, 'till one day you find yourself thinking, "It's been so long since I checked, I wonder if the Pen even still exists." Which is O.K., sad. . . but O.K. (Anyone figure out that Snypiuer is long-winded and lacks the ability to come to a tactful 'End' yet?) You have been one of the most prolific and dependable writers here. That level of your presence will be missed - making any future posting by you all the more special and cherished. Keep us in your thoughts and visit as often as you can!

I got nothing. I REALLY wanted to come through, but I fear I let you down. All I could get was one or two lines that simply SUCKED to high heaven. I don't know what to say. I feel ashamed.

*Transfixed by the "Multiquote" button, Ozymandias is oblivious to the fact that behind him has entered the legendary, NAY! the no-less-then MYTHICAL Turtle of Realization. . .* Fear not my friend, it is a slow and painful process, but the outcome is. . . striking! Skins!? SKIN-TIGHT, FOOTY ONE-PIECES FOR EVERYONE!!! YYAAYYY!!!!!! What? Not that kind of skins? But the order has already been sent to the 6'3" Albino Dwarf! Seriously, my knowledge base on these things extends to just this side of, "Magic Box make Snypiuer happy!" (NOT like that! And as stated elsewhere, some of you REALLY need to re-evaluate your thought process!), so I have NO idea of what you speak - but, thanks for the reassurance! I WOULD like to say that if I did know how to do any of these things, that I would help. . . REALLY! I WOULD like to say that! Little known fact: The word "Snypiuer" is a colloquial form of the term "Fat, lazy, good-for-nothing" in the long dead language of the Ancidian Druaghdache - a species of beings SO lazy, they went extinct watching a commercial-free marathon of Japanese Game Shows when the ferret they had hired to pause the satellite feed every few hours as a signal to eat, was accidentally killed trying to splice into an "Adult Entertainment" cable feed (not rreeeaaalllyyyy sure EXACTLY how this killed him, but centuries later, explorers that stumbled upon this long-lost civilization said his surprisingly well preserved corpse was still smiling!). ANYWAYS! The fact that such a species actually had a term to describe an individual whom THEY considered to be a fat, lazy, good-for-nothing. . . well, not really sure if that should engender a sense of pride or not. . . BUT, it is saying something! Turtle: *Slowly draws nearer*

O.K., I'm not a good lyricist, but I was going to give it a try. THEN, you went and offered to kick a puppy. A dilemma now arises. . . will there be a video of said kicking? NOW, don't get me wrong! I am an animal lover. . . no, not THAT kind - you know, some of you REEAALLYY need to re-evaluate your thought process! ANYWAYS, as I was saying, I like animals, ESPECIALLY puppies! But, one can never pass up a good puppy kicking! It's all in the set-up: Will the puppy be facing you? Will there be a running start? How big of a puppy? Will there be an obstacle to impact or will you be going for distance? Can you kick a cat instead (A guaranteed crowd pleaser!)? So MANY variables!

Anyone paying attention will notice the legendary, NAY! the no-less-then MYTHICAL Turtle of Realization enter the room behind Snypiuer and slowly approach him: Snypiuer: O.K., so I'm gone for a while and when I come back. . . I find THIS! WHAT THE. . .!? I don't even know what to call it! Turtle: *Slowly draws nearer* Snypiuer: What is wrong with you people!? Do you HAVE to change EVERYTHING!? Can't you leave well enough alone!? Turtle: *Slowly draws nearer* Snypiuer: You have managed to take everything I hold near and dear and perverted it into this. . . this MONSTROSITY! Turtle: *Slowly draws nearer* Snypiuer: Don't you have ANY respect for TRADITION!? You HAVE to "TRICK-OUT" EVERYTHING!? Turtle: *Slowly draws nearer* Snypiuer: NOOOOO!!!! You HAAVVE to make it all "UP-TO-DATE" and "PROGRESSIVE"! Turtle: *Arrives behind Snypiuer and reaches into his shell* Snypiuer: You know, if I had my druthers, I'd take each and EVERY one of you and. . . Turtle: *Pulls a giant baseball bat from shell and with a MIGHTY swing, takes Snypiuer out just below the knees* WHACK!!! Snypiuer: *For a. . . brief. . . valiant moment, it seems that Snypiuer's feet will stay firmly on the ground. But, sadly, they do not. Then for an even briefer, yet gloriously shining moment, Snypiuer finds himself perfectly parallel to the ground - before he crashes down, his face fervently attempting to become one with the floor* WHUMP!. . . ooof. *After a small exhalation upon impact, Snypiuer remains immobile and silent - too shocked to even register the immense pain he is in* Turtle: *Finding Snypiuer's head at his level now, whispers in his ear* whisper, whisper, whisper. Snypiuer: (Disbelievingly) Really!? Turtle: Whisper, whisper. Snypiuer: (Even more disbelievingly) RRReeeaaaallllllyyyyyy!?!?!? Turtle: Whisper. Snypiuer: All of this was discussed!? AND I even gave some input!? Are you sure!? Turtle: *Pulls a small lap-top from his shell and places it sideways in front of Snypiuer so he may see it* Snypiuer: And how do I know that I wrote all that!? I mean, ANYONE could have. . . Turtle: WHACK!!! *Swinging for the fences, he delivers a crushing blow to Snypiuer's head* Snypiuer: *His one good eye wildly rotating in its' socket, pupil chaotically alternating between a full black disk and a tiny pin-point, Snypiuer is pretty sure the eye-patch over his other eye is barely containing whatever may be behind it, when he comes to the realization that he did know about this all along* OOOHHHH!!!!! Now I remember! Turtle: *Takes his lap-top and bat and slowly leaves the room, ignoring Snypiuer* Snypiuer: Ummm. . . you know, I'm pretty hurt here. Hello!? I think I have a concussion and my legs are most likely broken. Hello!? Anybody there? You know, maybe they're not broken, let me see. *Snypiuer attempts to stand* CRACK!SNAP!GRIND! *The sickening sound of bones snapping and grinding together fills the room as he crashes back down* No. No, they're broken. Hello!? Anyways, place looks good. I have no knowledge what-so-ever on how to do ANY of this stuff, so I have great respect for those who do. BUT, the best thing about change is one can then complain about it! Old-Timer: *Trembly voice* Why I remember back in aught-nine, The Mighty Pen was BROWN! We didn't have all this new fangly whats-its and. . . hey look, it's a June bug, why I remember. . . Now, I can picture Patrick being held captive at the bottom of a pit in the darkened basement of a 6'3" Albino Dwarf (Thyroid problems) and being forced to work on the site: Patrick shields his eyes from the harsh light as his captor (wearing nothing but a skin-tight footy one-piece made from the freshly skinned carcasses of kidnapped stuffed animals) stands at the top of the pit and lowers a basket of suggestions for the site down to him: Captor: It puts what we want on the site. Patrick: Umm, yeah. . . you know, some of this is. . . Captor: It puts what we want on the site! Patrick: Yeaahhh. . . like I was trying to tell you. . . Captor: IT PUTS WHAT WE WANT ON THE SITE OR IT GETS THE COLD WATER! Patrick: Yeaahhh, you do know that the water will ruin the computer. . . right? Captor: IT PUTS WHAT WE WANT ON THE SITE!!! *The Dwarf leaves and shuts off the lights* Patrick: *From the dark - only the glow from the computer screen to give him light* I HAVE A JOB YOU KNOW! I'M GOING TO HAVE TO GO TO IT. . . SOMETIME! (To himself) Someone will look for me. Well, I know it may not be easy to do some things and I DO appreciate what everyone has contributed (while I have done nothing) - still, I shamelessly offer my suggestions: I had it set to turn blue when I signed in, kind of liked that. It would be nice if we had a wide choice of colors (I RRREEAALLLYYY like a very dark Burgundy!) to choose from. Or, how about a variety of backgrounds or the ability to make your own, so that we could "individualize" our Mighty Pen experience? If you could do this, maybe we could hold a contest and the winners' page set up would be used for the public page people see if they are not signed in for the next month? Also, it is kind of confusing to go to a forum and have to go down a few post to get to a new one. Is there any way to once again separate the permanent post at the top of some forums from the ones that change upon the addition of new ones? Finally, what if we were able to send and receive e-mail from TheMightyPen? An advertisement with every e-mail! Could it be set-up to automatically send any e-mail we receive to our regular e-mail accounts so it saves space? I have NO idea how this stuff works! Well, (for now) that's my two cents - I'll expect my change in the form of a cashiers check. Once again, site looks GREAT!

Hjolnai, Greetings and Salutations, I beg your forgiveness as to the ambient temperature of my fair kingdom. I keep it thus, since all the fountains within my kingdom spew the finest of ales and it is required for the drinking pleasures of those whom partake of them. You would be aware of this (and the fact that I am the owner of this castle) had you not so rudely refused the 'Welcome to the Neighborhood' gift basket I sent you (Escorted by a small contingent of dragons, giants, wizards and various other military personnel - which were purely ceremonial, I assure you.) when you first moved in. Not to mention your out-right rebukes of all my subsequent attempts to extend the hand of genuine friendship, such as when I (out of the kindness of my heart) tore down some dilapidated structures you had abandoned along our shared border and evicted the squatters that had been living there - for you (We both know that your assertion that it was a 'city' and the squatters were your 'citizens' was nothing more then a pretense to 'save face' when you so brutally slaughtered the relief workers I had sent to help rebuild). Or, when I sent a small group of assassins personal valets to deliver an invitation to a victory celebration I was planning to have - The insult of your refusal to attend, not to mention your audacity to actually execute my loyal valets, was such that I was simply unable to host said celebration. Still, I am a kind and gentle man - willing to (once again) extend my hand to you, in an attempt to bring our two kingdoms closer together - You might say, "To make them as one." So, having noticed the extremely poor condition of your kingdom (Undoubtedly you are suffering a financial crisis and this is the reason you, yourself, can not afford to keep it heated to a decent temperature - which is nothing to be ashamed of in these economic times), I shall send the full might of my military into your kingdom in a humanitarian effort to 'renovate' it. We will also rid your kingdom of its' vast populace of squatters for you. I fully understand that you are a proud individual and will most likely attempt to refuse my kind assistance. But, rest assured, I will not relent in my effort to help rebuild and repopulate your kingdom, so that you may retire and live out your life in leisure on your own private deserted island or locked tower - whichever you feel will best suit you (That is, if you can survive the rigors of the rebuilding project, of course). Yours in friendship, Snypiuer

Thus, with Wyvern's critique, you see how truly bad I am! That said, I tend to agree with what he wrote.

Misinterprets Troubled Sleeps' comment (on purpose - of course) as meaning she's in love with him and blushes There was a mention of not knowing when, or to what extent, comments were welcome. Is there anyway to set it up when you post to turn off comments? That way, if it's left on, it will automatically be implied. Just a thought.

I can NOT stress with enough conviction, Snypiuer is NOT a good critic. Unless there are really, REALLY obvious problems with grammar and structure, I tend to miss them (I have the habit of mentally 'fixing' small errors as I read and therefor simply don't 'see' them - maybe that's why my own work is such a mess?) Anyways, this is what I'll do you for. If I were at a book store, just browsing with no set author or book in mind, and this was on the back cover of a book that caught my eye - I'm not sure I would buy it. I would have to flip through and read a few random pages to see if it caught my interest. It has some potential, which is why I WOULD flip through it instead of just putting it back and moving on. Sorry I can't give you more, like I said, I'm not a good critic.

Snypiuer swings in on a rope, drunk and stumbling around. His unsteadiness, combined with his garbled speech, makes everyone believe that Captain Jack Sparrow was an amalgamation of Henry Higgins and a proper Southern Gentleman in comparison, he can barely slur, "Some one mention a ship in need of a Captain?" - right before falling overboard (no one has any idea where a ship railing came from), disappearing from view. Jason, how about doing a Youtube of the music and posting it. Everyone could then listen and submit lyrics. Then we could vote and you then post aversion with the winning lyrics or maybe you could post a version of each submission and then we pick. Also, are there any other Pennites that do music? Maybe they could put some other Pennites works to music also and then every month or so, we could vote on one and place it on the Facebook page or something. Or how about readings of works being posted? Either by the author or one of the more theatrical Pennites? Once again, every month, we could vote to see which work would be featured. We could have categories, one of which would be new works posted that month - this might get people to post more often. Just tossing out the ideas!

First, any relation to Duke? ......................... ............................ Duke Nukem'...... ............................... .................................. ............................................. COME ON! THAT'S FUNNY! Anyways, like your stuff (as I've posted elsewhere, I'm not a good critic - so, 'Snypiuer like' is about it). Also, don't know if you ever do covers, but I think you could do an interesting take on Colin Hays' 'You Looking at Me?' OR (Oh, this just came to me!), how about putting some of the other Pennites' works to music? It could be part of the whole 'Getting people to post more' thing. They'd post a work for consideration and it could be voted on, winner gets Newcomb... -ed? -ised? -ated? Just a thought!

Ozy, Superman? Not according to the tag in my underwear. If that is to be trusted, I'm some sort of 'Loom' fruit - whatever that is, I'm an EXTRA, EXTRA large one! Anyways, Villains is one of my favorite takes on the fantasy story line. It is also, partly, an inspiration for the alternate reality story I'm doing on Signe - that being mentioned: I, Snypiuer, am a hypocrite. I have stated my EXTREME hatred of Robert Jordan's' (former) inability to meet a deadline, and Lord knows my personal views of Robert Asprin's inability to meet a deadline (which caused me to stop reading the MYTH series - though I still follow the Phule novels). *This just found out (while checking to make sure I spelled his name correctly), Robert Asprin ALSO died! What are these people doing to me!?* Regardless of this, I myself told Signe (well over a week ago) that I was only a few days from finishing the alternate reality story. I'm STILL writing it. BUT, it's due to the fact that the story has grown and I'm trying to fit it all in (not that that is an excuse or anything). SO: My apologies to Signe and I will post as SOON as I'm done - PROMISE! O.K., anyone who can find this book, should. Also, while I do LOVE Middle Earth, I find Mithgar (the world of 'The Iron Tower and The Silver Call') just as good and I SLIGHTLY prefer it. So try it. Faerie Tale is just plain creepy - read at night. Alone. In the dark. The others are just fun. I need to go through my collections to find it, but there is a short story I'd recommend about how humans, as a race, become God-like beings and suddenly die out all at once. It's old (came out about the same time as stories such as: 'John Carter', 'Fafhrd and the Grey Mouser', etc.), came out in a sci/fi serial, will look for it. Wish I was actually able to do more then say, "Snypiuer like!" or, "Snypiuer NO like!", but Snypiuer has NO critic skills beyond this. HAVE FUN!

Words of hurt. Of deprivation. I like the 'Of deprivation' part. May have to change the first line though. And reword the rest of that stanza, but that 'Of deprivation' does fit. It gives inklings of ideas! I LIKE IT! Will think on it. THANK YOU! ALL SUGGESTIONS ARE NOT ONLY HELPFUL, THEY ARE MUCH APPRECIATED!

I know what you mean about first lines of last stanza - I just couldn't come up with anything. Open to suggestions! Also, corrected who's to whose. Completely missed that one and will now retire to subject myself to harsh and brutal punishment for my transgression! No need to apologize for nitpicking - the fact that I must now suffer a sever and violent beating (punctuated by humiliation) because of said nitpicking, may be in question. But hey, you know, it builds character! Glad you liked it!

This is one of those that make me think it's been written before or, at least, should have been. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Sad poem of melancholy and dark despair. Lost love. Broken dreams. Life unfair. Dark words of emotions raw and feelings deep. Of pain. Of sorrow. Of troubled sleep. Words of hurt beneath which anger simmers. To end, in hope - whose faint light glimmers.

When the Wheel of Time series first came out, they gave away the first half of the first book as a stand alone novel at comic/sci-fi conventions, book fairs and such. This is how I got hooked. Then, Mr. Jordan not only took his time writing each subsequent book, he missed deadlines and actually stopped to write Conan novels. You have no idea how many times I fantasized about reenacting the scene from Misery where James Caan's character is tied to the bed and gets his ankles broken, with Mr. Jordan so that he was forced to finish writing his series. Then he died. This REALLY upset me. I have my suspicions, but I believe he planned it - just to p*ss me off (yes, I AM that self-centered). Anyways, let's hope the new guy finishes it in a timely manner - each book is HUGE and having to go back and read each to refresh my memory EVERY SINGLE TIME a new one comes out grows old and takes away from my enjoyment. Oh yeah, try these fun books: Villains by Necessity - by Eve Forward (Fantasy) Illegal Aliens - by Phil Foglio and Nick Pollotta (Sci-Fi) Faerie Tale - by Raymond E. Feist (Horror/Fantasy) Songs of Earth and Power (combines The Infinity Concerto and The Serpent Mage) - by Greg Bear (Fantasy) Iron Tower Trilogy and Silver Call Duology - by Dennis L. McKiernan (Fantasy) I believe there is now one book combining all five books.

I like it. Actually can relate from both sides (student and teacher). Snypiuer basically slept through his entire schooling - finding his teachers to be less then adequate. So, became a physics major when he went to college (though did not finish a degree for reasons soon to be revealed) and was headed toward a future in education - which he was, without a doubt, greatly needed (based on his prior exposure to inadequate educators). Having gained enough credits to substitute teach, Snypiuer wisely did so for 2 years - in order to verify that this was, in deed, what he should make of his life. After teaching (I was that foolish sub that actually attempted to teach instead of babysit) every grade from kindergarten to H.S. seniors and drop out retention students (actually did 4 months as a permanent freshman algebra sub), Snypiuer concluded three things: 1. Academia actually deteriorates ones intelligence. 2. Snypiuer hates children (more so then his disdain for people in general) 3. Finally, that students are evil and must be eradicated - which, for some unknown reason, my superiors (while agreeing with me) did not share my willingness to implement a final solution to achieve this objective. Thus ended, not only, Snypiuer's teaching career, but also his education - seeing no reason to continue, since all his dreams of being a positive influence in the molding of the minds of future generations had been thoroughly crushed. So, this is why your story makes me giggle on many levels! THANKS FOR WRITING IT !

Sadly, this is an actual event, so I believe does NOT count as overcoming my writers block: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I see him sitting there Day after day. Pondering, I know not what. Lost in contemplation, He is oblivious to all that surrounds him. As if he alone, Exists. I can only wonder At what deep and philosophical thoughts Traverse the landscapes Of his mind. As he sits there, Solitary. Alone. Blind to all others. Perhaps he meditates Upon Universal secrets. Or the nature Of One's soul. When I try to imagine, The possibilities. The sheer enormity of it all, Shakes me to the core. The very essence of my being, Trembles. As I shudder at the mere thought Of being lost in that vastness. When I finally steady myself. Regain my composure. I approach, And ask: "Hey Dad, Is it really too much to ask, For you to close the bathroom door When you're in there?"