Snypiuer

STILL trying to figure out HOW to get the skins. I'm following the directions, but not working! I KNOW I'm making a simple mistake SOMEWHERE! Bear with me and I'm SORRY it's taking so long!

WHOA! I have GOT to get myself in gear! I have not made a News update in ages. I'm just completely non-functioning at the moment (haven't been for some time). Anyways, Patrick has moved us and, like in MOST moves, we lost some things. The skins didn't survive and I'll be doing what I can to fix that - just give me some time to figure out exactly WHAT is different. If I can motivate myself, I'll try to tidy the site up a bit (that is, IF I can figure out HOW).

The human heart is a wondrous thing. It's so small that, when it's filled with joy, it over-flows and you have to share your happiness with everyone you can. Yet, when it's filled with sorrow, it becomes a bottomless pit of pain and sadness - an endless void of tears that we crawl into and shut ourselves away from those we love as we wallow in despair and it feels as if our heart is whithering away and dieing. But, the most wondrous thing about the human heart is, when the tiniest bit of hope touches it, the thinnest bit of happiness caresses it. . . it heals. If these last two poems come from within your own personal well of sorrow and are this good. . . I can't wait to read what you write when your heart heals.

O.K., it's no secret that I have no idea what I'm doing and failing on a grand scale to learn anything. There has been talk of reorganizing the site to make it, at least, look better. Problem is, the people with the knowledge of HOW to do it are hindered by RL and simply don't have the time required. My suggestion is, everyone give their thoughts on what is most important to do first and those with the knowledge of how, just give a quick explanation of what I need to do (what the code looks like and where it should be found) and I'll look up the specifics. I've found several other writing sites that have regular activity and think we can incorporate some of their elements while retaining the intimacy that sets the Pen apart. If any of you know of any sites, give a link and what you believe we should emulate.

Suffering from a monumental case of non-inspiration to write anything, I was wondering where others find their inspiration to write. Do you have a favorite theme or setting that you feel most comfortable with? Do you follow a basic pattern when writing? Whatever you think may help, not just me, but others.

O.K., where to start? Let's put up some statistics first. Stats: Source https://www.cia.gov/...ok/geos/as.html Australia and https://www.cia.gov/...ok/geos/us.html USA Population Australia 21,766,711 (July 2011 est.) USA 313,232,044 (July 2011 est.) Urbanization Australia 89% of total population (2010) USA 82% of total population (2010) Population of Major Cities Australia Sydney 4.429 million; Melbourne 3.853 million; Brisbane 1.97 million; Perth 1.599 million; CANBERRA (capital) 384,000 (2009) USA New York-Newark 19.3 million; Los Angeles-Long Beach-Santa Ana 12.675 million; Chicago 9.134 million; Miami 5.699 million; WASHINGTON, D.C. (capital) 4.421 million (2009) GDP Australia $917.7 billion (2011 est.) Official Exchange Rate $1.507 trillion (2011 est.) Per Capita $40,800 (2011 est.) By Sector agriculture: 4% industry: 25.6% services: 70.4% (2011 est.) USA $15.04 trillion (2011 est.) Official Exchange Rate $15.06 trillion (2011 est.) Per Capita $48,100 (2011 est.) By Sector agriculture: 1.2% industry: 22.1% services: 76.7% (2011 est.) Labor Force Australia 12.02 million (2011 est.) By Occupation agriculture: 3.6% industry: 21.1% services: 75% (2009 est.) USA 153.4 million By Occupation farming, forestry, and fishing: 0.7% manufacturing, extraction, transportation, and crafts: 20.3% managerial, professional, and technical: 37.3% sales and office: 24.2% other services: 17.6% Unemployment Australia 5% (2011 est.) USA 9.1% (2011 est.) Population Below Poverty Level Australia NA% USA 15.1% (2010 est.) Household Income or Consumption by Comparison Share Australia lowest 10%: 2% highest 10%: 25.4% (1994) USA lowest 10%: 2% highest 10%: 30% (2007 est.) Taxes as % of GDP Australia 31.1% of GDP (2011 est.) USA 15% of GDP Now, what can we take from this? In terms of % of Population, more Australians actually live in cities than Americans do. In fact 11.851 million Australians (slightly less than 55% of all Australians) live in just 4 cities and about 80% of all Australians live within the Eastern Seaboard or coastal fringes (http://www.wilmap.com.au/ausfacts.html). This means that delivery of goods in Australia is much more centralized than they are in the USA - with over 50% of the population located in four cities and 80% of the total population living along waterways (coastline). Combine this with a far smaller population than the USA and it should be much more cost effective to supply goods/services in Australia. While I maintain that a mandated higher minimum wage has a lot to do with this, another factor is rate of taxation. Australians are taxed at over twice that of Americans (31.1% vs. 15%) - it's a fundamental fact of business that all costs are transferred to the consumer, thereby increasing the cost to supply goods and services. We can also see that, despite the USA having 15.1% of it's population below the Poverty level and Australia having a statistical 0% below Poverty level, the bottom 10% of the population in both countries have a comparison share of 2% of GDP while there is less than a 5% difference in the top 10%. This does translate to Australia having a slightly better distribution of wealth (due to the difference in population) but the difference in GDP lessens this disparity. Add the fact that every cost of living calculator I can find lists the cost of living in Australia as, anywhere from, 30% to 80% higher than the cost of living in the USA and a taxation rate of twice that of the USA and mandating a higher minimum wage just exacerbates things. I will concede that, due to Australia's' smaller population and the actual distribution of the population, a mandated higher minimum wage has less of a negative effect in Australia than it would in the USA. Also, to make incentivizing a higher minimum wage more effective over all, a restructuring of the tax code would need to be done. I have a basic outline of such a reworked tax structure and will attempt to post a simplified version. . . eventually!? I know I'm missing something. . . just can't figure out what!

O.K., after reading your link, I did a bit of looking around. The science of the story is, basically, an amalgamation of physics and philosophy. Simplified, it's 'all of reality is composed of energy' and 'everything is what it is because of how an individual perceives it'. The physics used is 'Timeless Physics', which actually affirms my original argument of time not actually existing. *On a quick side track, I never knew of this theory (actually 2 similar theories with slight differences) and find that, with a little tweaking on WHY they reach their conclusion, they may hold promise (yes, I said THEY need to adjust their premise. In other words, while I agree with them as a whole, I am correct as to the WHY and they are wrong). On another side track, this is the second time in the last few months that I have discovered that a belief I hold actually has an established system in place. The first being, unknown to me, it seems I am a practicing 'Discordian' - go figure. . .* All in all, a sound and cogent explanation of reality. Where the mistake is made, is in using this theory in relation to numbers. While I readily agree that all of reality is nothing more than different configurations of energy and how an individual perceives those configurations, numbers do not fall under this - any energy related to numbers lies, solely, within the object it quantifies, separate from the number itself. Thus, while we 'perceive' numbers, there is no energy component to them and, in order for anything to be more than a concept, it must consist of energy that is then defined by an individuals perception of that energy. Numbers, simply, do not fit this criteria.

Read the link and found it interesting. It brought up a few things and I need to dust off some books. The story dealt with physics and long, LONG ago, Snypiuer went to college on a physics scholarship (no, I didn't graduate - long story). The piece itself actually is based on time not existing, so I need to look up a few things to form an opinion on the subject of numbers existing. Will TRY not to procrastinate too much and, as always, anyone else who wants to weigh in, can.

Have not forgot about this, just doing research to bolster my side! And I'm lazy and slow! Anyone else have an opinion on this?

Sounds like someone REALLY sucks! You know what doesn't suck? That's right, your poem!

I am going with: Time is nothing more than a concept we use to differentiate between infinite, exact moments in which everything in existence is fixed in a unique position. In other words, while time works to give us information on that which we observe, it, in and of itself, does not actually exist. Like numbers. Show me a 1. Not a representation of a 1. An actual THING that is a 1. There is no such thing. Yet, it's a concept that functions to give us information on AMOUNTS of that which we observe.

O.K., in the hopes that ANY sort of discussion will spark activity, we have begun a topic on Higher Minimum Wages which everyone is invited to join in. Feel free to add other topics. I am adding this one: Time, does it actually exist?

O.K., a lot of info! We do need to point out that Australia has a population of about 23 million with a total workforce of about 10 million, as opposed to the USA's population of over 300 million with a total workforce of about 160 million. One would think that a larger workforce would lead to a higher number of jobs. It does, but it also leads to a lower number of jobs per capita - there is only a certain amount of things that have to be made (manufacturing - the basis of all economies). When a product can be made and transported from a nation with a cheaper workforce, they will be - something you also mentioned. A mandated higher minimum wage within a much larger pool of workers that already exist in a lower per capita environment will thus produce greater negative effects. We also have to make the decision of whether or not a minimum wage job should be a life long career choice or a stepping stone to better employment and a safety net for individuals who, for one reason or another, need to take a minimum wage position. The fact is, most minimum wage jobs are unskilled, labor intensive, service, etc. type jobs. By making such jobs a viable career choice, through a mandated higher minimum wage, we promote the bare minimum of effort to better ones self through higher education. In a lower jobs per capita workforce, this is a very bad thing. If it is to be a stepping stone or safety net, a mandated higher minimum wage (once again, in a lower jobs per capita workforce) would make these jobs attractive to individuals who may not actually 'need' this type of employment and, thus, make it harder for those who do 'need' this type of job to obtain one. You stated (basically) that businesses that cut back on quality will eventually fail - have you heard of Walmart or IKEA? Just saying ! We also must remember that, even an unemployment rate of even 10% in Australia is about 1 million unemployed. In the USA, 1 million unemployed translates to a rate of less than .65%. Even if we were to have an unemployment rate of 5% with a higher mandated minimum wage, there would be about 8 million people unemployed. By keeping a moderate minimum wage and giving incentives for, rather than mandating a, higher minimum wage, we can actually increase the jobs per capita. Which, in a higher workforce environment, has a greater benefit. Oh yeah, I do not consider money that a government does NOT take from a company or individual a subsidy. If there wasn't a given company or individual to begin with, the government would not receive ANY money from it. A government can only GIVE what it TAKES from another, it produces and creates NOTHING. As long as the government does not actually transfer assets to a company or individual, there is no subsidy. By allowing a company to directly PAY a wider employed workforce, it, not only, lessens the need for the government to transfer wealth, it does it much more efficiently, effectively, cost effectively and with greater benefits. Finally, even though Australia has, both, a higher jobs per capita and lower unemployment rate than the USA, Australia still has a higher cost of living. One must wonder if the higher minimum wage has something to do with this.

I'm going with, while a high minimum wage has many benefits, it would be more beneficial if it were incentivize rather than mandated. When it is mandated, the only way to enforce it is by penalizing those who do not meet it. this brings about several negatives. First, employers will make up for the increase in wages by either cutting manpower (which may lead to higher unemployment), attempting to increase production, using cheaper materials (both of which may lead to lower quality) or increasing the price of their product (higher prices may, eventually, erase any benefit to a higher wage) - very few employers are altruistic enough to take a cut in their own bottom line. Employers will also be less likely to give applicants with little to no experience a chance, as long as there are applicants that they would have hired at the higher wage anyways. This means less opportunity for on the job training. Now, take incentivizing. Say the government were to allow a company to lower its' over all tax liability by 1% for every WHOLE dollar (99.99999... cents is NOT a dollar) above a MODEST minimum wage that it pays its lowest paid employee an hour - up to, say, 5% (A minimum wage of $5 per hour would mean $10 an hour to receive the full 5% deduction). This would allow small businesses to meet a payroll at the modest minimum wage and provide a first job experience for people who could then move on to better paying jobs. Medium sized companies could offer anywhere from $1 to the full $5 above minimum, depending on what works for them, while bigger companies would most likely take the maximum deduction by having a base pay of $5 above minimum wage. By allowing a business to offset a higher minimum wage through deductions from it's overall tax liability, it lessens the likelihood of the previously mentioned negatives. Will there be businesses that take advantage and still cut workers, product quality, etc.? Yes. But, if we allow them to fail when their business practices bite them in the rear, other businesses will be more able to take over when they do (fail).

O.K., Hjolnai posed the question: I wonder what the flow-on effects are of having a high minimum wage. Australia's is very high and our unemployment rate isn't bad, but that doesn't mean the same would work anywhere else. Discuss!

This is one of those 'Snypiuer has NO clue what to do' situations! I received a copy and so did others. I e-mailed Patrick (will someone PLEASE buy the man a greasy chili-cheeseburger!? He really deserves it for all the help he gives me!) to see if he knows exactly what to do.

Day 7 Location: Inside an adult 'novelty' and video store. After surviving days 4 and 5 on edible underwear, flavored 'massage' oils and a case of Red Bull found in the storage room they were barricaded in, Snypiuer and his group spent day 6: killing, clearing and securing the rest of the store. After finding an UNBELIEVABLY vast horde of wet wipes and hand sanitizer, a freshly cleansed group finds themselves, on the 7th day, attempting to come up with a plan. Snypiuer: THAT. . . is a lot of wet wipes and hand sanitizer! Pith: There's so much left, that if we had enough to eat and drink, we'd NEVER again have to take a conventional bath as long as we lived! Mr Moog: I wonder WHY there's so much!? Sil: I do NOT want to know! Snypiuer: Right. . . SO, we have 2 vending machines, from out front, blocking the doors. There's our food and drink for a while. What now? Mr Moog: What now? What NOW!? For the LOVE of Sweet Petunia! All of them (including Snypiuer - finally) remove their hats, place them over their hearts and bow their heads solemnly ** It is a mystery as to WHO Sweet Petunia is and even less is known as to WHY this group reveres her so. Suffice it to say, "Woe unto those who do NOT show the proper respect when she is mentioned within earshot of any of them." ** Mr Moog: NOW you want our advice! O.K., O.K., here's some advice: Don't go to a planet overrun by VIRULENT RAGE ZOMBIES! Or, or, how about this: If you ARE stupid enough to go to a planet overrun by virulent rage zombies, PAY WHATEVER FEES YOU HAVE TO SO THAT YOU DON'T GET EVERYONE STUCK IN A BAD B-MOVIE HORROR FLICK!!! Snypiuer: I have the feeling. . . somethings bothering you. Mr Moog: Sil. . . Pith (Putting his hand on hers to keep her from pulling out her sword): No. Let's see if there is any news on. He turns on the news to find a picture of a deer playing with butterflies accompanied by a Muzak version of 'The Girl from Ipanema'. Sil (To herself, under her breath and bouncing her head side to side): Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking and when she passes, each one she passes goes, "Aaah!" Everyone stares at her in shocked silence. Sil (noticing them): WHAT!? Snypiuer/Pith/Mr Moog (Talking over each other): Huh!? What!? Nothing! I was! He! Ughhh! Nice! With the! Look! . . . and THAT'S how I got a rash! Awkward silence - accompanied by panting. Pith (Noticing the panting): Oh yeah! Hey you, what's your name? Dog (Tongue hanging out, blank, stupid look on his face as he looks from one to the other): pant, pant, pant Pith: Dog! What's your name!? Dog: I am dog! Pith: Yes, but, what is your name!? Dog: I am dog! Pith: O.K., are there other dogs where you're from? Dog: Yes! There are lots of dogs! Pith: And what are their names? Dog: There is dog and dog and dog and dog and dog and. . . Pith: O.K., I get it. One question. . . dog. WHY talking dogs? Dog: It was Masters' idea! Zombies do not bother dogs! They ignore dogs and dogs can NOT become zombies! So Master gave us collars to talk! We talk and zombies think there is a human and follow our voice! We lead them away so humans can be safe! Sil: Wait a minute. . . are you telling us. . . you could have lead them away and we wouldn't have had to RISK OUR LIVES KILLING THEM!? Dog (Tongue out, stupid look): Yes! Sil (Pith restraining her): Then why DIDN'T YOU!? Dog: Because Master didn't tell me to! And we only do what Master tells us! Right Master! He says this and turns and looks directly at Snypiuer. Sil, Pith and Mr Moog glare at Snypiuer. Snypiuer (Nervously backing away): Ha ha! Funny story. . .

:zombie: :zombie: :zombie: :zombie: The picture of the deer playing with butterflies remains and is accompanied by a continuous loop Muzak version of 'The Girl from Ipanema'. :zombie: :zombie: :zombie: :zombie:

Day 3 Location: Undisclosed (for the dignity of, MOST, of those within) Snypiuer and his companions are holed up in a barricaded room. Mr Moog: A PORN SHOP!? (O.K., it's no longer 'Undisclosed') Snypiuer: Hey! I was running! I saw a door and took it! You didn't HAVE to follow me! Pith (To Mr Moog): He's got you there. Sil: Yeah. We COULD have stayed outside. Mr Moog (Sarcastically): With the zombies? Sil: Never said it was a GOOD option. Mr Moog (To Snypiuer): What are we going to eat? Or drink? There's so many of them out there, WHATEVER it is about them that makes them immune to magic has affected ALL magic. We can't even get the most basic spells to work! Pith: I was wondering something. WHY did magic work to get us there, WHILE we were there AND to get us back? Mr Moog/Sil (Both look at each other with a look of realization and turn to Snypiuer): YEAH! Snypiuer (Condescending and dismissive): I told you, nuances. . . rules. . . PROCEDURES! Beyond mere mortals comprehension. Mr Moog: Give it a try. Snypiuer: Look. It has to do with: Licensing. Copyrights. Distribution rights. Creative and intellectual property laws. Trademark infringement. There is a MULTITUDE of forces at work here! Sil (Hanging her head): Oh. . . CRAP! Pith (To Sil): No. Wait for it! Moog's about to figure it out! Mr Moog stares blankly at Snypiuer, a look of horror on his face. Mr Moog (Quietly): This is about. . . money. . . isn't it!? Pith: BINGO! Sil: We've got a WINNER! Pith: Good ol' Moog. . . he's a bit slow on the uptake now and again. . . Sil: But when the legendary. . . NAY! No less than Mythical Turtle of Realization comes a callin. Pith: He gets the dumb smacked right out of him! Snypiuer: Why, what ever do you mean? Mr Moog: MONEY! This has all happened because YOU didn't want to pay SOMETHING! Snypiuer (After a brief stare down): You have any idea how much licensing fees are? NOT to mention the fees you gotta pay some lawyer!? CROOKS! They're all crooks and THIEVES, I tell you! Mr Moog: We're going to DIE you imbecilic TIGHTWAD! Snypiuer (With a dismissive snort): I'M not gonna die! Pith: Not on my menu. Sil: Imma planning not to. Mr Moog (To all of them): Oh REALLY? What ARE you going to do? We CAN'T use magic. The alley is FULL of zombies. We're STUCK in a back room of a PORN store with NOTHING to eat OR drink and the front of the store is FILLED WITH ZOMBIE PERVS! Sil (Nonchalantly): Yeah, but most of the PERV zombies are stumbling around with their pants around their ankles. Pith: Not REALLY a plus, but makes them easier to kill. Snypiuer: And there's GOTTA be some edible underwear and organic lubricants of some sort we can eat and drink 'till things quiet down. Snypiuers' three companions stare at him for a looong moment. . . and he stares back with a COMPLETELY blank look. Sil (Pulling out her sword): I'm gonna kill him. Pith (Restraining her): Now Sil, you've kept it together this long and, sadly, you HAVE to admit this isn't the worse, or even the STUPIDEST, mess he's gotten us into. Snypiuer is GENUINELY taken aback. Sil; Please!? How's about I just hurt him REALLL bad like!? Pith: No. Sil (Sheathing her sword): He better watch his back! I'm just SAYING! Mr Moog: You don't have to worry, when everyone, well, everyone who SURVIVES finds out WHO is to blame, he'll get his! Snypiuer (With a self-satisfied air): No problemo, my tiny little friends! I've got THAT covered! Mr Moog: Really? Snypiuer: Yup, gots' me an in at the News station with standing orders to cover me in case of any emergency befalling the Keep! I'm good to go! Sil: Please let me kill him! Pith: No. Mr Moog: Oh, and what about EVERYONE else in the Keep!? Snypiuer (With an innocent, contemplative look): Yeah. . . I wonder what's going on with them!?

NO!!! Just because you left 1 or 2 squares of toilet paper on the roll, does NOT mean you don't have to put a new roll in the toilet paper roll holder! ESPECIALLY if you grabbed a new roll, used it, then set it on top of the old roll in the holder! (SEE ABOVE FOR PAPER TOWELS!!!) NO!!! Just because you left 1 or 2 drinks/bites in, WHATEVER carton/container, does NOT mean you should put it back in the refrigerator! Put it in a SMALLER container or, better yet, FINISH it and throw the carton/container away! YES!!! ANYONE can add to this!!!

Anchorman: Hi everyone! We have some breaking news: For the first time in untold generations, we have the opportunity to see the fabled 'Running of the F.O.N.G.W.A.L.O.H'! We go to our man on the scene. . . Street Reporter: (In hushed tones) That's right, we are here at an undisclosed location where, if we're lucky, we will see the 'Running of the Fat Old Nekkid Guys With A Lot Of Hair', better known as the 'Running of the Fongwaloh'. We. . . (in a whisper) wait. . . (ducking behind some crates, with an excited whisper) yes! We can see, what must be, the leader of the Fongwaloh, timidly emerging from their lair. We see the bald head of an old man cautiously poke from a doorway and carefully scan the area. Street Reporter: (In even softer and more excited whispers) As we all know, the Fongwaloh are very easily startled. So we must be as quiet as possible. The head Fongwaloh slowly makes his way out to the street. He looks around, sniffs the air, finally relaxes and begins stretching. Seeing their leaders' confidence, the rest of the Fongwaloh emerge and begin their preparations along with him. Some jogging in place while others did jumping jacks and stretching exercises. Street Reporter: (In his excited whisper) This is truly a remarkable sight to see! There must be, at least, 3 score, even more! NONE of the legends have prepared us for so many! Look at the leaders proud belly jiggle. . . and his wondrous, full body, covering of hair! And we can finally confirm that, yes they ARE completely covered with hair, EXCEPT for their magnificent heads that have a horseshoe of hair framing their glossy tops and shiny foreheads! Wait, I believe it's about to begin! The sound of bellies flopping up and down mingle with the sound of many feet slapping in rhythm as they all begin to run in place and orient themselves in the same direction. As they all fall in behind their leader, they slowly begin to move down the street and pick up speed. Street Reporter: (Whispering to his cameraman) Quick! Let's follow them! They begin to follow, when there seems to be a disturbance with the Fongwaloh. Street Reporter: (Giving up all attempts to stay unnoticed) Wait! There seems to be something happening! Anchorman: What is it? Can you describe what is happening? Street Reporter: It looks like the Fongwaloh have been confronted by. . . I can't really tell. . . it looks like. . . YES! The Fongwaloh herd has come across a mob of filthy hippies! As we all know, filthy hippies are violent and oppressive in the name of peace and tolerance! SO, it's no surprise that they have, thus, brutally attacked the Fongwaloh without provocation! But, the Fongwaloh are, definitely, NOT defenseless! Listen to their mighty roars as they use their bellies to pummel the mob of filthy hippies! The sound of bellies smacking against unwashed bodies fill the air as bellows of rage emit from the Fongwaloh. Street Reporter: (Choked-up with emotion) This is a tragedy! Who knows when, or even IF, we'll have another opportunity to witness the 'Running of the Fongwaloh', not only, in our lifetime, but EVER again! Those filthy hippies! Oh the huma. . . Anchor: (Cutting the Street Reporter off) Sorry for the interruption, but this just in: Reports are coming in from several areas within the Keep of the Pen is Mightier than the Sword, that. . . (looking off camera) is this correct!? (Back at camera) There are reports that. . . Virulent, Rage Zombies. . . are loose within the Keep. Authorities advise EVERYONE to barricade themselves in a safe place, with enough food and water for an extremely prolonged period. Authorities have released a statement stating that, these are not, repeat, these are NOT the zombies we are accustomed to. They are, not only, immune to magic, but they are contagious. Do not, repeat, do NOT attempt to 'save' ANYONE who has been bitten. If you encounter an infected individual, the only way to stop them is to physically destroy their brain - authorities recommend a heavy blunt object or high powered projectile of some sort. Furthermore, these zombies are VERY hard to distinguish from filthy hippies. This is actually a good thing, since most people ALREADY avoid filthy hippies. Finally, the authorities, not only, want to assure the public that they are doing everything possible to remedy and contain this situation, but also that Snypiuer has NOTHING, what so ever, to do with this. . . huh. . . (speaking to someone off camera) so, in other words, Snypiuer did something stupid. . . AGAIN. . . and WE have to suffer for it? Off Camera Voice: Looks that way to me! Sportscaster: That's what I'm thinking! Weather Girl: (With a COMPLETELY vacant look) But, the report said Mr. Snypiuer DOESN'T have anything to do with it!? Anchorman: (Filled with compassion) Awww. . . bless your heart. . . you poor thing, you're going to be one of the first to go! Weather Girl: (Bright eyed and exuberant) YAY! I'm going to be first! (Claps excitedly) Sportscaster: Wait a minute, I ran into a bunch of filthy hippies outside. When I asked them what they were protesting, they just yelled gibberish and attacked me. Sine they didn't know WHAT they were protesting, I figured they were just more 'Occupy' protesters - one of them bit me! Several Audience Members: Hey! Me too! I got bit by a filthy hippy! Are they hippies or zombies!? Am I going to die!? All hell breaks loose as the Sportscaster, as well as several audience members and a few of the production crew, start to go into convulsions. Anchorman: (To Weather Girl) Has ANYONE bitten you in the last. . . week!? Weather Girl: (Thinking. . . REALLL hard) Ummm. . . no! Anchorman: (Grabs the Weather Girl) LET'S GO! Chaos reigns as screams fill the air. We see the Anchorman flee with the Weather Girl, then the camera spins wildly, as if it's being used as a weapon. Finally, the camera falls to the ground and we see a ground level, sideways view of the cameraman being torn apart. . . when something heavy falls on the camera and the screen is filled with static. After a moment, soothing elevator music accompanies a picture of a deer playing with butterflies as a voice-over says, "We're sorry, but we are experiencing technical difficulties. You're program will resume momentarily." :zombie: :zombie: :zombie: :zombie:

Several Pennites are startled as Snypiuer and his companions come barreling out of a building (a building everyone believed was abandoned) yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! VIRULENT RAGE ZOMBIES ON THE LOOSE!!!" AS they, LITERALLY, run for their lives! Those who know Snypiuer. . . RUN!!!

Day 1 Location: Ground Zero We happen upon Snypiuer frantically attempting to keep a door shut. Hands, arms and other assorted limbs stick between the door and the door frame - SEVERLY hindering Snypiuer in his previously stated endeavor. Something that may or may not be a dog SEEMS to be trying to help him, Pith and Sil (two of his squirrel companions) have a casual conversation and give a running commentary on what is happening while Mr Moog (the final member of Snypiuers' trio of squirrel companions) berates Snypiuer. (Piths' and Sils' conversations take place at the same time as Snypiuers' and Mr Moogs') Snypiuer (breathless from his exertion): You know, this would be a LOT easier if you HELPED! Mr Moog: Really? It isn't enough that this is ALL your fault!? Pith (off to the side - to Sil): That. . . is the UGLIEST. . . THING?. . . I have EVER seen. Sil: Yeahhh. . . what. . . IS it!? Pith: Boss SAYS it's a dog. Sil: Really!? I do NOT see that. . . The object of their discussion is the creature that SEEMS to be trying to help Snypiuer. Picture, if you will, a creature a little smaller than the size of your average Labrador Retriever. Now, place upon this creature: 1. The head and shoulders of a Bulldog (Yes, the cartoonish size will suffice), but with a nose that is not quite long enough to be a proper snout, yet definitely NOT a pug type nose. Oh yeah, make the nose about twice as wide as it should be and bigger at the tip. 2. Torso and haunches of a Mastiff. 3. Tail of a Pug. 4. Legs of a Dachshund. 5. Paws of a St. Bernard. 6. Ears of a Basset Hound. 7. Jowls of a Blood Hound. 8. A tongue OBVIOUSLY too big for his head. 9. Extremely short, thick jet-black fur with ochre highlights. 10. The skin of a Shar-Pei. Actually, the skin of a Shar-Pei almost 3 times bigger than this wretched creature. 11. A shock of hair that sprouts from the top of his head that looks like it was the fur of a white and silver/grey Sheepdog - ALL the fur from a Sheepdog. 12. If you could see past the shock of hair hanging down over them, eyes that are FAR bigger than ANY living creature should have - but they are SOOOOOO CUTE!!! 13. Add to this, the temperment of a six year old on meth and LOVES EVERYONE! Meanwhile: Snypiuer: Hey! There's PLENTY of room for blame to go around! Mr Moog: WHAT!? Who was it that said, (puts his hat on sideways at an angle, makes the GOOFIEST face he can and says in the DUMBEST voice he can do) "Duh'huh. . . Hey guys! Let's go to this planet I just found in another reality. . . IT'S OVERRUN WITH VIRULENT, RAGE ZOMBIES!!!" Pith/Sil (noticing Mr Moogs' impression): (Accompanied by golf claps) Spot on! Bravo! Precisely how I remember it! It's as if I was THERE! (Indeed, if it WERE possible to go back in time and witness this exchange, you would be ASTOUNDED by how accurate Mr Moog portrays it) Snypiuer (Giving Pith and Sil a look): I didn't. . . Mr Moog (cutting him off): AND what did I say!? Snypiuer: (Blank stare) Mr Moog: I said, "For the LOVE of Sweet Petunia" (Pith, Sil and Mr Moog all remove their hats, place them over their hearts and bow their heads solemnly. Snypiuer tries to, but every time he reaches for his hat, the door starts to open, at which point he has to redouble his efforts to keep it closed. He tries about four times before he gives up - as his three companions just look with sad, disappointed expressions at him as they just shake their heads slowly) Snypiuer: I'LL DO IT LATER! Mr Moog: For the love. . . yada yada, WHY would ANYONE want to go to a planet overrun by VIRULENT, RAGE ZOMBIES!? To which you replied. . . Snypiuer: Because they have talking dogs there. Mr Moog: What was that? Didn't quite hear you. . . Snypiuer: Because they have. . . Mr Moog (cuts him off): BECAUSE THEY HAVE TALKING DOGS THERE! Pith (to the dog): Hey! What are you!? Dog (as if he's noticed the squirrels for the first time); SQUIRREL! (Freezes in place staring at Pith and Sil) Pith: Yeah. It's not like we've gone anywhere. Yet, you're continually AMAZED to see us. Sil (pulling her sword from it's sheath): Do that 'Squirrel' thing again. . . please. Pith (As the dog tries to hide between Snypiuer and the door - ALMOST causing Snypiuer to lose his battle to keep it closed): What, EXACTLY, are you? Dog: I am a dog! And you are a squirrel! (He is about to do the 'Squirrel!' thing again, but a quick look at Sil stops him) You are the TALLEST squirrel I have ever seen! And he (looking at Mr Moog) is the FATTEST! And you (to Sil) are the MEANEST squirrel I have ever seen! It was NOT nice of you to hit me with your pointy, metal stick, not nice at ALL! You are not a nice squirrel, not a nice squirrel at ALL! Sil: You tried to eat me. Dog: I. . . Mr Moog: You could have MADE your own talking dog! Heck, you made us! We were just three happy squirrels that kept surviving every STUPID suicide mission you sent us on, 'till you 'evolved' us! Snypiuer: I told you, it's NOT the same! When you 'evolve' an animal, it changes them. They're no longer the same as what they were. They lose their 'essence'. Mr Moog: Yeah, we KNOW! But this, THING (walks over to the dog right as Sil finishes saying, "You tried to eat me." and grabs him by the collar to drag him in front of Snypiuer), isn't even a TALKING DOG! I don't even think it's a dog! It's a collar! Technology! You could have got that 'Professor' to make one! Snypiuer: He's mad at me. Mr Moog: Really!? Who would have thought causing someones' entire universe to fall into a catastrophic, entropic implosion would make them MAD AT YOU!? (A story for another time) Snypiuer: Look, there's a LOT of nuances involved here. Suffice it to say, if I wanted a talking dog, this was my ONLY OPTION! Mr Moog: FINE! Then why don't you just go into Demi-God mode and FIX THIS!? Pith (to Sil): 20 geld he comes up with some stupid reason why he can't and WE have to suffer for it. Sil: Do I look stupid enough to take that bet? Snypiuer (with an air of superiority): There are rules and procedures, FAR beyond the ability of mere mortals to understand, at play here. Mr Moog: What do the rules say about ripping holes in reality, let alone BETWEEN realities, in the first place!? Snypiuer: There are loopholes. . . Pith (to Sil): 50 geld there's no loophole to HELP us. Sil (not even looking at him): Insult my intelligence again, and you'll get an up close and personal tour of that dogs' intestinal tract by way of the exit. Mr Moog: Well, FIND a loophole for this! Snypiuer: Look, this CLEARLY falls under the Romero rule. You'd have a better shot of getting around the Asimov Laws! Mr Moog: What does that mean!? Snypiuer: Gotta PHYSICALLY destroy their brain to kill them, magic does NOT work. Mr Moog: What!? Snypiuer: Look, you got a problem with it, YOU go up against a studio lawyer! Pith/Sil/Mr Moog: WAIT! You mean? Hollyw. . . Snypiuer: Yeah! Pith/Sil/Mr Moog: We are sca REW ded! Snypiuer: Umm, guys? I REALLY think it's time to run!

Ummm. . . controled chaos behind the scenes! Account was suspended because the idiot in charge of making the payment had no idea what he was doing (HEY! I resemble that remark!), but it was finally figured out. There was a change in IPS pay structure, so we're working on some things. More than enough money for now. Will update if and when decisions are made. Keep checking in!