Ayshela

(giggle) very good!!!

Three comments, two of which have to do with the first line: in the midst - of what?? of the crowd? of the mist? of a field of heather? of a broken civilization? in the midst of what? somewhat confusing, as it sounds much like everyone is under an imminent death sentence. and yet, perhaps that's what you intended?? As for the rest - the only thing wrong with it is that it ended much too soon. i *especially* like this:

....ghost writer.... GROOOOAAAANNNNNN...

oh me, oh my.. to fully explain the different types, the syllabic structures, and the different types of rhymes would take quite a bit of time. I may break it into bits and post some of it, but for an immediate answer to your not-at-all-stupid question: rhyme schemes are often described as aabb or abab, etc, to (believe it or not) more *clearly* illustrate which lines rhyme with which. In an aabb structure you have rhymed couplets, where the end word of each two lines rhymes such as a simple verse like this which rhymes again unless amiss and the next two lines would rhyme with each other, etc. In an abab structure alternating lines rhyme, the first and third lines rhyme with each other, the second and fourth with each other. Most simply put, the letters symbolize lines of poetry, and wherever the letters are the same the lines rhyme.

One question about the way things work in the Writer's Workshop, if i may? When i became an Initiate and the Passageway was opened to me, i did read The Rules in the Writer's Workshop, but there was nothing there i felt qualified to comment on so the recommended way to comment slid past me as not applicable at that moment in time. The other day i went to leave a comment and my son pointed this out in the rules: yet everyone has been leaving comments on the threads themselves in the writer's workshop, as anywhere else i've seen. Which is correct?

Ayshela shakes Celiwyn's hand, heart touched by her words and smiling in thanks.

the only thing i question is in the beginning, you opened the screen door and went through. As a ghost, how would you do that? Beyond that, very detailed, clearly seen. Nicely done.

i'm a mere newcomer to the scene here, but may i extend a welcome as well?

YES! that's one of the reasons i don't usually use pencils, the tips break or they become dull and the pencil sharpeners are far more likely to eat them than to sharpen them. Though i have gotten rather fond of my battery powered pencil sharpener. The kids like it too, as evidenced by the fact that it keeps wandering away from my desk.

nor THAT sounds like the kids' dad! a smeary pen may make recognizable chicken tracks out of an otherwise unintelligible scribble? personally, i do prefer Pilot or Uni-Ball pens, though they don't come in the colours i prefer, so i have reconciled myself to the compromise. The brand and style of pen i prefer when filling in forms and other official writings, and the colours of pens i prefer when writing is less formal or personal character is allowed to peek through. And in those cases - perhaps i am that old, as while i don't wear purple i do prefer purple ink. Perhaps a rewrite of the original is in order?

for that kind of money, one would hope so!

uhmmmmmm because maybe if we can write with the same pens as the great writers amongst us, we'll write as well as they do? i don't know.

(grabs Almond M&M's out of the air)

heyheyhey... i'm not *that* old!!! well, just because my oldest is probably about your age...

it does wander in circles a bit, but so does her mind, so that actually is deliberate.

Lying beside you, my head on your chest, I feel desirable - like a dishrag, limp with use. Lying beside you, curled under your arm, I feel sheltered - like a mouse in a wind tunnel. Lying beside you, tucked safe in your bed, I feel wanted - like an elephant, white and pristine.

I stand deep in the shadows, where I belong. My kind must never see the light of day. The daylight dwellers laugh and mock at me, should their eyes ever chance to fall my way. A creature of the dark is all I am, yet I was born to be much more than this. My scarred, disfigured face appalls them all. Not one will see the soul behind the scars. Now I must hide in darkness all my days, as they forget that I was one of them. My lot now is to serve the mindless horde, concealed as sunlight fills their twisted souls.

LOL (ahem) very informative, Brute! i fear i must request additional information, however. Do you recommend roleplaying a dark elf similarly to a "standard" elf or more as an "unclean" being?

nice. i didn't notice any faltering rythms, myself??? my only question would be, specifically why the tears?

*giggle* (edited because i forgot you can't use the pointy brackets)

my shirt pocket has clipped in it: black Pilot G-2 silver barreled ballpoint, unknown maker, everyone where my mom works got them and she gave me hers, currently has a Cross blue refill in it. sparkly green gel pen, maker unknown Gel Grip dark purple gel pen i usually use the purple.

Very short, one of those strange things i had to write. If this is not where it belongs, will some kind soul please move it as appropriate? Alishon’s Dilemma She sat alone at the coffee shop table turning a letter in her hands. Though she seemed to be staring at the paper, her green eyes seemed to be focused on something beyond it. Echoing through her mind, the phrase brought ripples of discomfort. “If you should win ten million dollars in a lottery, you could hire experts to delve into the truth and sue wrongdoers, letting off anyone who admitted the truth.” “Perhaps i could,” she thought. “But even if i could, should i? They don’t want to confess to what they did to me any more than i wanted them to do it. If they need to confess then what they did was wrong. So wouldn’t it be just as wrong to make them confess? Wouldn’t it be just as wrong to threaten to destroy them, destroy their lives, if they don’t do what i want? Where is the fundamental difference?” Recalling the times she’d argued that very point with her best friend, she remembered him calling them evil. Evil. The word had a bitter taste as it rolled around her mouth. “But that’s what they said about me, too. The only one i ever had a hope of making a case against was my brother, and i tried. They all stood there in court and called me a liar, and worse. They said i was evil, that i only wanted to hurt them, that i was bad and never cared about anyone else. And under oath, so it must be true.” With a sad little grimace, she mumbled “Not such a fool as to try it again.” Clutching the letter tightly, she thought “If I’m evil, it was not because i wanted to be. God knows I’ve tried not to be. Yet perhaps they’re right. Perhaps everything i do is wrong because I’m evil, and evil can do no good. Though if i try to do good i can minimize the bad effects. If i set out to frighten, isn’t that bad? If i set out to do bad deliberately there can be no good, there can be no minimizing effects. If i set out to deliberately hurt or frighten another am i not as bad as those who hurt me? If i am as bad as they, why would i hunt them down to make them confess?” “I don’t want to be like them, though my family says I’m worse. I am bad, so can’t truly do good, but to treat them as they treated me would make me fully evil, wouldn’t it?” With a tear silently sliding down her face, she mumbled “I don’t want to be.” Realizing the letter is now crumpled in her hands, she smoothes it out slowly and resolves her dilemma the only way she knows. Taking the address from the letter, she writes back to the gentleman who sent the ripples through her soul to begin with. Addressing a clean sheet of paper, she asks the only question which still makes sense: WHY?

Madoka - i do know what you mean. i don't believe i've ever written anything i was truly happy with, merely some i disliked less than others. in the FWIW department, however, i do like what you wrote. Perendhil - very true. very true. i wonder why that is?

Okay, i'm awake now, and the percentage of blood in my coffee stream is back down to normal. Now that my brain is working again... RE: the seige - i don't think we really *need* a lot of detailed information about how that battle goes, though there are a few aspects left untouched. As i understand it, in a seige the most basic strategy is to surround the city and cut off all supplies, starving them out. If there is no incoming food, medical supplies, weaponry/supplies, the defenders will weaken and eventually lose the city. That is more complicated in a situation heavy with magic. We've seen concerns about holding the people's tempers/nerves in check for months when the seige may last many years. Yet we've seen no concern about food supplies. Is that because there are large reserves within the walls? Is someone skilled in a form of magic will conjure food for the people? How about weaponry? The men on the wall have been told not to waste their arrows. Good advice in any situation, yet how much more so in a seige? Once the arrows are gone, is that final? Or is there a mage within the walls who can magically provide arrows for the defenders? *Is* the city self-sufficient? Or is there a weakness which a seige can exploit to good effect? RE: the duel - very well written. i found myself being somewhat surprised that Donaxen didn't have a way to deflect the sniper attack. Such action on his part would have been inarguable proof that the attack was not of his doing, and that he *is* an honourable man. i'd LOVE to be a fly on the wall when he has it out with that dishonourable, sniping, yellow bellied, son of a wart-hog mage, AND when he returns him to Ma'Aten. Should we be finding it significant that Ma'Aten's "best" *is* dishonourable and treacherous? and finally - okay, okay, yes you're a genius. now can we have the next installment? (giggle)

/agree what a hoot!! lie big, and lie fast, eh? love it!