Ayshela

whilst flipping through my hefty e-mail archives, i found this in a conversation from back in May. i wasn't *trying* for poetry, it's just the way the thoughts came out, but in looking it back over - i think i kinda like it. Since it's been a while since i've had time to post much here, here's an "ice breaker" of sorts. ~~~ The doors of fate have slammed themselves before me as my deepest heart believed that they would do hope is but a fairy tale for children and those whose breathing needs to find excuse for reason there is none, or nearly so and yet i must find strength to try again, to gather shards of heart and soul and go and try, and try, and try once more and then when nothing's left, all avenues exhausted to find one more resource to bring to light, a harbor that my children not be tossed to death amongst my shadows, without sight of those who have a care for their well-being - by will alone to guard their own life's meaning.

*hugs* breathe, Damon, breathe! with all the RL demands about, that can be a difficult thing to remember. There's been quite a bit of that going around this summer, i've noticed. Perhaps it stands out to me more than it would otherwise, as i've been one of the often-missing myself with our recent move. i think if all of us who've had Real Life interfere with our Pen time started apologizing here, the board would be flooded! *hugs* it's okay. We miss you, but do understand that RL comes first. We'll see you when you get back, and in the interim hope that all is going well for you.

hah! i love it! AIM away messages can be some of the best/most entertaining reading going.. LOL

EEEEK! i'm sorry! that was nowhere even close to what i intended, i'm so sorry! looks frantically about for her eraser to delete her post

uhhhhmmm, no? i'm a relative newcomer here, but glad to see you anyway. Hope you can find your sig.

Very true to the real life reality of domestic violence. nicely done. in the sense of "a little polish" as has been mentioned, i'll make a few minor grammar and spelling corrections and suggestions below, mine in red. Too many tears ive (i've) cried for you To (Too) much crap you put me through "Why?" The voice asks inside my head I look at myself and more tears i shead.(shed) "Look what you did to yourself!". (do you need the period after the quote? i don't think so) the voices screams (voices scream, or voice screams) Its true i did this to myself but i did not mean (This seems rushed and a bit incomplete, as well as the acceptance of full responsibility being at odds with the surrounding statements of what the other party did. perhaps something like I did this to myself, or so it seems You ripped out my heart and stood on it Just like all the others, you hit Beat me to a bloody pulp I cryd (cried) but came back asking for more Each time i forgave you Im (I'm) stupid(,) its true But this is the price i pay for love "Maybe its (it's) me?", (a) quiet voice says I think and go through the day thinking its (it's) me (i would delete "think and" and leave it at "I go through the day thinking it's me) He comes home and i fix him his tea I smile and say "its (it's) ok(,) ill (i'll) change" He looks at me with big angry eyes "Please dont (don't) hit me!", i beg But he hits and he hits until i fall and hit my head I get up and relise (realize) im (i'm) dead I know im (i'm) stupid I know its (it's) true But please do not let this be you (perhaps repeat this line for emphasis?) don't be concerned about the amount of red, it's mostly contractions. *hugs* You have an excellent poem here, i'm really looking forward to seeing it polished and shining.

i love this thank you for posting this. You've just put words to the condensed version of eight years of growing away from and emotionally separating from someone i cannot NOT speak to until the kids are all grown, if even then. all the wants and wishes still exist. You got it in one. Well done.

i love this, especially as i've moved myself from the place which has been home for seven years. Farewell would be the correct spelling i would probably have something more constructive to say were it not a matter to tied to my own heart right now. but for what it's worth, i do truly understand what you so clearly and beautifully say here.

runs through giggling madly, then dashes off to decapitate dandelions and assorted other such lawn-care things

*giggles madly* and they'll all think we really did, as it's been several days since i've had net access and will be probably a week before i can get back here.. Happy Friday to everyone!!! ~HUGS~ to everyone!!! i'll miss you madly while i'm moving! Ayshela wanders off thinking "i bet it's the boots.." *giggle*

Belated Happy Birthday, Yui! i hope you had a wonderful day, prelude to many more.

*hugs* to Vincent!!! i so thoroughly agree! This is a wonderful place inhabited by the most beautiful of people. The day i was dragged in here may well have been the best day of my life. Well said, and heartily seconded! Cheers to all you lovely people.

a very happy birthday to you!

a VERY happy birthday, Matteo! i hope it's great fun for you!

Very true! and fortunate is the person who realizes that long before their death bed.

mmm a slavish adherence to rhyme for rhyme's sake should, of course, be guarded against. yet some people work best within the structure of rhyme and meter, and for them, that is good. It's fortunate that there is no single right way, or best way, to write - else we'd all be writing the same things in our search for our personal best.

Ayshela dodges Xaious' steel toed boot with a quick jump backwards. Pointing down to her OWN steel toed boots (black, of course) she sticks her tongue out at Xaious, giggles softly, and hugs him anyway.

Ayshela catches the end of Peredhil's extremely long to-do list as it trails by her, just long enough to write "hug Ayshela" on the bottom of it so that she'll be certain to catch him on his next time through. Feeling a tug on the list, she releases it with a little giggle and turns to see who else is about for their Friday hugs. *giggle*

Happy Happy Birthday!!!

Ayshela trudges through the halls of The Pen, wearily awaiting the next scheduled disaster. But wait! Something has gone *right* for a brief time - it's FRIDAY again!!! Friday hugs for everyone!!! but.. umm.. don't tell anyone it's friday, k? They might try to cancel it.

YAY!!! a merry happy birthday to you, Arwen!

Little men (though he's not so little, at six feet tall) little women (though not little enough to not catch someone's eye) somehow the "mom i need"s never quite end, though i think my favorite is the "mom i need a hug" they're definitely worth every frustrating moment, and now that they've grown up enough to carry on reasonable conversations about important topics the challenges and rewards come faster. i wouldn't do it again in the same circumstances for anything, but i wouldn't undo it for anything either. Definintely a full page from a parent's day, Tattered. Nice.

Ayshela wanders through passing out party hats, party favours, and many hugs Happy Birthday, Vincent! hope it's wonderful for you!

LOL nope, nope, nope.. never have sun.. not ever.. that's why we have burn bans on and our fire crews are all creeping about on tippytoes in case something might cause a spark - up here in the moss belt..

simple but heartfelt. "ouch" and "why" echo clearly here. while i know the pain too well, i unfortunately don't have any answers. *hugs* Ayshela rummages about in the kitchen for a short time before appearing with a mug of cocoa for Arwen.