Alaeha

Did you really think there was any chance of that? They caught my birthday a week after I joined... *Rehugs*

*Hugs* Happy Birthday! ... I should say something more... but I don't know what. So... if you can think of anything that I should say, please pretend that I said it here: <Illusion>Your Text Here</Illusion>

Heh... Definite congratulations for the promotion... *Sighs* *Thinks* I'm too tall to huggle your knees, so... *Hugs*

Well... belatedly, Congratulations, and Happy Birthday! *Hugs*

I like this... But what's the bit with the last line? Pardon my ignorance, but it makes no sense to me. It seems a bit unclear. Only other suggestion I've got, really, is to capitalize and punctuate. It seems really good to me. *Hugs*

*Hugs* For what it's worth, I missed you as well. *Hugs again*

*Laughs* The two shortest books ever: Famous Jewish Astronauts. Ten Thousand Years of German Humor.

Back in the days that wooden ships sailed the seas, there was a British ship by the name of The Iron Fist. A few short days after leaving Britain, the crew awoke in the morning to the cry of the lookout. "Enemy ship on the horizon!" The captain turned to his ensign and said "Ensign, get me my red shirt." The ensign was puzzled by this order, of course, but rather than questioning his captain, he fetched the red shirt. They then proceeded to defeat the enemy ship, without too much difficulty. The next day, the lookout woke them again. "Two Enemy ships on the horizon!" Once again, the captain sent for his red shirt, and once again, they defeated the enemy ships without loss of life. That night, at dinner, the ensign asked his captain "Why is it that before battle, you always send for your red shirt?" The captain replied "It is so that if I'm wounded in battle, the blood will not show, and the crew will continue to fight." A member of the crew happened to hear this, and the word spread throughout the crew overnight. They were all impressed to have a brave, sensible captain. The next morning passed without incident, but that night as they sat down to dinner once again, the lookout screamed. "Ten enemy ships approaching!" The ensign turned to the captain, awaiting the usual orders. The captain looked at the ensign. "Ensign... get me my brown pants."

I've found that problem, as well, Peredhil... generally speaking, if I'm doing poorly, all of my closest friends are as well. And if they're doing poorly and I'm not... well... pretty soon I find myself so thoroughly involved in their situations, trying to help them out of it, that I'm doing poorly as well. So many people can't get up with a mere hand up... they need someone to push them up from underneath... And there are some levels that I just can't sink to. ... *Stops rambling* Happy Friday to All.

Dramatically changed? ... How about the choir trip on which I met someone who later became not only one of my best friends, but also, for a time, my "boyfriend"? It was through him that I met so many of my friends these days... or through friends I met through him. One of them directed me here back in february... And it was also meeting him that got me back into poetry. (Of course, he dumped me later... but I'd do it again) I'd say all of that combines to make a dramatic change... As for the control... I have control over my life inasmuch as the decisions are given to me. I can decide what, for example, I intend to major in, or even whether I'll go to my classes. I can't decide whether there will be job openings for people with my education later on, and I can't decide whether my grades are harmed by my absence... I'd say that I have more control over life than I used to... but no matter how much freedom is given to you, you can never choose the consequences of your actions. ... If that in any way answers the questions you actually asked...

I love it... this is the real reason that you should brush your teeth.

... interesting... It has a nice sense of rhythm to it... and it rhymes quite well. That one struck me a lot more than the rest did, for some reason. I like this. The repetition of the lines is a little odd, but it's still pretty good. Welcome to the Pen! *Hugs*

Welcome, then. It is a very like-able place... ... nothing else to say right now... my brain isn't working. *Hugs*

No thanks necessary... really... I enjoyed doing it. It was nice to be able to go through someone else's poem and suggest entire new lines or pairs of lines without feeling guilty about rewriting or "taking over" someone else's work. Glad to know that I could help with it...

I'm liking this... It has something of a webcomic feel to it. Perhaps that's because it's still in development, though. It doesn't seem to have any "showing", but only "telling"... which contributes to the aforementioned webcomic feel. It's a fun read...

*Debates with self* You don't want any poem I could write you. Birthday stuff is supposed to be happy. *Hugs* Have a good day, for what's left of it.

So this won't be very good... It really won't. This is a midget/short/vertically challenged story that I'm doing once through to get it out of my system, because I really don't want to spend more time than that on something that I got the urge to do while listening to Miseria Cantare (AFI). If I change anything, it'll probably be the names. Anyways... One of us "Jede... It's time." The Guide spoke softly. Soundlessly, Jede got her feet under her and stood. As they traveled the halls, her thoughts raced. It was time. If she could pass the test, she would finally learn their names... and their true purposes. They would finally allow her to wear the white robes of the Keepers. Somewhere deep in the back of her mind, something stirred at that thought, but she brushed it aside easily. They had warned her that her nightmares might make a final attempt at demoralizing her. But she would not fail the test now. She had spent years preparing. "Jede..." The Guide spoke again. "We're here." "Oh." Looking about, she saw that the Guide was correct. All five of the Keepers stood in a loose line before her, all smiling warmly. "Jede... We have been awaiting this day for many weeks." One said. "Are you certain that you are ready for this?" Another asked. "As certain as one can be." Jede hesitated. "I can promise only that I will do my best." "Very well then." Said the Guide, from behind her, as the Keepers fanned out around her. "This is the final test. If you can pass this test, the nightmares will never again trouble you." "Really?" Jede asked, turning to face him. "It is inherent in the nature of the test. You must renounce them once and for all. They will, of course, fight with you. As such things are wont to do, they'll lie to you, telling you that we are demons who want only to steal your soul, and such nonsense." said one of the Keepers from her right. "Oh." "Are you ready?" A voice came from her left. As darkness engulfed her, it seemed that a voice spoke once more. "Does it matter if she's ready?" * * * "I've always wondered this..." She told the figure before her. "I'm never going to speak with you again, so I'll ask now. Who am I? what am I?" "You are you. You are Jede." "That doesn't help me." "Then ask a better question. For example, you could ask who the Keepers are. Or how I know that they only want your soul, and all that 'nonsense'. Or you could ask who I am." "All right then. Who are you?" "I am Tori, or what's left of him. The real Tori died years back, when the Keepers killed him and kidnapped you." "They wouldn't do something like that..." "Oh, but they would. Haven't you ever felt that something was wrong with what they said?" "Of course. But then they explained it to me, and it made sense." A voice seeming to come from everywhere resonated throughout her mind. Remember the test. "You see? They don't want you to speak with me. They fear that you'll regain your senses." "I don't believe you. They told me that you would try to corrupt me." "Corrupt you? I haven't even" "No more!" She shouted. Waves of darkness engulfed the figure as she continued. "I'm done with you! I never knew you! Get out of my head!" With a howl of anguish, the creature collapsed to the ground, then disappeared. The darkness then leapt toward Jede. The world disappeared behind the haze of the agony which followed. * * * "Congratulations!" The Guide helped her up from the ground. "Now... who are you?" Jede demanded, a cold tone to her voice. "As you desired, you now wear the robes of a Keeper." Said a voice behind her. "My name is Shin." "And you may call me Morte" Said another. "I am Azreal" "Thea" "Kami" "Minos" "And you?" She turned to the Guide. "You may call me Charon." As he spoke, the white robes began to fade, becoming gray, then black. The Keepers spoke in unison with the Guide, surrounding Jede. "You are now one of us." The cold feeling swept through her once again, and she found herself speaking. "I am no one." The darkness from her nightmares appeared once again, forming around Charon. Like a flame of darkness, it sucked the heat and light from the room. Deep within herself, Jede felt something snap. But she couldn't remember. The Guide, Charon... he was... something. As the dark flame engulfed her for the final time, words echoed through her mind once more. "I'm done with you..." "I never knew you.

Of course, if you can live without the politeness, the Megatokyo forums are rather good... They have some good poets and the like there, in the creative writing section. But the critique is quite a bit harsher, most of the time. Particularly if your work is unstructured. Then Lyynxx will rip your throat out. Not sure if it qualifies as bigger... but it's different.

I love this... I was thinking along those lines just tonight. *Hugs* If I could make a suggestion... try breaking it up a bit. It's a really good read, but it gives me a bit of a headache trying to read such a huge chunk of text without any line breaks.

It would appear that she beat me to it. *Laughs* Ahh well. It doesn't matter, I guess. Anyways... Welcome to the boards!

Just go read the necessary information in the Recruiters hall. That tells you what you need to know, I think.

Welcome! This has a lot of potential... But I can see room for some work. The last stanza shows the most, to me... It's a bit rough. If I may suggest... With changes in bold: Time to decide: shall I still hate? My heart has died, Yet still I wait. Sorry... I'm big on syntax (Punctuation, spelling, etc). It's my opinion that you shouldn't leave people guessing as to how you're saying something, so that they can focus on deciding what you're saying. Just my opinions. Anyway, welcome!

That was the hardest line to get out, of the whole thing... I detest it. I almost threw the whole poem away because of it... I had a couple of alternatives... but none of them seemed to be any good. "When you've lost your pride," "When your hopes have died," I don't know... other suggestions?

... Odd... It might make more sense with more background. It's interesting... But it just seems a bit strange to me. Perhaps because you don't know who or what the characters actually are... Just my thoughts.

My first poem in quite a while that's not depressed and all that. So here we go... Lighthouse Burned into my heart and mind like black on white; like red on green. Your image lingers here, entwined by darker thoughts, yet somehow seen. We’ve come through trials... quite a few, and now we know each other well. Like tempered steel, you made it through. You picked me up each time I fell. You’ve been my lighthouse through this storm, and kept me going from afar. Like quilts and pillows, kept me warm when night had lost its final star. So... If you ever need a guide, or help when you can’t find your way, I’ll be there. When the signs have lied, I’ll help you leave that world of gray.