Katzaniel

I think we mostly all went the same place you did...

I'm gonna cross-post this, 'cause I'm not sure how many people still check out the Writer's Workshop regularly. Basically, I wrote a draft of a novel: It takes place in a high-magic, high-technology setting, and the basic premise is that the hero, Roshiana, and two others are sudden dropped into the middle of the dangerous wilderness. Not only must they get back home, but then they must discover both who put them there and what is causing the dangerous, paralyzing mist that has begun to cover the world. I am seeking feedback, if anybody is interested. I am not expecting anything, though, because novels are very, very long. http://patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?/topic/17354-novel-avatar-of-afearyn/

So, who's the next customer?

Hm. I had read this before (and liked it) but on re-reading, I noticed this: Doesn't seem right. Which is it? Pairs of headlights, or one lone pair? Or is the implication that they are very far apart?

I enjoyed the whole thing, but I must say, that title is fantastic.

The woman's eyes narrow at the tall man and then at the elf as she ponders her decision. "The Body Tree. I assume you will send a team to plant and care for it?" Without waiting for an answer, she nods sharply. "Very well. Dawn is approaching. I will come by tomorrow night to collect. You may all live." She promptly makes her exit. OOC: Good pitches, but the way I see it, many vampires already possess the ability to 1) enthrall people (the doubt lace) and 2) create new undead (the death art). Or maybe you meant that they would be functionally dead, but preserved... it seems an awful lot of trouble to go to, though, when it might also kill people she wants to keep alive. So yeah. The Body Tree sounds perfect.

I kind of thought I had already replied to this, already. I think I had a couple things I was going to say, but hadn't quite formulated the second and managed to forget about it. Now I can only remember this: The definition of magic as "things science doesn't yet have an explanation to" is something I can get behind. I definitely believe that there are things in this world that fall into that category! I think that Snypiuer's definition is the more common one, but science tends to be pretty grabby... scientists classify anything as science if it's repeatable, really, and once we get to the point where we can predict what might cause it to happen, we start to work on why. "Why" isn't critical to it being science. Personally, I expect that all things will eventually find their way to that point, and even to the point of knowing why. But I think that what Snypiuer is saying, is that we will reach a point where we definitively declare that certain things are not repeatable or predictable and therefore not science... right?... and so time will tell which of us is right. In the meantime, I'm content with "to each their own".

Much better in my opinion, though I'd be curious to know whether others agree. The only thing I could point out is the sentence: "Had anyone been around." For some reason, that stuck out for me. It broke the tone that the rest of it sets. I guess it just seems informal because it's so short? It seems to work just fine if I read it as part of the prior sentence instead of a new sentence, but I really couldn't tell you why that should do anything. Otherwise: Very nice!

Interesting. The imagery is fantastic. I feel like the repetition is overdone, though. Not all of it - much of it serves to reinforce what's gone before, which I assume is the intent. But certain ones (particularly when you begin a sentence with the phrase you just used to end the last sentence, I think) are distracting. The end is a little abrupt, too, but then I suppose that's probably the point.

A tall, pale woman glides into the room and narrows her eyes at the drunken youth until he stumbles out the door. Ever so slowly, she turns to face the presenters. She widens her cherry-red lips into a predatory grin. "Offer me a bargain, mortals, or dine with me tonight. Your choice."

OOC: I don't see why not. On another note, Snypiuer's pitch totally reminded me of Wyvern...

Now, Stick. As a frat boy, you don't have a lot of time for homework. Who does?! Girls, parties, beer; those are all you need from life. But teachers never seem to get that! You can't tell them the truth because they just aren't cool enough for the truth. What I have here for you today will solve that problem. I present to you: the Excuse Team. Not only are they great at handing out excuses that are sure to get the teachers to give you a pass, but they're also a party unto themselves! Brian never goes anywhere without filling up that keg, all the guys live with Chuck in his fantastic basement suite, and Sandy... well, you'll meet Sandy...

I think Marvel does that too, yeah. I haven't read through the GM's guide, but it's very similar to Fate, which I have. I think you're right, and this is part of the reason I don't entirely succumb to Fate's scene-by-scene style... it doesn't allow for the flexibility of having an arc and allowing the players to explore it, which is super fun. It takes an experienced/flexible GM to be able to sit down at the table and let their players do *anything* but I do tend to have a few "random-ish" encounters planned that I might throw in to slow a group down if they go in an unexpected direction, so that I can do a little more thinking after the session and before they arrive at their destination. Gaming groups tend to like combat, after all. But I learned the hard way about setting up a dungeon and just expecting the players to explore it for no good reason. In Fate, you can just sort of toss them in there and say, "This is what this episode is about"... but I don't think that means you should. Then again, Fate is really good about letting the players have a hand in what the world looks like, so it probably wouldn't happen like that. It works well if you have a skeleton of a world planned and a few partially sketched-out plans for episodes and you let the players guide you toward what they're interested in doing based on what they start to explore. But I don't any of that is relevant to single-authored story writing, unfortunately.

I'm not sure what Legendary is - it might cover that, but I happened to get it from Fate. I never thought much about "which scenes to include" until I started trying to organize a whole novel, and then suddenly it mattered a lot. So that's probably part of it. Totally agree about it being up to each individual. (Although certainly, if you're running a table top game and the players don't get a say, you'll hear it from them in other ways...) Oh, and there was something else I had wanted to mention about ordering: if the "start of the story" isn't obvious in terms of, "just before the main character embarks on his/her quest" or "just before the wizard shows up" or whatever, you might also consider "just before people start getting awesome" because it's nice to be able to witness the characters start in their natural environment and then learn through challenges to be better than they were before. Now I just have to figure out how to apply that to my next thing (which is already bubbling in my head).

My new motto with regards to the Pen is "Don't sweat it". You're around, and that's enough. New skins or new writing? Bonus.