reverie

Not too shabby. A little preachy in places. Stanza 8-11 seem a little over-reach. Only other comment was something someone told me a few years ago. "We all want to write the big idea, but if you focus in and develop the little things, they'll [the big ideas] will come through." rev...

eh change happens all the time. sometimes you can't see it 'til a few decades or so after the fact.

yes to the first one, Appy.

That's a good point. People end up crafting new standards of poetry all the time. When enough people imitate it, someone eventually decides to name it and bam! you got a new form or style. rev...

light.

Much embarrassment and anger can be avoided by simply asking the question: "What do you mean by that friend/mate?" Took me a long time to learn that one. rev...

Congrats as well. What's your degree in? Is BSc like Bachelor of Science? Welcome back.

You're right Parm. It's not really a sonnet. It's poem that been informed by a sonnet. I'm guessing it grew from Nyyrak's recollection of what the rhyme schemes of the English and or Spencerian sonnet looked like (though out of order) combined with how the two stanza's (Octet / Sextet) of an Italian sonnet usually behave. It's like a condensed mixture of all three. I never mentioned this because I thought Nyyrak was going for something like a broken or shattered sonnet: something that initially acts like a sonnet, but fails to complete the form for dramatic (or some other) effect. At any rate a traditional sonnet in English usually is written in iambic pentameter, follows some rhyme scheme that is tied to the narrative or lyrical progression of the poem's stanzas, and always has 14 lines. Modern one's pretty much can follow every rule or none at all of the traditional sonnet forms so long as they have 14 lines. The exception there being double, triple, or some other multiple of linked sonnets and or broken/shattered sonnets, which again aren't really sonnets at all, just informed by them. Here's a break down... or you can read up on it here: http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88/sonnet.html Nyyark's poem: 1 Sextet and a quatrain. Rhyme scheme: a b a b c c d e d e Petrarchan / Italian (Oldest common form of Sonnet used in English Lit.): 1 Octet followed by 1 sexstet Rhyme scheme: a b b a a b b a c d e c d e (Common Sextet variants: c d c c d c ; c d e d c e) Shakespearian or English: Rhyme scheme: a b a b c d c d e f e f g g ------ Spenserian Rhyme scheme: a b a b b c b c c d c d e e

eh, I think it works Q. Though, I'd nix the last line and just let it end on the "breathing" Or: Like it is the thing/one that is supposed to keep you breathing. It's a poem of reflection and causation (is that the right word?) Oh punctuation could improve it, maybe. And a few revised line breaks here and there, but it basically goes: Stanza 1 Persona reflects on Effect of physical change of her body. Explains change by recalling absent actions of/with friend. Stanza 2 Persona reflects on mental change... I.E. her bed feels comfortable again, but she rather it wasn't. Explains change as a result of change in friends actions / routines i.e. getting a new girlfriend. Stanza 3 Climax of the Poem. Persona confronts friend (in her mind at least) about the cause of the change in their friendship. Stanza 4 Acceptance of friend's actions (Though I agree it could be a little stronger) ---- Progression of the Cigarette in the last 3 stanza is a nice touch. Implies the Girlfriend is like the cigarette. Cool, fun, but deadly and takes a lot to keep up the habit. Also, this poem hangs on sound. I do that sometimes. Consider the following: Calluses peeling Revealing new flesh I guess it's been awhile since I last swung my sword (Alliteration) In your direction As you retreated into the trees Laughing while you shouldered defeat *** And you are doing Your best I guess You'll always be a mess on Saturday mornings Smiling as you are smoking your cigarette Like it's supposed to keep you breathing By blackening your lungs ... I've mark the words in the poem that have similar sounds. And not so necessarily for rhyme, but for the sake of assonance. Neat huh.

Sicko Went and saw Michael Moore's new film about the American Health Care System. I didn't go into the film ignorant of the woes of my country's Health Care. On the contrary, I've been for reform for as long as I can remember. I still remember how the reform efforts of the early 90's went down in flames due to the lobbies of American Health Insurance companies and well politics in general. Still, it shocked me. No it shook me. I actually had to leave the theatre for a few minutes halfway through to clear my head. Having 9/11 rescue and clean up volunteers injured in the aftermath of the attack actually be able to get medical treatment in freaking Havanna, Cuba of all places (care they could not obtain in the USA) for free was priceless. Moore's films are never perfect and always biased. But I think he nailed it this time. Like he builds up Hilliary Clinton for being a crusader for health care reform back in the '90's then slams her now as a Senator for being one of the largest recipients of campaign donations from Heath Insurance companies. Actually having President Nixon on the record on his take on HMO's as Kaiser (The Kaiser of Kaiser-Permanente) is pitching the deal to him in the Oval Office excised from the Water-gate tapes is again priceless. Ya know, with all I know about the dirty laundry of America (all countries have their share), and I sure do know a lot about that because my chosen field of study is American Studies, this is first time in my life that I've actually considered leaving for good. First thing that popped in my mind was that New Zealand was courting disenchanted liberals after the 2004 elections to come repatriate with them. I don't know, not sure if I could hack it as a Kiwi. Well there is always Canada though, but "BRRRR" it's cold there. At any rate think I'll start applying to Grad school programs outside of the U.S. I hear British Columbia has a nice MFA program.

Oh that is cool. My grasp is terrible. Like, I can recognize some words and phrases, but the conversation moves too quickly for me to grasp the context, unless ppl slow way down for me, and even then I have to think about it. I plan on taking a conversational class next semester, so hopefully, I will improve. Only reservation on that is the professor is an American that try's to pass himself of as being from Portugal (another prof told me he only studied there), and I'd prefer to prefect my the Brazilian pronunciation before tackling the Old country one. It's sounds more fluid to me. I like it. Oh well, you have to take what you can get, I suppose. Sure, I'll probably be PM'ing you every now and again, then. rev...

Yeah, I'm finally getting to point where my system can't tolerate Ramen anymore. Even the good Thai or Korean Ramen makes me a little queasy now-a-days. My house mate's solution for making Ramen more nutritious: 1. Cook Ramen in on store top or range like you normally world, but add in another cup of water 2. Add a bag of fresh green beans 3. Season Serve and enjoy. --- Alternately, I've found a good healthy snack solution: Italian Butter and Bread. 1. Pour a few onces of olive oil in bowl 2. Crack fresh ground pepper into bowl (Pre-ground works too and is cheaper, but doesn't taste as good) 3. Dip thick slices / portion of bread into bowl and enjoy ----The thicker the bread and or coarser the grain, the better (Whole grain, if you can afford it). But within reason. Another house mate let me try some of his Russian Bread and it was like eating straight molasses. Ick. Goes great by itself, as an appetizer, or a side dish.

Oh yeah, I heard about the movie. Hadn't seen the trailer though. I love Clare Danes, but have a few misgivings after her representation in the movie. She's seems more aloof and ethereal than more rooted Gaiman Character. Hmm, hard to tell though from a trailer, though. I'm sure it will be a great film.

Found this randomly when a guest was viewing it today. Hmm, might be able to help some. I have zero knowledge of the conventions of Portuguese poetry and am still a novice with Portuguese language, but I could use the mental workout. Just out of curiosity what pronunciation where you going for? Portugal, Brazil, or one of the other Port-speaking nations. I'm going to take some creative license and go for the gist of the poem instead of a literal trans, because I think you have a much better grasp of the literal trans than I do. --- In a corner of the world there waits a small cafe shyly hid and withdrawn in upon itself, yet full of treasures for those who find and recognize its value, when sitting at a table: warmth, laughter, and support, offered with nothing taken off (jeez, that's a hard one there) a tired (might use "fellow" instead, but then again that does have a communist connotation) traveler, ***************** (can't get a good enough handle here) and hearts opened to new friends.

Went on a date with self described Neil Gaiman fanatic about two weeks ago. Long story short, we didn't hit it off, but she did rekindle my interest for the current rock star of contemporary literature. I was into him years ago, so was delighted to find out he had written a few more books that I hadn't heard of... Coroline Short fiction novel for kids. Think Alice in Wonderland meets Evil Dead meets a Rudyard Kipling "Dear Reader" Fable. Dark, very dark, but not obscenely so. Basically precocious young girl gets kidnapped into a strange parallel universe by a spider like creature claiming to be her "other mother." Girl gets help from talking cat. Stardust Decently sized fantasy novel for adults. Brilliant work. Is very episodic, by not annoyingly so like you would get out of a Robert Jordon Novel. Reads very much like one of Neil's Graphic Novels minus the pictures. But I could picture this being a graphic novel first or at least story boarded out. Book in a nut shell: The english villiage of Wall rest on the boundary between the normal world and the land of fairy (sp). People of wall have been charged with protecting this boundary on their side, but ever nine years the guard is relaxed for grand market hosted by the residents of the fairy lands. Is a cute little love story with some heavy influence from LOTR and the Hobbit, but then again every modern fantasy novel has been influenced by Tolkien whether or not they choose to admit it, so no big deal there. Also reminds me of more serious The Princess Bride. Anansi Boys Adult-oriented fiction. Not exactly traditional "let's go on an adventure" fantasy. It's more like Gaiman's other novel American Gods, but filtered through the comedic lens of A Confederacy of Dunces. Some reviews say this book is scary as well as funny. I just think it's funny. I guess you would call it Dark Comedy. Hmm, but if you're afraid of spiders, then you should probably skip this one. Two competing love stories figure into the plot as well, but the book is really about the relationship between a father and son.

oh, wow, that completely changes my reading of that line then. Hmm, I wish I could hear you read this. Then I could suggest some punctuation, because there seems to be a few possible ways you could read a few of the lines and depending how you read them, the meaning and emphasis could change.

oh cool, it's takes a certain flair to pull off spoken word, and if you can do that then you got a lot going for you. One the things I'm currently hashing out is trying to create page poetry whose syntax and general lay out would dictate how the poem should be read a loud. Which is kind of sort of possible with punctuation and lineation, so long as the reader agrees w/ my interpretation of use of punctuation or lack there of in my poem. Finding a happy medium is what I'm going for.

Board Games Mac or PC

Not familiar with aquist? Did you mean acquit?

i like it. might consider re-looking the lineation in a of couple places. This is how I would approach it. Not that yours is wrong, it's just my take on it. Caffine (sp) and Cigarettes A bag of fast food wrappers, strewn, the day's little reminders of you away 7 countries 16 days (nice touch, #'s format creates inherent pauses: neat) And a cd (capitalize) burned (d/c) for you by me on the night you said you loved her

First poem: Nice ending, but you need a pause of some sort after "within" in the first line to pull it off your conceit. Second poem: nice construction--tight/tense. Consider relooking "Old Process" There is a nuance of like or complementary sounds that link your two word header phrases in line 1, 5, 7. Try to replicate that in line 3 more or else heavily contrast it for dramatic effect. my thoughts, rev...

I used to be a fairly decent blue mage, but I'd be lost without my stack calculators and war tools interface. heh, gotta love those swedes, they could program anything. Tempting, but no. I've moved on. But thanks anyway, lot of good memories and sleepless nights. rev...

happy, happy.

Hmm. Interesting point Q. I think you're right that the lack of a verb is what bothered me (although subconsciously). I go mostly on intuition and sound. I was trying to shoehorn "cloying, " but not into a verb. At least I don't think I was? I was trying to give the phrase itself more drama in order to make it sound more complete to my ears, which as you pointed out turned out to be because of the lack of a verb. Good call! Also the phrase just confused me, because I never heard anyone say it before. So, I tried to make it function like something that sounded familiar like "coy." Which might work for "coy" (maybe), but I have no idea if it would work for "cloy." cool. rev...

Ah, it's pretty close to improvisation Wyv, so I wouldn't hold his feet too close to fire thematically. Still, I don't disagree. Good improv. Akin to brain storming. A little stanza sorting might help. I'd put the last stanza first and rephrase a little grammatically like so: So how does my story end? Who decides if a bird's life will continue or end? Did I believe in my strength (need a pause or some sort here) and fly? Or was I afraid and fell to my death? (try "be afraid and fall...") Or did I decide not to try after all? Then maybe take out some of the repeated halves of lines. Still, if you hear a song, you hear song, and songs tend to repeat, so I get it. rev...