reverie

01 SEP2003 (revision 6 to mend the break) Walking (a.k.a Dark Rainy Night and Dark Dreary Night) ©Dreamlost Collection, Vol. I 2002 Late December. Passing the time, with wondering mind Wrapped in darkness shivering Rhythms play in my head Walking in this rainy night… Clearest in the numbing cold, I feel safe. Worlds from my past Flow chaotic, on a tune… Quietly hummed, the process resumes: So steal a beat, add repeat Meld a theme, to think in stream... Remind your mind to lose some time And coat yourself in nature's rhyme To selfishly star in your self-styled stories, And dwell in past with love you’d forgotten Open the wounds that once you did cover Open them up, to help you recover And kindle this fire to slight your regrets... Make silly the story, half-hidden, you fret You’re always so lovely, though rarely so kind It’s not what you bury, but what’s in your mind Pain's a jester, So sweet’s her nectar In darkness, lovers did sigh But when you remember, that cold cold December In darkness, lovers will cry So spin, spun a song for myself, Selfishly crying then laughing It's too bad I feel nothing. I feel nothing at all. Tired the numbness, though it must love us Anything’s better, than nothing at all- When, standing numb to shiver Wouldn’t it be better to quiver? Isn't this silly, makes no sense at all So let the cold rain of night, freeze my heart warm. And muffle my mind, to let loose the storm And chain it to rhythm, to set up the streams To quiet the demons, and silence the screams: Of Rage and of Worry, Of Fear and Regret The Tragic, the Bitten The Burned and the Set Upon which I list and I wax in my rage… Let the cold rain of night - Make me shudder contained To mirror my shiver and cover the pain. And if all was made clever, and all was made terse Then roll back the black torrent in a spate of rhymed verse If your rhythm’s not platinum, but you flow just the same Search more than the phrases; sung true they will tame… As I keep walking, words of rhyme fill my mind For a time, I find peace - an emotional release But sweeter’s the feeling Where void stood before… It only seems tragic if too often ignored… The reasons for meanings The fear before rage The hum before singing The feelings left saved Catching chaos now fleeing At the door we must part… It was only me walking, to unbury my heart… revery the dreamlost "the answer is C(modern folklore)" the dream continues...

sniff...they grow up sooo fast... revery the dreamlost ""i'm just a rose unpicked left to wilt on the stem of life..." the dream continues...

hiya... old tune i thought up a few years back... finally decided to try to work it into something... * hmm, forum format won't let me create hanging indentions... grrr... well anyway the second line of 'let's just say' should be indented just under the 't' in 'just' of the preceding line... and everytime the two lines are repeated there after... The Axe… 29JUN2003 (Sat/School inspired circa 2000-2001) Let’s just say Let’s just say, Please don’t talk to me… Let’s just say Let’s just say, But please don’t walk away… Because, because, because- I almost know that’s what I mean… But when I get excited- Every me says everything… Let’s just say Let’s just say, Now why’d you walked away… Let’s just say Let’s just say I know you hate to hear me say… Because, because, because- I can’t control, just what I mean And what you hear repeated- Is what I hear in everything… Let’s just say Let’s just say I knew you would not stay… Let’s just say Let’s just say So I’ll just walk away… revery the dreamlost "uh oh, oh no..."(military cadance) the dream continues...

bubble beautiful and delicate time gone we die... rev...

omg... i can't believe someone has enough time on their hands to animate that entire scene from like a 10 yr old music video in smilely's... worse yet, I can't belive I remember it... revery the dreamlost "you do it to yourself...you do... that's why it really hurts..."(radio head?) the dream continues...

now there's idea... a hero ala tommy lee jones meets al gore sets out on an adventure to save his "love story" from his nosey room mate and hollywood... no wait that's been done... well sort of... heh... rev...

oh, i was never saying change it... what I see and interperet(can't spell,sorry), can never be the same as what you hear in your head when you write... so don't go destroying it on my account... hmm, but you can always create variations on you theme... like different chapters in a book... or movements in a symphony... a different aproach/perspective or stuff like that... who knows, you might just create some unexpected splitter poems off of it...(gotta love the splitter poem...) revery the dreamlost "fun, fun" the dream continues...

sokay... was just a my take... (i'm a structure buff, can ya tell...?) oh, hypens could work too... there like comma...'cept they don't pause... rev...

...hmm, on second thought... line 8 prolly gives a good dramatic pause the way it is... is that what you intended? just wondering... rev...

I like it... but would have played would the structure more... maybe a comma here or there... but over all good stuff rev...

silly... but in a good way... i like... hmm, but for some reason my ear's keep wanting to put a 'ly' or an 'er' on the end of 'love' in line 8... revery the dreamlost "love for sale"(cole porter) the dream continues...

Hi there, in reading over your poem, I noticed your particular style could be well suited to a bit or dialogue here and there. I'm not saying rewrite you poem... It just seems to me, that you have the potenial to draw out and personlize the emotions of your characters... and small dashes of dialogue used just so, could be one tool to achieve this... For Example stanza 4,5, and 6 below, remind me of the way you wrote your poem. Dudley Randall (1914-) Ballad of Birmingham (1969) (On the bombing of a church in Birmingham, Alabama, 1963) "Mother dear, may I go downtown Instead of out to play, And march the streets of Birmingham In a Freedom March today?" "No, baby, no, you may not go, For the dogs are fierce and wild, And clubs and hoses, guns and jails Aren't good for a little child." "But, mother, I won't be alone. Other children will go with me, And march the streets of Birmingham To make our country free." "No, baby, no, you may not go, For I fear those guns will fire. But you may go to church instead And sing in the children's choir." She has combed and brushed her night-dark hair, And bathed rose petal sweet, And drawn white gloves on her small brown hands, And white shoes on her feet. The mother smiled to know that her child Was in the sacred place, But that smile was the last smile To come upon her face. For when she heard the explosion, Her eyes grew wet and wild. She raced through the streets of Birmingham Calling for her child. She clawed through bits of glass and brick, Then lifted out a shoe. "O, here's the shoe my baby wore, But, baby, where are you?" ------- Just an observation, feel free to ignore... revery the dreamlost "we suffer in the shudder of the smallest glismpe..." the dream continues...

...hmm, poetic ranting... and lament... I could only find the flow of it, when I spoke it aloud in a fierce foward leaning varied accented approach... Not bad, but you might try experimenting with different kinds of structures to free up the flow... Just follow whatever rythems in your head... rev...

...hmm, well... I write for the endophin rush... that and i'm too lazy to learn to put my words to song... as to the whole learning thing... I agree w/ Illianna Wolfsong's statment about teaching ppl to be better observers... I recall a story told by a lady that knew Virginia Wolf when she(the lady) was a child... Virginia would always ask her detailed question about what she had observed in everyday events...i.e. "what was he wearing? What color? how do you think it felt...?" It made her turn her mind into a super recorder of sorts... revery the dreamlost "everything is material"(garrison keillor) the dream continues...

to peredhil: ...um i'll fix the spelling one of these days... sorry... :/ nice take though... thanx.... to angel_hoff and qui guy: uh, it was written after observing some slam poets compete in D.C. ...performance vs content is a sticking point, so I thought i'd write down my random reactions to it... revery the dreamlost "abort, retry, ignore..." the dream continues...

am reminded of Robert Frost and Max Ehrmann... I like the softness of your tone... almost theraputic... gives it an insightfull feel... very nice.. rev...

wrote the 99% of this last november, finally decided to finish editing it up n'stuff... Remembered Stream (edited 01JUN2003) Sing a song in two's and three's Just one for the morning and one for the day And one for the singer long sped away Turn around and look at me, See the soul lost to the sea... Elegy and Epetaph For the one lost to the wrath... Why look in wonder? Why look so confused? When the things that you wanted, No longer amuse... Stand under the spot light… In focus, you’ll rage... Burn out the voice box... With Eligence on stage... The teas burning hot... Caffinee spurs the fair... The poets will Rock... with new hip-hop flare... Blow up the capital... Let them all now... This new kind of wonder... is more than a show... We’re singing and preaching, In hemorrage we bleed... Some die competing... For laurals and greed. Transending the fireflys... In wave after wave... It's time to Enlighten, Enliven and Raise... Applause all around The chords must have struck... Inside someones head Words echoing, stuck... But why look in wonder? Why look at all? For the things that you wanted, Never needing at all... It's all just extravagance... To spice up and save... A one night performance... Read a-loud…from the Cave.... revery the dreamlost "the FCC won't let me be..." (Eminem) the dream continues...

Will accept either the two syllable or three syllable form... but have always thought of the 3 syllable from when refering to myself... Main Entry: rev·er·ie Variant(s): also rev·ery /'re-v&-rE, 'rev-rE/ Function: noun Inflected Form(s): plural rev·er·ies Etymology: French rêverie, from Middle French, delirium, from resver, rever to wander, be delirious Date: 1657 1 : DAYDREAM 2 : the condition of being lost in thought revery the dreamlost "come on, fun one smile." the dream continue...

nice spiral slip effect you got going there nyyrak... take a bow... revery the dreamlost "getting crazy with the cheeze-whiz" (beck!) the dream continues...

say uh, what if the spelling error was intentional... Like when I saw "ghoast" i kinda expected the story to be about the ghost of a goat... or even something more symbolic... the dead girl, now thinks herself a goat? since her death goads the living... okay that's a bit of a stretch... but ya never know... revery the dreamlost "Buy the sky and sell the sky and bleed the sky and tell the sky: Don't fall on me" (REM/CRY,CRY,CRY) the dream continues...

revery pulls himself across the floor pitifully *gasp* no energy... argh... ...seriously though... i'd respond in whatever way you'd think the author of the thread is comfortable with(your guess is good as mine), since any construtive responce is better than none... if ppl have already started responding in a "work in progesses" thread... then the damage prolly already done... so go ahead and respond... revery the dreamlost "all fear the hooded fang" (jacob two two) the dream continues...

hiya boaz... I 'members ya... though you prolly don't 'members me... welcome back... revery the dreamlost "do not taunt happy fun ball"(SNL) the dream continues...

cheapest plastic mechanical pencils i can find for notes... hybrid black gel pens for anything else... exspensive charcole drafting pencils for anything eleborate... and am currently in love with green highligthers... death to yellow *grrr* revery the dreamlost "oyi..." the dream continues...

oh thanx for the catch on "audience." I'm terrible with mistakes like that... as for notes? well, they only exist as in my head... thanx again... rev...

Well, hopefully this things finished... I've carried the tune of it in my head for a couple of years now... hopefully it's been but to rest this time... I-do (4th draft, 26 APR 2003) I can’t write for fear of fright I can’t fear if I let you near And I won’t win if I let you in So, I won’t even try… Call me a loser, call me a fool Call me anything, so I can be cool Grant me an audience, lend me an ear It’s not that your special, it’s just that your near… -But you know me, so well I can’t hide, my soft-thin shell… It’s true. When I think of you… ‘Cause I don’t love you anymore But I do …Not understand you Sometimes I feel, I should die… Sometimes I think, why even try ‘Cause I don’t love you anymore But I do …Not understand you Look back in the mirror, then turn away It’s only an image of you, anyway Why must it matter, what they hear you say… Today… ‘Cause I don’t love you anymore But I do …Not understand you revery the dreamlost "lo, lo, lo..." the dream continues...