reverie

personally, i'd go for anya... her silliness factor T.K.O's Willow's Coy Cuteness factor hands down... but given the choices, I'd prolly be more inclined towards willow than than buffy... 'cause well frankly I have a weakness for red heads... natural or not... Well that was a nice time warp back to junior high... and remember kids: "all things in moderation...(me or aristotle: he prolly beat me too it, but I still claim it.)" and, "gone are the days of experimenting, but some remnants remain from medicating(big brother)" revery the dreamlost "you're the cutest of the scooby's with your lips as red as rubies(buffy songs)" the dream continues...

welcome... ... revery the dreamlost "levin had it all backwards, only the right way..." the dream continues...

...say ah... if your not to sure about your poems then post them in the critic corner... that way you can always have the excuse, "i'm still working on it..." Like, i finished my sandy poem way on back... but never liked it enough to post it in the B-Room... Don't worry about writing poorly... just write... sheer talent can't be faked, but even the talented have to pratice... otherwise your just a kid with a knack that never grew up...and that's all you'll ever be... So just write. Keep a journal if you can make the time. It helps 'cause it takes a lifetime of experience to create a master piece... that or a girl you really really want to impress. Barring that, you still need to practice... 1st Rule: observe. 2nd Rule: observe some more... 3rd Rule: put observations in head, turn dail to hot water, medium soil, permanet press. 4rd Rule: wait for buzzer, repeat do over. 5th Rule: forget the rules and just write... revery the dreamlost "yes we have no bananas(spike jones???)" the dream continues...

hmm, it's a toss up between astral projection and instant healing... revery the dreamlost "the answer is C(modern folklore)" the dream continues...

'lo...Regal... name sounds real familar... Prolly saw you around way back in my AM days... but then again prolly not... welcome anyways... revery the dreamlost "hello there its me again, you long time absent fogotten friend." the dream continues... a.k.a revery_tdc

thanx all... yeah, kids say the darnest things don't they... they can cut right to heart of something without even knowing how deeping they are treading... (just saw I am Sam today... good movie... smart kid, not so smart dad, nothing to do with the poem... but still a good movie) hmm, am wondering whether or not I should change 3rd the last stanza... I can make it rhyme... but not sure if i want the first voice to sound too much like the second... or maybe i should to show the impact of the 2nd on the 1st... or.... @$!$@!@%@#% sheesh... devils is really in the details... anyway it'd go something like this: I pull back from the gaze, which burns my wisdom so thin And makes the reality of myself seem so hollow within I, we linger in the remembrance, sometimes too long ...hmm, nah... I keep the way it is... revery the dreamlost "'i'm looking through you, your not the same(beatles)" the dream continues...

Alone, but only just so… I find myself in my usual state, Lost again in that weary flow of thought That calls on me to justify my existence. Aloof and alone, but only just so… I speak to the voice, which is me. In quiet tones of acquiescence... For I am never truly alone Just starved for good conversation… I, apologizing for the silence, Listen, as somewhere deep and willfully half-forgotten, a child cries again: Where are we going, and why are we here? And why does our heart spill over with tears? Why do I die, while you get to thrive? In forgiveness half-given, but only half-tried. If turmoil kills me, then I bless back to you A Three-fold forgotten misshapen half-truth As we cling and we chafe to memory’s waste, I remember... the horror and price to make safe. What is it we did, or did much too late? To burden with lies, so selfish we hate… I pull back from the gaze, which burns my wisdom so thin And makes the reality of myself seem so hollow to that loneliest side of me, I, we linger in the remembrance, sometimes too long For I do regret almost everything, and fear that it shows For the mirror of memory glows slowly in sullen repose Aloof and alone, but only just so I struggle to make peace, with the child I released… revery the dreamlost "so aaahh..." the dream continues...

micheal moore is my hero... I formally resended my membership in blockbuster when the local chain in my area refused to carry it without explanation. So I wrote the President of Blockbuster a nice long letter and sent him my membership card... revery the dreamlost "because it must be so...(japanese phrase)" the dream continues...

ditto... rev...

Great poem... really... Not that is matters or anything, but i throw my vote towards the orignal... that's just going strictly from intial gut feeling... I agree with zool on the 'incomplete' thing Hmm, my extra two cents: the other stanzas talk of 'Nothing' and 'emptiness...' And to me 'ugly' is neither of those... if anything, it invokes a reaction of sorts... whereas 'boring' seems to fit better with the whole writers block thing you got going... since ... um well if you ever felt you were coming across as boring to someone, if might have been because you felt you had nothing to say... brain all stalled out... ya know... empty of all interest... Just some thoughts. Great poem... I love the structure. revery the dreamlost "uh, oh, oh no..."(cadence) the dream continues...

good luck... if your going to do the long haul... go officer... or warrant... better pay/benifets better everything... of course you'll already be living the equilant to army officer standards... heh... rev...

that's nice peredhil... rev...

not a poem...just stuff... If you love her. Then you must know what she dreams of... If you know her dreams Then make them happen... If you love her 'cause everyone wants to feel their special... and find that special special one... and the occasional spoilage is nice too... but be careful that you really love her, and its not just you loving you loving her... revery the dreamlost "love the person, not the idea" the dream continues...

hmm, prayer + moses = mosaic prayer...??? maybe not... revery the dreamlost "heh" the dream continues...

this may sound strange... but the best way i've found to kick depression, is to stop enjoying it. Also, depression is natures fun way of telling us something is wrong... it could be anything... the trick is figuring out what that something is... revery the dreamlost "life's an orange: it's bitter, sweet, circular, and kinda messy..." the dream continues...

cute. no really it's cute... descrip and everything... very nice, welcome... revery the dreamlost "awwww..." the dream continues...

thanx... it's my master piece... I've been editing it for almost 2 years now... trying to get it right... one day i'll be happy with it... revery the dreamlost "life is an orange: it bitter, sweet, circular, and kinda messy" the dream continues...

...just saw cowboy-bebob on DVD. I liked ed. Random ed quotes: "mew?" "Ed find it!" "Fuuuunnnny Shaaaape" "Circles and Eyeballs, Circles and Eyeballs" "it's a Lympo lympo Lympocyte" Having had my own potenially near fatal brush with Lympocytes, I find Ed's light treatment of the subject refreshing. Kamacazi Lympocytes are no laughing matter, but for Ed's sake, I'll make an exception. Thanks Ed. revery the dreamlost "up in blue sky big silly blimp go by...(shampo/ranma1/2)" the dream continues...

oh, but don't totally delete your original draft... keep it safe somewhere for inspiration if nothing else. I find when i lose my way from too much editing, the original helps me get back on track... hmm, well there I go again, over suggesting. Your style is fine. On second read and maybe the stanza breaks are helping too, I see that your tone throughout is unified and coherent. Plain spoken in it's delivery. It works wells. My language comments were just to try to get you to be more experimentive. i'm always trying to get people to push the envelope a little bit up here. If I changed something in your poem, i'd have to rewrite the entire thing to get it to line up to my style... and it doesn't need that, certainly not from me... 'cause it's good. hmm, but not to leave you with nothing... an example of a double entrende can be found here: Carry your torch into the night Running so hard for the things that might. Maybe, you’re scared, but it’s not what you fear Anyway--do not fade away... Okay, that's a pretty simple line from a short poem called the Runner. It's was written to a running friend of mine that was hopelessly in love with someone named carrie. Now, to everyone else in the world it prolly just look like a nice motivation running/ keep on trucking poem. But to a few people in this world it's meaning would be totally different. I love hidden meanings... 'nother big example: Artemis and Apollo Green and Hazel I see you. With a candle burning blue... Twins alike, imbued with light One for morning, One for night... Careful with your tragic bow Mindful aim will end in woe To the Moon, Orion sings Beaming back a fatal sting... Chariot riding full of flames Many lovers in his reign Glowing sister take your aim Mindful of the lovely game... Drawing back, with little thought Letting go, your heart is caught In the sea, Orion dies So then your heart, lies in the sky... Now another fresh and bright Filled with both your glowing lights Mend betrayal with his hand Healing wisdom for all man See you pupil on the ground Watch him thrive, to all astound... Teaching King and god alike healing saves what gentle fight Noble Chiron all in vain Poisoned arrow ends his pain. For far off friend, misreads the sight Rending sun and moonbeams light... Contrary siblings of the spheres Divided love will disappear For every trick another vice Waning moonbeams slice by slice... Okay this entire poem was written to impress a sagittaruis girl with green/hazel eyes whose always felt she was at odds with her polar opposite identical twin sister. I used greek mythology to hide it though. More than likely the entire meaning shot right over her head, but i liked it. rev...

I like it. I get the feeling you could expand it more given enough time. 1st stanza's a great starting point since it's pontenial for morphing into other set up lines is huge... But sometimes short and sweet is better... I recommend you try writting varations on your theme for fun. 3rd stanza worth a second look. revery the dreamlost "namaste(yoga)" the dream continues...

...yes but what did the music sound like? revery the dreamlost "I turned on the radio and I did not hear a thing(REM)" the dream continues...

Well, icarus what can I say... you never cease to surprise me... I'm not sure what you did here, but I like it. You took a common line and expanded upon it making it your own... bravo. "Would it be okay If I just stayed here for a while" You meanings bleed from one line into another, in a sort of rambling way. Once again, I have know idea what you did here, but I like it. revery the dreamlost "how can you just leave me standing alone in a world so cold(prince)" the dream continues...

Random Impressions: Neat, simple, and shiny...thought poem Wishful and longing for someone you haven't met, but would like too... Falling for a ideal idea of someone else to give and return your love. Dreaming of a phantom lover. Cliche Advice: Do not look for love, let it find you. Not so Cliche Advice: 'nothing wrong with wishing for a companion to lighten up the dark, but lighten yourself up first, and companions will come... It's always been said "be yourself." But it's more than that. You have to become yourself fully. So grow, and keep growing...and the one you long for will meet you along the way... And then you can grow together... revery the dreamlost "so what if I was romeo in black jeans(michael penn)" the dream continues...

Don't know if you ment it, but I like the potential Double entendre, in the 2nd line...otherwise I'm left to think "telling what?" hmm, on second glance I can get get a third meaning from it too... oh well, good job for making me think... a few spelling errors too...but that's kinda the norm. 3rd stanza seems forced... Honestly, I think this poem has potential with some revision... revery the dreamlost "staying won't put these futures back together(aimee mann/humpty dumpty)" the dream continues...

Hmm, small suggestion: since you've already used a back to back couplet form for this poem, you could easily divide it into Seven, 4 line stanzas. I counted up the lines and they would match up perfectly. Generally it helps with the readibility and flow...but that's just my opinion... A spell check or two wouldn't hurt, but I'm as guilty of that as the next guy... also don't be afraid to take more chances with the language you use. Be inventive: invert, inflect phrases... Double and triple entendre are always fun too... let the reader figure it out... Content: I get the impression of a budding sence of reflective irony/angst in you... Seek to develope and refine it more. Envisioning is a good place to start... revery the dreamlost "streams of things" the dream continues...