reverie

What to say to a girl that really really really likes you, that you are not "technically" going out with... But you still went on a date with her. Why? Because your roommate set you up. But hey, that's life, deal with it. Now turn that frown upside down and learn this speech. You may want to rephrase slightly to fit your style and temperment: Like, I know you like me, and I went on our date to see if I felt the same way about you (pause, you must pause here, why? I don't know, just remember to pause.) and I had a great time, (smaller pause, not to much--don't over do it, but pause)and I think you're a great person, and I still want to be your friend, but romantically I just don't feel that way or the same way. (Don't say "about you" trust me - Don't say it). Note: And I can't stress this last point enough, Never EVER let a member of the sex you happen to be attracted to see you with a copy of this speech. It will only end badly. ... Now go get 'em tiger! rev...

Um, not to cast any stones but the line "Dragons are crunchy and taste like ketchup" sound too much like the bumper sticker/internet proverb: It is not wise to meddle in the affairs of Dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup or it's variat: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Which is just a parody of this: Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. "The Fellowship of the Ring", J.R.R. Tolkien I realize you are altering commonly used phrases/idioms through out your poem But the "dragons" line seems far too specific where as your other intended mis-quotes are more general and cliche and thus more likely have a greater usuage in spoken language. They are probably even considered in public domain. And "Dragons" could be in public domain as well, but it is the least likely phrase in your poem, that could have come from your own brain without outside influence(hmm, though the trip/drip is pretty close too,) so it sticks out. Just something to keep in mind when alluding to other peoples words, be consistant. A good title like "Mispoken Words" or better might help absolve this too. rev...

To Mira regarding italics: Okay cool, I understand why you used them now. To Ayshela and Mira regarding the third stanza: I think you're right, "out loud" it reads better that way, then what I suggested on the page. Maybe a punctuation compromise somewhere would be helpful. But as you know this is one of weaknesses, so am not sure what else could be done. Hmm. To Sweet: Duly noted, check your PM. rev...

"Actually I rather liked the full italics. It gives a sense of the writer being nothing more than a narrator to his own play, while behind him the things he says are acted out, or upon. By Them perhaps? Of course this feeling is enhanced by the actual line mentioning acts and plays." Oh sure, italics can do this, but I still think they detract from the overall clarity of the poem. Mira's got a particularly interesting feedback requirement/guideline. I just tried to follow it to the letter. I think he's right to ask that we use it for I believe it inspires more meaniful anaylsis. Though, I wonder what images you find striking? There are only two real images in this poem: that of "the brittle clay." and "the moon, stars, and trees." Though the "stroll" lline could be image too, but it's rather bare thought. Of those the only strong image is that of the "clay," but only by comparision. Mira's a seasoned poet and a Guild Leader, no need to treat him with kid gloves. rev...

I wouldn't worry about... If you have not time to write the big projects... just keep a brief journal. this will force you to reflect on you happy life, and maybe something will come of that... If you don't have time for even this...Well man, it's not ever going to get any better Think about when after you graduate, and you're out on your own: you'll working a full time job...and even later working a job while supporting a familiy. Of course you have prioritize, and hell I get writers block all the time, but keep in mind you are still writing in school, that counts you know. rev...

Intial Feelings: After first line - "Yeah, right on, but what's up with the italics?" After 2nd Stanza - Confused, not sure what you're getting at. The way it's phrased has me confused and the Capitalized "They" combined with the Italics heightens it. After last Stanza - Still confused, had a brief connection to the resurection of jesus, but dismiss it. Also thought the rhyme skeme and progressive line lengths looked nice, though they did not help me with understanding the poem. Images evoked: *A big "They" written in black letters several times... *Red clay of a bank mingled with mud from a swallow creek or river bank. (old memory) *An obscure figure walking down a lonely road. Details are blured, nothing clear. * An equaling obscure picture (like an actual photograph) of the moon, stars, and trees. Things of interest *Whilte the poem possesses some punctuation, I think that it could be improved by adding more thoroughtout... The 2nd stanza phrasing seem particularly awkward. *Italics. I don't think you need them. Italics are good for signfying that a particlar word or phrase is different from the rest of the text, or that you are directly referencing something. To put the entire poem in italics in effect negates the need for italics at all. *In the first stanza the pronoun "They" in set quotes, but in the proceeding stanza, the next two references to "They" are not put in quotes, yet they captilized. If the effect you are looking for is differentiating the 1 stanza "They" from the set of 2nd stanza "They"'s, Then I would recommend: -discarding the blanket italics -Putting the 2nd stanza set of "They"'s in Italics. -Possibly decapitalize the 2nd stanza set??? Actually even if you are not trying to differeniate the 2nd stanza from the 1st, I would follow the same recommendation above for the sake greater reading ease. Or you could playing with puncuation of the phrase or rephrasing it entirely. *Think you could omit the pharse "They say" in the 3rd stanza. The 2nd stanza has already set the line up. e.g. Well They say And They say They say That I've gone away To boldly flee another day To form my image in brittle clay Well I think this time I'll decide to stay For just one more act in this endless play For just one more stroll down this forgotten way Beneath the moon, and the stars, and the trees Well, that's my take on it... have fun, rev...

"Marble" complicates things.. Makes the obvious answer not so obvious... Otherwise I'd think it made of porcelain... But in that case: Eh, how 'bout a Mausoleum. rev...

A riddled rhyme A test of wit Come play the game Stop talking Topic: telescope rev...

Ginsberg and Whitman were hard to digest for me. Their list poem style (Howl and Leaves of Grass) just goes on and on and on and on and on... If whitman and ginsberg had a duel, Whitman would win hands down. Hmm, Beatnick Chonicler vs Trancendental Mystic. Yean, Whitman wins hands down. For me Howl expressed the frustration of a generation. Railing against the hypocracy and choas of the world that they had inherated. While on the other hand Leaves embraced the chaos of society and tried to show the connectiveness of everything. Mystism meets the American Dream... Sure, the hypocrasy was highlighted too (treaments on slavery, plight of the working class / native americans etc.), but this work strove to acknowledge and unite... Too bad he went and got himself an Omi-potent God complex in the process. Just goes with the territory, though... Mystisms a tricky path, even more so if you walk it alone. rev...

quick hide the eggs...

not bad... You might have the beginning of something here. Your feedback level in your profile says you want ppl be "brutely honest." So if you don't mind, I can offer you some suggestions. I am just another a leaf, (common sentement is implied) At the mercy of the sheer power of the wind. less is more Even towering trees are humbled, Hmm, either strip it down, or expand: E.G. Even the trees are humbled or Even the trees towering above (me) are humbled Though am not too sure on this one Bent by the invisible surges, Branches and foliage giving voice to the storm. Invisible? If you can see what the stream of air is moving, is it truely invisible? Maybe just: Bent by surges of air. Or condense: Branches bent by the surges of air/invisible surges Give(ing) voice to the storm. The thrill of Danger empowers me, Excitement and emotion beyond description. (Cliche: Plus, nothing is beyond at least the bare sketch of description, otherwise why write about it.) Pupils dilate in the surreal darkness, Why surreal? Everything has seemed plausible up to this point. Every chaotic detail vivid on my retina. Good: maybe expand this, then lead into more vivid description I smell the coming (or what have you) rain, long before. Giddy anticipation finally rewarded with voluptuous raindrops, Splattering forcefully on my upturned face, To thunderous applause. Last lines, consider condensing/rephrasing so as to create a smoother transition from the build up the rest of your poem has created. I do like the overall image of comparing your face to the that of a leaf getting splattered by rain. E.G. Anticipation finally rewarded with (the) thunderous applause Splattering forcefully on (or upon)my upturned face. Well that my two cents. If you have more detailed questions on Structure, Overall form, or just phrasing in general, I'd recommend seeking Q, Ayshela, or Nyyrak out. Hope that wasn't too honest for ya, rev...

happy belated b-day, rev...

happy b-day...

glad to hear you're doing well... Though when things aren't feeling as sunny... Don't give up. Don't give in. Depression is just like any other addiction. It's self fufilling and easy to lapse back into. So, ya gotta take one day at time. Never stop making plans and goals, but don't forget to live in the moment. I could go on, but this guy said it best: Happiness To be without desire is to be content. But contentment is not happiness. And in contentment there is no progress. Happiness is to desire something, to work for it, and to obtain at least a part of it. In the pursuit of beloved labor the busy days pass cheerfully employed, and the still nights in peaceful sleep. For labor born of desire is not drudgerey, but manly play. Success brings hope, hope inspires fresh desire, and desire gives zest to life and joy to labor. This is true whether your days be spent in the palaces of the powerful or in some little green byway of the world. Therefore, while yet you have the strength, cherish a desire to do some useful work in your little corner of the world, and have the steadfastness to labor. For this is the way to the happy life; with health and endearing ties, it is the way to the glorious life. Max Ehrmann 1872 - 1945

Hello. I have been described as punctuation inhibited. This bothers me, but I can't deny it. Anyway, if anyone has a free moment and can scan my Assignment 18 poem in the Workshop for grammer/spelling/punctuation errors, I'd really appreciate it. Also feel free to make any other comments. Frankless is always welcome. Assignment 18 thanks lots, rev...

oh thanks, I actually didn't mean to repost it in the Banquet Room though, I was just raiding my poems links list in my piazza portrait for inspiration when I ran across this one again. I thought it would repost in the workshop. Hmm, I must have wrote this one before I started using the workshop. Anyway, I've always liked it too. I miss the sing-songly quality that most my earlier poems seem to have. Things were simpler then... rev...

happy happy, best wishes and all that rev...

28 March 06 Weary are the the hands that hold The loftly one so high and bold To lift him up so far and high think not upon the ones that die. Keep standing tall, since all you see Are lovely happy tragedies. And shattered hearts, sunk in the ground Will never reach, or make you frown.

Hey Rune, long time no talk...anyway I had a similar yet less dramatic experience with Books on Tape/CD. My friend tried for about a year to get me into them, final I gave in and have enjoyed them ever since. Well not exactly. I enjoy them whenever I have a long commute, and since I live with walking distance to most things I need now, I really don't do the Book on tape anymore. Recently my same friend has suggest I invest in an ipod and download books from audible.com, but I'm resisting this. I'm scatter brained enough as it is. Add an ipod to the mix and I'll probably end up walking off a cliff or something. Hmm, print wise, I resisted the Harry Potter Series for a number of years. While unbelieviably bored in Korea, I started reading the first one and have been hooked ever since... So you're not alone small one... shine on, rev...

I sav "V" too, and thoroughly enjoyed it. The only thing that disappointed me was some of the more "touching" scenes between Portman and "V" seemed a littled forced. But only a little bit. Think an actor with a greater awareness of his own body language would have helped, but then again you could just as easily blame the writer or the director and editor that cooridinated the voice-overs... Ah, didn't really see the movie as anti-conservative. Saw it more as anti-faschist. The parallels to the High chancellors rise to power and Hitler seemed pretty obvious to me. Zealot leader arising out of Chaos/remains of a former empire created in part by the influence foreign nations that were then greater in power than his own nation. Seizes opportunity by tapping into and reinventing a home grown nationalism. Creating a crisis and thus a scapegoat for the crisis. Institutes Social/Racial/Intellectual Genecide all for the sake of a greater Germany/England. Yep, sounds like SS style fascism to me. If it was anti-conservative, I'd think the movie would have argued for MORE government control in peoples lives and businesses, not less. Or has the world turned completely upside down??? rev...

I wrote a poem not too long ago expressing similar sentiments, but this social/political writer said it better than I ever could... and almost a hundred years ago to boot. Guess there really is nothing new under the sun. "I am a battery that needs to be often recharged. I require the excitement of friendship; I must have constant stimulation of friends. I do not spark automatically, but must have other minds to rub up against, and strike from them by friction the spark that will kindle my thoughts." ~ Randolph Bourne, The Excitement of Friendship rev...

Ditto... You rock Budda Man... rev...

nice to see everything worked out...

Happy Birthday Cryil, May you live long and prosper ~ quote the spock May your always find water and shade ~ quote the wheel of time. May you never be close to spectacular, yet fantastically well ~ quote the outcast May your feet never be held long to the flame ~ quote the dreamlost May you be fleet of foot when walking through said flames ~ ditto May you never be a rose unpicked, left to wilt on stem of life ~ you get the picture... Hey let's keep this list rolling... 1, 2, 3. once again. GO!

Latina est mala meo caputo et remdium non habeo. Omnis est non bene.