reverie

pointy

I've always wonder if War and Peace would be easier to read if you read ever other chapter, then went back read the one's you skipped. Half the book is a tangle of interwoven love stories the other half Tolstoy's theories on war. Actually if you read Anna Karina immediately after, it's almost like sequel. I had to check that book out 5 times from my local library before I got through it. good luck, rev...

neat. minor cursory suggestions: I wish i could just tell you, Just hoping that you know, The true amount I love you, And just how far I could/would go. Missing you each minute, <---(sp) And every passing day. Longing just to hold you, So you would never go away. Just promise me one promise, That you'll never let me go. To be with you forever, Is the hope I hold. (maybe another word here for the sake of rhythm, but am not so sure myself if you need it or not) ... It's cool as is, but if you want to take up a notch or two, consider trying to express similar thoughts without being so dependant on the word "you." If you think of it as a creative exercise. It might (stress on the might) open a door for you. take care, rev...

Ever had your dad try to get money from you by crying crocodile tears over your dead dog. Yeah, that was bad day. rev...

Dispel this pernicious ennui Words placed below a lithograph: Orphan girl, Tokyo 1945, Caption fading. In the lavender bloom Of a false spring, body wasted In perpetual slumber, Her every breath collapses Into a sigh. *** Here's an easy one: "The path I walk"

paraphrasing a holocaust survivor: The day you stop taking care of yourself is the day that you start to die. *** If you can't find someone, then build yourself up instead. Walk a path (any path) long enough, and eventually you'll pass someone wanting company along the way. Just remember to slow down a little, so they can catch up with you. rev...

Just like to add, that I like workshop as not being viewable/searchable to the web at large. It's one of the main reasons I still use it. rev...

I like them. Brains a little fried right now from writing my own poem (Dear God, a fifty liner in Iampic Pentameter, make the hurting stop...), so I can't give anything more indept right now. Well other than maybe considering changing "can not" to "cannot" in the second stanza of #70. cool, rev...

Nice shape-like poem. Vivid. I especially liked the Skeleton tree line. Made me think of skyscrapers for some reason. Or trees in front of skyscapers yeah something like that. Hmm, I'd reconsider the lower-case 'i' in the second line. rev...

Just a few minor suggestions: I will not cry over things I cannot change. Tears ache in my throat but my eyes remain dry. My mistakes are my own, I cannot rearrange The tracks I have set, nor the reasons why. I shall not weep, though my soul is heavy. Though I ache for release in/by the death of sleep, I will build this energy to use when I am ready, When its drive will produce results I can keep. I will not cry over things that resist change. This path has been mine to tread before. I can follow my steps out of this duress, And rest sometime on a wandering shore But I will not cry, yet/but I cannot but cry or yet only could I not cry or similar, As tears beg to trail/drag/blaze etc their path down my cheeks. My fears stay hidden, my eyes staydry. I will not allow tears to prove me weak. I will not cry over things I cannot change. Tears ache in my throat but my eyes remain dry. My mistakes are my own, I cannot rearrange The paintings my heart has laid out to dry.

Well, if you want to generally improve upon it, then do grammar clean it in your next draft. Aposthrophes are your friend. Good material. Good grounding. If want more indepth feedback let me know. rev...

"through" would work also in the last line. Like in an email/pm/etc. rev...

hmm, not sure where it would go or what sub-heading it would fall into, but I'm learning that the kind of "Language" you use in poetry is a big deal too. I'm not just talking about grammar either. Well sentence structure is a part of it like using a periodic sentence verses an inverted one. But the way your speaker speaks. Is his speech polished like a well-educated minster or crass like a farm hand? Or like there's a world of difference between languaged used to convey irrelevant sarcasm vs solemn irony. Hmm, maybe a general poetry topic called "style" could cover it. We could just leave it open for individual interpretation for now. But, this realm of poetry analysis is door that is just opening for me, so if I'm being vague that's why. If any other poets have good knowledge of how to define this kind of analysis please post.

Figured I'd save Q the trouble. She's an ancient now i.e. an elder no-longer just like Big P. Call it a kind of semi-retirement/sabatical. Remember also that Ancients are non-voting member. I figure this design must be by choice, but I really don't know the full reasoning behind it. I've been around the pen a decent while, but that debate was way way before my time. As far as guilds go, I've always been distrustful of guilds in general. Call it a throwback from my archmage days. Which is ironic considering I was very very very active in guilds in my gaming days. Actually that experience is probably why I got a bad taste in my mouth when people first started talking about bringing guilds to the pen. It was Nyyrak that started the ball rolling on that one right??? But then again, isn't the pen itself a guild? Hmm, oh we could change to name from guilds to houses just like in Harry Potter. Oh wait those Houses really don't get along with each other. Forget I said that. Anyway, I changed my position to indifferent on guilds a couple of months ago, even though I technically belong to AAA, in spirit if not in name. I guess it's because I consider my guild to be the Pen as a whole. That and with my creative writing courses at Uni. sponging up all my collective creativity, I really don't have time/energy left for them. So I thought to myself, just because I don't need them doesn't mean that someone else doesn't. So I decided to largely opp-out of the guild debates until now that is... Why am I talking about the guilds now. To honest, I start my first day on night shift tomorrow at work and I need to stay up so I can sleep during the day, and I've already answered all my online school forums for tonight, plus you guys brought it up first. rev...

Wow. I should go into IRC more often. Oh an interesting side note. I took a class last year with an ancient professor that defended his Doctoral dissertation under C.S. Lewis and Tolkien (and one other) at Oxford. I don't think I've ever been more intellectually challenged about literature in my life. The guy literally intimated me out of the English Major. However, he gave me a nice foundation for figuring out how to read punctuation in poetry, so I'm owe him that at least. Anyway according to my prof. it appears that Tolkien and Lewis thought highly or each other, but Tolkien never cared much for Lewis' "children's books." He did however, like his more mature works. rev...

K just checking. And "honored guest" as far as I know is a default for those who at least register on the board. A cautionary word on your comments about the Workshop though. "Writer's Workshop: I think it should be set to be both viewable and post-able by initiates. If you're going to give advice to people, give it to the people that need it first." While I in agree in theory that you should give "it" to the people that need it first, and practical application has shown me that rank has nothing to do with who needs help. Still you have to consider whether or not they will be receptive to "advise" even if they post a work in the writers' workshop. I don't mind the Workshop being open to initiates, but not for the reason you said. I've been burned time and time again trying to help people even those that I thought were considerably more developed as a writer than me. Anyway, I think Q was trying to build back in a rewards system of sorts which showed members a clearer progression of viewable forums as they were promoted. She's already talked about her reasons for this, so I won't go into it further, here. General comment on ranks: It's my understanding that they were never so much a measure of talent (with the possible exception of Bard) as they were measure of a sustained commitment over time. Action/Reaction: Oh I never meant to imply that people should bottle up their feelings. Just that they should let them out more calmly.

Mardrax. Except for some poems you posted lately your largely an unknow to me. Just out of curiosity as an "honored guest" can you even see the Passageway or the Athenaem. Not that you opinion is not wanted (ozzy did call for lurkers to post), but you seem to have a more thorough knowledge of the pen than most guest do. Even vigil with his long assciations with us didn't know about the critique corner till recently. rev...

Yeah looks great Q. But I'd keep the Doom Room for voting members only since that were we end up discussing things we vote on (and occasionally flay each other) and quill-bearers are non-voting members. Another option could be to make it read-only for non-voting members though. I could live with either. Actually, I think the biggest problem of the pen faces is not the guilds, but attitude. We're more reactionary than we've ever been. I've always been reactionary, it's my style (though I try to moderate it), but lately more and more people are becoming like that as well or worse... Enmity is at a high ebb and has been for a while. And a couple people have all but left the pen over it. This thread is step in the right direction though. rev...

Alaeha: thanks for the refresher. I'd forgotten the original argument for the guilds as well. Thanks for the nod on the classes too. I wasn't sure if I was going to continue them there or in the workshop. Still not sure. Might do my homework in the workshop and polish it upin the guild classroom (that could take weeks if not more). But, god times a big issue right now. I'll get to it when I can. As far as event organizers, well we've always had them. Half the quill quest have been events in them of themselves. And Saylne writing exercises way back in the day once re-energised the pen when we were at a particularly low ebb of activity. I'm pretty much neutral on all this, as I'm so freaking busy right now, I really shouldn't even be writing this. take care all, rev...

kudos.

"Be the change you want to see in the world. If you want to change the world, change yourself." -Gandhi "Physician heal thyself." -Luke 4:23 "Tomorrow is today." -anon.

Oh well, a good rule of thumb when trying to write in meter (including free verse) is, if the words your are writing sound forced or unnatural in your own ears, then they probably are. If you become a member, you can check out more of Mr. (actually, I think it's Dr.) Shapiros advice here: http://www.patrickdurham.net/themightypen/index.php?s=&a...st&p=116669 However, I'm not actually an advocate for writing in 'form' per se, just one that happens to be studying it currently at Uni (well, actually, I'm studying 'style' and 'form' is just the warm up). And I'm trying to pass on all that is practical (and I have time for) that I encounter.

I don't know, maybe in western culture it's a left over from the Jewish concept of ensoulment taking place at birth. Hmm, but for non-western culture, ya got me.

"Meter is the arithmetical norm, the theoretical structure of the line; and rhythm, the departure from (within the context of) that norm... Meter creates (the) conditions for rhythm, which (in turn) in acts, reinforces...the emotions (of the line). Meter is necessary, but insufficient condition for rhythm... (I.E.) You can have meter without rhythm, but you can't have rhythm without meter." ~Alan Shapiro Since I come form a musical background I think of it like this: Music can be set to a common meter. 4/4 time is four beats in a measure and a quarter note gets the beat. It's a framework. How the individual notes of the measure fill out and deviate from that frame work is the rhythm of the measure. And those deviations are what makes melodies written in the same meter (all other things being equal: chord structure, instrumentation, musical ability, key, intonation, etc) distinct from one another. This is true even in free verse, though the meter changes (or in the case of music, the time signature changes) would be non-standard and could occur more often. Another example: DNA is the framework of human beings, yet no two human beings (save identical twins) are a like. As far as your poems go, well keep recording and posting them then. Your writing process (as you describe it) reminds me of how I first started out. I didn't know any rules either, except for my own growing familiarity with the habits I was starting to develop (not to mention the myriad of songs/tunes forever stuck in my head). I wrote like this for at least five or six years before I realized just how much more there was out there for me to explore. And if the me of today was to tell this to the me of 5 years okay, my reaction probably would have been very similar to yours. I'm not saying the way I write now, is eventually how you'll end up, it's just that I recognize inspiration's impulse in you. It taken me years to learn how to harness it beyond automatic writing. best of luck, rev...

Ah, but think of what you could do if you did -- take the time. Seems like you've mastered the art of rhyming within a set meter of your own improvised devising. (which is not an easy thing to do well, even if you already know before hand what beat/tune your going to improve off of...) They say, "To break the rules you have to know the rules first." Well, seems like you know your own style pretty well, why not try breaking out of that mold and showing us what you're really capable of... Yes, this is a challenge. And I think you're more than up to it. rev...